1990
Hot jokes from /r/Jokes. Discussion: https://telegram.me/r_channels
I would never cheat in a relationship...
Because that would require two people to find me attractive.
https://redd.it/1ft07x2
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I absolutely loathe Al-generated content...
...Amish paradise wasn't even slightly funny.
https://redd.it/1fsp91s
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What is 1,431,951,134 in base 36?
It's no joke
https://redd.it/1fskhlf
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Having sex in an elevator
is wrong on so many levels.
https://redd.it/1fsebed
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As a child, I thought body hair was gross
But it later grew on me
https://redd.it/1fs3106
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A man walks onto the campus of Yale University. He walks up to a student and asks "Where's the bathroom at?"
The student responds haughtily, "Here at Yale, we're taught not to end a sentence with a preposition."
The man realizing his terrible unforgivable mistake corrects himself, "Where's the bathroom at asshole?"
https://redd.it/1fs0ch3
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Some say that doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results is the definition of insanity
I just call it golf.
https://redd.it/1frmsaw
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Did I tell you about the time my dick was in the Guinness Book of World Records?
Then the librarian asked me to remove it
https://redd.it/1frg5yt
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What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him—-he’s just a product of our times.
https://redd.it/1frc3ft
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My girlfriend is the perfect weight
If she was any fatter I wouldn’t be attracted to her and if she was any skinnier she wouldn’t be attracted to me
https://redd.it/1fr5avj
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Dated a woman who told me she was bi.
Took me three weeks to realize she meant POLAR!
https://redd.it/1fqvrgo
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Flat tire
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the highway, so I eased my car over
to the shoulder of the road, got out, opened the trunk, took out
two cardboard men, unfolded them
and stood them at the rear
of my car facing on-coming traffic.
They're dressed in open trench coats that expose their nudity to oncoming drivers. They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it.
Traffic started slowing down to look at my lifelike men and
of course traffic began backing up.
Everyone beeped their horns and waved like crazy.
It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.
When he got out of his car and started walking toward me I could tell he wasn’t a happy camper.
"What's going on here?"
he demanded.
"My car has a flat tire," I said.
“Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?" he demanded.
I couldn't believe he didn't know,
so I said,
“Helloooooo…those are my emergency flashers.”
https://redd.it/1fqqtb9
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Three men are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.
The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep, however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
«Comrade major, we’d like some tea to room 62 please.»
His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that the KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
«Well,» whispers the receptionist, «comrade major quite liked your tea joke.»
https://redd.it/1fqkrsj
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Two nuns are driving down the road when a naked man jumps in front of their car and starts touching himself inappropriately.
The more senior nun tells the younger nun, "show him your cross!" The younger nun sticks her head out the window and screams, "Hey mister, get the fuck outta the way!"
https://redd.it/1fqc3uv
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There’s something about the clitoris.
I can’t quite put my finger on it.
https://redd.it/1fqadtk
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Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
It’s because they lactose.
https://redd.it/1fstqyg
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I went rock climbing yesterday. The guy above me kept farting
It was the worst ass scent ever I've had to deal with.
https://redd.it/1fsgfcr
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What is 6.9?
Another great thing ruined by a period!
https://redd.it/1fsekkd
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Arguing with my wife she bragged that women are better at multitasking.
I asked her to sit down and shut up but she couldn’t do either.
https://redd.it/1fs9ngs
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My cattle herd escaped my farm and ate all of my neighbor’s cannabis crop
And now the steaks are very high
https://redd.it/1frxsnr
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I took a Russian self-defence class.
I've never bluffed so much in my entire life.
https://redd.it/1frm1vk
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Why was the anti-vaxxer‘s 4 year old child crying?
Midlife crisis
https://redd.it/1frm9mv
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Did you know that Vaseline was invented in Athens over 2000 years ago?
It’s ancient grease
https://redd.it/1frdopb
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That’s how you comeback
Mike: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Jack: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Mike: "Yeah right, as if."
Jack: "Just ask your sister."
