1990
Hot jokes from /r/Jokes. Discussion: https://telegram.me/r_channels
told my wife that the postman was bragging he slept with every married woman on the street except one
she said 'I bet it's that Paula next door the snooty cow'
https://redd.it/1gwfm3o
@r_jokes
My son mentioned he likes my fiancé who has 3 sisters.
I asked him: do you want aunts, because that’s how you get aunts.
https://redd.it/1gw8gp5
@r_jokes
Kevin: "Why did you marry me?"
Anna: "You're handsome and i really like your sense of humour"
Kevin: "I thought it was because i was good in bed."
Anna: "See how funny you are?"
https://redd.it/1gw4o52
@r_jokes
I know this guy who dipped his balls in glitter
Pretty nuts
https://redd.it/1gvsk4j
@r_jokes
If having sex for money makes you a whore..
Then does having sex for free make you a non-profit whoreganisation?
https://redd.it/1gvpgvr
@r_jokes
What is the difference between a million dollars and a billion dollars?
About a billion dollars.
https://redd.it/1gvcyzg
@r_jokes
My son said, “Dad, I don’t understand the difference between a diameter and a radius.”
Me: That’s easy. It’s a radius.
https://redd.it/1gv9a45
@r_jokes
I was in a restuarant last night and was unhappy with my meal. So, I called the waiter over and said, "Waiter, my soup is cold!" The waiter replied, "It's Gazpacho."
So I said, " Gazpacho, my soup is cold!"
https://redd.it/1gv5j35
@r_jokes
Did you hear that mary poppins stopped wearing lipstick while giving head?
Apparently the super coloured fragile lipstick makes the dick atrocious.
https://redd.it/1guxts0
@r_jokes
At my new finance job, I can do everything. I can even buy stocks while masturbating
I'm a Jack-off-all-trades
https://redd.it/1gul5j6
@r_jokes
A woman visits the Noah's Ark Museum
Once inside, she is fascinated by the one exhibit entitled "The Lion lays down with the Lamb". It is a zoo like enclosure with a lion and a lamb living in it.
The woman asks the tour guide, "So I guess this shows how the Lord made predators and prey coexist on the Ark."
The guide answers, "Exactly, just like it is happening in this exhibit"
"Do they ever fight?", she asks.
"Occasionally"
"What do you then?"
"We get another lamb"
https://redd.it/1gudgzl
@r_jokes
I went to buy a sofa to put in my living room.
The salesman said:
"This sofa will seat five people without any problems".
Me: "Then i'm not interested."
Salesman: "Why?"
Me: "I don't think i know 5 people without any problems."
https://redd.it/1gubkey
@r_jokes
Do lesbians cook?
No they eat out
https://redd.it/1gu1xew
@r_jokes
So disappointed by Fox News...
Just watched Fox News for the first time and there were no foxes to be found anywhere. No fox stories, no fox newscasters, not even a fox on the logo.
This is almost as disappointing as the first time I watched BBC News.
https://redd.it/1gtwjm7
@r_jokes
My grandmother said I inherited my grandfather’s lovely big brown eyes. It made me cry …
… because what I really wanted was his money.
https://redd.it/1gtrgk8
@r_jokes
Why is it so expensive to go to the dentist in Russia?
Because they have to examine from the other end, due to nobody dares to open their mouths.
Previously a soviet joke, but still works today.
https://redd.it/1gwc9nn
@r_jokes
They say that 1 man in 10 is gay.
But I think 1 man in 1 man is pretty gay...
https://redd.it/1gw7rdq
@r_jokes
I told my British friend I woke up with a bloody nose.
He says "everyone has a nose you twat"
https://redd.it/1gvy9x2
@r_jokes
Not to brag, but my friends and I did a lot of experimenting with sex and drugs when we were in college.
Unfortunately I was part of the control group.
https://redd.it/1gvqa9f
@r_jokes
Once upon a time there was a redneck that decided to go hunting..
After a full day of hunting, he didn't kill anything, so he decided to pack up and go home when all of a sudden, he sees a bear and decides to shoot it. He fires one shot, but misses.
The bear comes up to him and says, "You just tried to kill me!" But the redneck says no my gun went off by itself, but the bear does not believe him and says, "Now I'm gonna fuck you in the ass."
After the bear is done with the redneck, the redneck says,
" fuckin bear, I'm gonna kill you." and fires again..But he misses for a second time.
The bear comes up to him and says, " You just tried to kill me again!" And the redneck says "no, I dropped my gun and it went off again". The bear doesn't believe him and says, " I'm gonna make you suck my dick."
So after the bear is done with him he leaves, and the redneck is real mad and fires a third time. But again he misses. So the bear comes up to him and says, " You didn't come here to hunt, did you?"
https://redd.it/1gvk6pl
@r_jokes
In Trinidad and Tobago it will cost you $2.50 for an apple pie, in Jamaica it will cost you $3.00
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
https://redd.it/1gvayvi
@r_jokes
An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night, when Satan appeared before her. The Devil told the lawyer "I have a proposition for you…"
"You can win every case you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your your husband’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and the souls of all your friends and law partners."
The lawyer ponders this for a moment, then finally asks: "So, what’s the catch?"
https://redd.it/1gv8bj1
@r_jokes
A Jewish man worries about his son...
A Jewish man worriess about his son not being interested in Jewish culture and traditions. So he thinks he should send his son to Israel so that he can learn about Jews and Jewish culture. After a month when his son returns the Jewish man finds out that his son has turned into a Christian rather than a Jewish. He gets confused and goes to one of his wiser friend to discuss. When told about it hit friend says "Interesting, a few months ago I sent my son to Israel too, and he too came back as a Christian".
They both are confused and decide to go to the pastor to ask about it. When the pastor listens to their story he says" Interesting a few ayears ago I too sent my son to Israel to learn Jewish culture and he returned as a Christian too."
Confused, all of them decide to ask God about it.
They go to God and tell him about the situation and ask why their children are coming back as Christian from Israel.
Listening to their concern God says" Interesting a few centuries ago....."
https://redd.it/1guxk4p
@r_jokes
Why do cows haves hooves and not feet?
Because they lactose
https://redd.it/1gug6fh
@r_jokes
A black guy goes into an electronics store
He tells the salesman "I'm here to see your hi-fis. Maybe Panasonic, Yamaha, or Sharp."
The salesman says "Oh right let me guess - you're going to blast that rap music at full volume. Probably going to piss off your neighbors."
The black guy says "Yes exactly. I'm here for the stereo types."
https://redd.it/1gumgyc
@r_jokes
We may all have our disagreements with others here on Reddit, but here is one comforting fact:
Everyone reading this joke……is on the same page.
https://redd.it/1guejrf
@r_jokes
How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized"
https://redd.it/1gu21gu
@r_jokes
Why do we call them bisexuals...
And not ambisextrous?
https://redd.it/1gtunrj
@r_jokes
Why is 69 afraid of 70?
Because they once had a fight and 71.
https://redd.it/1gtoo4t
@r_jokes
My wife was reluctant for us to start spicing up our sex life.
Now she can’t stop cumin
https://redd.it/1gti9zo
@r_jokes