14418
Кто хочет знать английский как англичанин, тот читает тут рассказы на настоящем королевском английском языке. В оригинале . Реклама @neznayca или по ссылке telega.in/c/one_story
COLLECTORS AND COLLECTING
Sir Walter Raleigh had called to take a cup of tea with Queen Elizabeth.
"It was very good of you, Sir Walter," said her Majesty, smiling sweetly upon the gallant Knight, "to ruin your cloak the other day so that my feet should not be wet by that horrid puddle. May I not instruct my Lord High Treasurer to reimburse you for it?"
"Don't mention it, your Majesty," replied Raleigh. "It only cost two and six, and I have already sold it to an American collector for eight thousand pounds."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A retail dealer in buggies doing business in one of the large towns in northern Indiana wrote to a firm in the east ordering a carload of buggies. The firm wired him:
"Cannot ship buggies until you pay for your last consignment."
"Unable to wait so long," wired back the buggy dealer, "cancel order."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COLLECTING OF ACCOUNTS
An enterprising firm advertised: "All persons indebted to our store are requested to call and settle. All those indebted to our store and not knowing it are requested to call and find out. Those knowing themselves indebted and not wishing to call, are requested to stay in one place long enough for us to catch them."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COINS
He had just returned from Paris and said to his old aunt in the country: "Here, Aunt, is a silver franc piece I brought you from Paris as a souvenir."
"Thanks, Herman," said the old lady. "I wish you'd thought to have brought me home one of them Latin quarters I read so much about."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
• Альфа-банк заплатит вам 8500 рублей, за открытие банковского счета
• Сбер начислит 40% кэшбек на ВСЕ покупки. Достаточно ввести промокод сотрудника (коды) в Сбермаркете.
• А у банка «Тинькофф» есть акция — клеишь наклейку на машину или ноутбук и получаешь 4000 ₽/мес
Российские банки - не паханное поле халявы. И если вы не хотите тратить десятки часов на их поиски вручную – заходите в Беспощадного Банкстера.
Там сами сотрудники сливают все скрытые спецтарифы банков и показывают, как получать с них 50-70 тыс. в месяц, ничего не делая.
Если хотите зарабатывать за счёт банков — вам сюда: Беспощадный Банкстер.
COAL DEALERS
In a Kansas town where two brothers are engaged in the retail coal business a revival was recently held and the elder of the brothers was converted. For weeks he tried to persuade his brother to join the church. One day he asked:
"Why can't you join the church like I did?"
"It's a fine thing for you to belong to the church," replied the younger brother, "If I join the church who'll weigh the coal?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The guest landing at the yacht club float with his host, both of them wearing oilskins and sou'-westers to protect them from the drenching rain, inquired:
"And who are those gentlemen seated on the veranda, looking so spick and span in their white duck yachting caps and trousers, and keeping the waiters running all the time?"
"They're the rocking-chair members. They never go outside, and they're waterproof inside."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Помните из советского кино только «Иронию судьбы» и «Иван Васильевич меняет профессию»?
Очень зря.
Вы не представляете, сколько в СССР снималось душевных и талантливых работ, которые не обрели огромной популярности.
Познакомьтесь с шедеврами советского кинематографа в канале «Кино и голуби»
Устали от однообразного современного кино?
Насладитесь шедеврами прошлого — @kino_golubi 🕊️
Канал для тех, кто хочет заговорить на итальянском с нуля, не выходя из дома. Здесь публикуем эфиры с Альберто, эффективные уроки итальянского и рассказываем про практику с учениками в Тоскане и Сиене.
🇮🇹Переходи на канал и забирай свой первый урок итальянского и стикеры👇
/channel/magnitalia_ru/4520?erid=LjN8JxMER
CLOTHING
One morning as Mark Twain returned from a neighborhood morning call, sans necktie, his wife met him at the door with the exclamation: "There, Sam, you have been over to the Stowes's again without a necktie! It's really disgraceful the way you neglect your dress!"
Her husband said nothing, but went up to his room.
A few minutes later his neighbor—Mrs. S.—was summoned to the door by a messenger, who presented her with a small box neatly done up. She opened it and found a black silk necktie, accompanied by the following note: "Here is a necktie. Take it out and look at it. I think I stayed half an hour this morning. At the end of that time will you kindly return it, as it is the only one I have?—Mark Twain."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A pompous Bishop of Oxford was once stopped on a London street by a ragged urchin.
"Well, my little man, and what can I do for you?" inquired the churchman.