Mike: "I don't even have a sister."
Jack: "You will in about nine months."
https://redd.it/1fr6vt7
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Husband tries childbirth simulator
A woman is in labor, and the doctor comes in and says, "we have this cool new device that lets the father participate by feeling the pain of childbirth! What do you think?"
The wife is all for it, so the husband says, "sure- I'll try it."
He puts it on, turns it to 20% power, and waits. Nothing. "Cool," he says. "Turn it to 50% and let's see what I've got."
They turn it up to 50%, and after a minute, he's still pretty comfortable. "I don't know what the big deal is- this is a walk in the park!" He says. "I've got this. Turn it up to 11."
They turn it up to 110%, and he's still doing fine! He can't believe it, but he's pretty impressed with himself for being so tough.
Wife has the baby, and when they get home, the mail man is dead on the front porch.
https://redd.it/1fr32nv
@r_jokes
Announcement: An Update to the Rules of /r/Jokes
Hey there, folks!
As many of you are aware (and have raised concerns about), there's lately been a worrying rise in the amount of spam, the number of bots, and the presence of low-quality content. This hasn't been limited to /r/Jokes, but since we're a text-based subreddit, it has been more evident here than elsewhere. We've also seen a lot more in the way of karma-farming, with most of that happening in comments.
You probably know how it goes: Someone posts a joke, and as it climbs toward the front page, a bunch of barely relevant garbage starts to appear in the thread. Half of the time, said garbage reads like something that ChatGPT would drool out after trying to gargle a sock full of magnets. The other half of the time, it's typo-ridden gibberish or low-effort clutter (like "this" or "lol") coming from accounts with dropshipping links in their profiles. Either way, it disrupts the conversation and makes the subreddit less enjoyable for real, earnest users.
In order to combat this, we've added a new rule:
**[Comments must be original and contributory](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/wiki/index#wiki_rule_8.3A_comments_must_be_original_and_contributory.).**
We encourage you to read the rule in full, but put simply, comments offered in /r/Jokes must be written by the people submitting them, and they must be intended to entertain, inform, educate, inspire, or enquire.
Did a joke remind you of a story from your childhood? Share it with us! Has someone accidentally written "who's" when they meant "whose"? Provide them with a friendly lesson! Is an account trying to promote an "AI-enabled" or "NFT-based" "investment opportunity"? *Downvote it to the darkest depths of Tartarus and report that filth!*
Ahem.
You get the idea: The vast, *vast* majority of well-meaning users are unlikely to be affected by this, but we wanted to have some public-facing information available. Also, even though we'll be implementing some new systems behind the scenes, we'll still be relying on your reports... so if you see something that shouldn't be here, use that "report" button!
We'll leave you with this:
**How many bots does it take to screw in a lightbulb?**
>!None... but they can hallucinate how to screw it up.!<
https://redd.it/1ffqgm9
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Algebra was the easiest subject for high school students in Ancient Rome.
X was always 10.
https://redd.it/1fqlg2c
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A young man who has never had a job finally gets one as a doorman at a nice hotel
On his first day, he arrives in uniform all nervous and serious. He opens the door, greets guests and visitors with a smile, closes the door behind them. He does everything admirably.
In the afternoon, something weird happens. A single bathroom basin - standing on a short support column, with a hot water tap and a cold water tap and no apparent source of plumbing, appears outside the door.
Nervous, the new doorman approaches his manager. “What shall I do”, he asks, “it’s just standing there.”
The manager looks at him gravely, his eyes stern, but still kind with wisdom.
“Young man, I know this is your first real job, and things may be a bit overwhelming to you. But some things - they’re simpler than they seem.” He nods towards the door.
“You have a responsibility now. Let that sink in.”
https://redd.it/1fqj920
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I once dated a girl who hated going to the gym…
We didn’t work out
https://redd.it/1fq789n
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Two very old ladies are driving along and one says to the other, "Did you just run a stop sign"?
She replied, "Oh Shit! Am I driving"?
https://redd.it/1fq18zr
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