"The time o' day, please, your lordship."
With considerable difficulty the portly bishop extracted his timepiece.
"It is exactly half past five, my lad."
"Well," said the boy, setting his feet for a good start, "at 'alf past six you go to 'ell!"—and he was off like a flash and around the corner. The bishop, flushed and furious, his watch dangling from its chain, floundered wildly after him. But as he rounded the corner he ran plump into the outstretched arms of the venerable Bishop of London.
"Oxford, Oxford," remonstrated that surprised dignitary, "why this unseemly haste?"
Puffing, blowing, spluttering, the outraged Bishop gasped out:
"That young ragamuffin—I told him it was half past five—he—er—told me to go to hell at half past six."
"Yes, yes," said the Bishop of London with the suspicion of a twinkle in his kindly old eyes, "but why such haste? You've got almost an hour."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Booker Washington, as all the world knows, believes that the salvation of his race lies in industry. Thus, if a young man wants to be a clergyman, he will meet with but little encouragement from the head of Tuskegee; but if he wants to be a blacksmith or a bricklayer, his welcome is warm and hearty.
Dr. Washington, in a recent address in Chicago, said:
"The world is overfull of preachers and when an aspirant for the pulpit comes to me, I am inclined to tell him about the old uncle working in the cotton field who said:
"'De cotton am so grassy, de work am so hard, and de sun am so hot, Ah 'clare to goodness Ah believe dis darkey am called to preach.'"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
📚 It is a standing rule of a company whose boats ply the Great Lakes that clergymen and Indians may travel on its boats for half-fare. A short time ago an agent of the company was approached by an Indian preacher from Canada, who asked for free transportation on the ground that he was entitled to one-half rebate because he was an Indian, and the other half because he was a clergyman.—Elgin Burroughs.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Bishop Goodsell, of the Methodist Episcopal church, weighs over two hundred pounds. It was with mingled emotions, therefore that he read the following in Zion's Herald some time ago:
"The announcement that our New England bishop, Daniel A. Goodsell, has promised to preach at the Willimantic camp meeting, will give great pleasure to the hosts of Israel who are looking forward to that feast of fat things."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A minister of a fashionable church in Newark had always left the greeting of strangers to be attended to by the ushers, until he read the newspaper articles in reference to the matter.
"Suppose a reporter should visit our church?" said his wife.
"Wouldn't it be awful?"
"It would," the minister admitted.
The following Sunday evening he noticed a plainly dressed woman in one of the free pews. She sat alone and was clearly not a member of the flock. After the benediction the minister hastened and intercepted her at the door.
"How do you do?" he said, offering his hand, "I am very glad to have you with us."
"Thank you," replied the young woman.
"I hope we may see you often in our church home," he went on. "We are always glad to welcome new faces."
"Yes, sir."
"Do you live in this parish?" he asked.
The girl looked blank.
"If you will give me your address my wife and I will call on you some evening."
"You wouldn't need to go far, sir," said the young woman, "I'm your cook!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Балет — это НЕскучно
Автор канала БалетON это доказывает. Тренер и хореограф с опытом в 22 года интересно и просто рассказывает о классическом танце
БалетON ждет почитателей балетного искусства и не только. Там НЕскучно. Всегда есть, что почитать и посмотреть.
Загляните в канал ➡️ @balet и убедитесь
"Sir," said the haughty American to his adhesive tailor, "I object to this boorish dunning. I would have you know that my great-great-grandfather was one of the early settlers."
"And yet," sighed the anxious tradesman, "there are people who believe in heredity."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
〰️ Книги — скучно. Тут размазывают одни и те же мысли на 300-400 страниц.
〰️ Курсы — дорого. Можно заплатить 200 000 и ничего не получить.
〰️ Высшее образование — умерло. Там давно нет знаний.
Поэтому ловите лайфхак — изучайте бесплатные курсы в Телеграме. С их помощью вы станете практически Богом: научитесь рисовать, программировать, дизайнить, писать книги и даже укладывать плитку полностью бесплатно.
Всё просто — заходите на Лекторий, выбираете курс и смотрите. Материалы за 5 000р., 10 000р. и даже 40 000р. здесь не стоят вообще ничего.
Не нужно платить за образование, нужно умело пользоваться Telegram. Вот здесь — Лекторий.
COFFEE
Among the coffee-drinkers a high place must be given to Bismarck. He liked coffee unadulterated. While with the Prussian Army in France he one day entered a country inn and asked the host if he had any chicory in the house. He had. Bismarck said—"Well, bring it to me; all you have." The man obeyed and handed Bismarck a canister full of chicory. "Are you sure this is all you have?" demanded the Chancellor. "Yes, my lord, every grain." "Then," said Bismarck, keeping the canister by him, "go now and make me a pot of coffee."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COEDUCATION
The speaker was waxing eloquent, and after his peroration on woman's rights he said: "When they take our girls, as they threaten, away from the coeducational colleges, what will follow? What will follow, I repeat?"
And a loud, masculine voice in the audience replied: "I will!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
One afternoon thirty ladies met at the home of Mrs. Lyons to form a woman's club. The hostess was unanimously elected president. The next day the following ad appeared in the newspaper:
"Wanted—a reliable woman to take care of a baby. Apply to Mrs. J. W. Lyons."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
CLUBS
Belle and Ben had just announced their engagement.
"When we are married," said Belle, "I shall expect you to shave every morning. It's one of the rules of the club I belong to that none of its members shall marry a man who won't shave every morning."
"Oh, that's all right," replied Ben; "but what about the mornings I don't get home in time? I belong to a club, too."—M.A. Hitchcock.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"The evening wore on," continued the man who was telling the story.
"Excuse me," interrupted the would-be-wit; "but can you tell us what the evening wore on that occasion?"
"I don't know that it is important," replied the story-teller. "But if you must know, I believe it was the close of a summer day."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A man whose trousers bagged badly at the knees was standing on a corner waiting for a car. A passing Irishman stopped and watched him with great interest for two or three minutes; at last he said:
"Well, why don't ye jump?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
CLIMATE
In a certain town the local forecaster of the weather was so often wrong that his predictions became a standing joke, to his no small annoyance, for he was very sensitive. At length, in despair of living down his reputation, he asked headquarters to transfer him to another station.
A brief correspondance ensued.
"Why," asked headquarters, "do you wish to be transferred?"
"Because," the forecaster promptly replied, "the climate doesn't agree with me."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
On one occasion the minister delivered a sermon of but ten minutes' duration—a most unusual thing for him.
Upon the conclusion of his remarks he added: "I regret to inform you, brethren, that my dog, who appears to be peculiarly fond of paper, this morning ate that portion of my sermon that I have not delivered. Let us pray."
After the service the clergyman was met at the door by a man who as a rule, attended divine service in another parish. Shaking the good man by the hand he said:
"Doctor, I should like to know whether that dog of yours has any pups. If so I want to get one to give to my minister."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Джаз — удивительный жанр, чей вклад присутствует во многом, что сегодня мы слушаем в мейнстриме. Но из-за низкой популярности этой музыки, джазовые медиа можно назвать незаметными.
All That Jazz — авторский канал о современном джазе, нео-соуле и r&b. На канале регулярно выходят рассказы о известных, малоизвестных и совсем неизвестных джазовых исполнителях, а также публикуются обзоры интересных альбомов и самые важные новости современной джазовой сцены.
Подписывайтесь и узнавайте всё самое захватывающее и актуальное:
/channel/allthatjazz
Меня задолбали инфоцыгане и я создал канал про тупых коучей, всратые курсы и бесконечные прогревы.
Заходите, тут смешно: Цыгане диджитал.
💡Как получить бесплатно официальный Telegram-премиум от 3-х месяцев до года:
1. Подписывайтесь на @rozigrichi_tg - там публикуют все официальные розыгрыши в Telegram от каналов, в которых разыгрывают бесплатные премиум подписки от Telegram.
2. Выбираете подходящие каналы и подписываетесь на них.
3. Через 3-6 дней проверяете какой розыгрыш сработал и где вы выиграли подписку.
4. Забираете подписку и кайфуете.
/channel/rozigrichi_tg — официальная подписка Telegram-премиум БЕСПЛАТНО
Уезжайте из Москвы. И из Питера тоже.
Серьезно: вы все равно не используете и 1% от возможностей столиц. Вы тратите огромные деньги на отдых, развлечения и транспорт — хотя можно без проблем получить всё это за копейки.
И для этого не надо подписываться на миллион каналов — достаточно подписаться на:
— Гуляй, Москва
— Гуляй, Питер
Там собрали тысячу и один способ развлечь себя и разнообразить жизнь: от секретных музеев и выставок до бесплатных ресторанов и красивых мест для прогулок.
Эти знания точно пригодятся, так что держите в подписках:
Для москвичей — тыц
Для петербуржцев — клик