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Кто хочет знать английский как англичанин, тот читает тут рассказы на настоящем королевском английском языке. В оригинале . Реклама @neznayca или по ссылке telega.in/c/one_story
A Duluth pastor makes it a point to welcome any strangers cordially, and one evening, after the completion of the service, he hurried down the aisle to station himself at the door.
He noticed a Swedish girl, evidently a servant, so he welcomed her to the church, and expressed the hope that she would be a regular attendant. Finally he said if she would be at home some evening during the week he would call.
"T'ank you," she murmured bashfully, "but ay have a fella."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
PROFESSOR—"Now, Mr. Jones, assuming you were called to attend a patient who had swallowed a coin, what would be your method of procedure?"
YOUNG MEDICO—"I'd send for a preacher, sir. They'll get money out of anyone."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The four-year-old daughter of a clergyman was ailing one night and was put to bed early. As her mother was about to leave her she called her back.
"Mamma," she said, "I want to see my papa."
"No, dear," her mother replied, "your papa is busy and must not be disturbed."
"But, mamma," the child persisted, "I want to see my papa."
As before, the mother replied: "No, your papa must not be disturbed."
But the little one came back with a clincher:
"Mamma," she declared solemnly, "I am a sick woman, and I want to see my minister."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
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Разработке
Маркетингу
Дизайну
В телеграм канале Academy Market онлайн-платформы проводят тесты своих новых курсов и профессий. Для этого им нужны люди, которые пройдут курс или профессию от начала до конца. За это онлайн-школы выдают диплом и помогают с трудоустройством бесплатно.
Это тестовый проект, поэтому об этом мало говорят и его могут прикрыть в любой момент — успейте подписаться на канал и получайте обучение бесплатно, пока такая возможность еще существует.
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🎁Сделайте первый шаг! Мы дарим вам курс из 20 мини-уроков с записью речи коренных итальянцев!
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Программа:
►как не совершать ошибки, которые делают 90% начинающих.
►знания, которые помогут развиваться в мире искусства и красоты.
►узнаете основы языка (учимся представляться, знакомиться)
►научитесь читать, а также считать по-итальянски
►разберётесь в грамматике и артиклях
►подготовка к поездке в Италию.
🔥При регистрации авторский курс из 20 видео-уроков с записью речи итальянцев в подарок.
Регистрация на интенсив👉🏻 https://appc.link/s/ya8w9z
A child of strict parents, whose greatest joy had hitherto been the weekly prayer-meeting, was taken by its nurse to the circus for the first time. When he came home he exclaimed:
"Oh, Mama, if you once went to the circus you'd never, never go to a prayer-meeting again in all your life."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Три Грации"
Из серии "Современность мифа".
Грация – итальянское слово, означающее красоту и изящество (в движении). Происходит из латыни, где является милостью и приятностью.
В греческой и римской мифологиях, три Грации – это богини, олицетворяющие Красоту, Любовь и Удовольствие. Состоят они в свите Венеры – богини, которая есть сама красота, плотская любовь и плодородие.
В "начале времен", три Грации изображались в греческих >> читать далее — /channel/damirkleyn/72
At a dinner, when the gentlemen retired to the smoking room and one of the guests, a Japanese, remained with the ladies, one asked him:
"Aren't you going to join the gentlemen, Mr. Nagasaki?"
"No. I do not smoke, I do not swear, I do not drink. But then, I am not a Christian."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A man hurried into a quick-lunch restaurant recently and called to the waiter: "Give me a ham sandwich."
"Yes, sir," said the waiter, reaching for the sandwich; "will you eat it or take it with you?"
"Both," was the unexpected but obvious reply.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A well-known furniture dealer of a Virginia town wanted to give his faithful negro driver something for Christmas in recognition of his unfailing good humor in toting out stoves, beds, pianos, etc.
"Dobson," he said, "you have helped me through some pretty tight places in the last ten years, and I want to give you something as a Christmas present that will be useful to you and that you will enjoy. Which do you prefer, a ton of coal or a gallon of good whiskey?"
"Boss," Dobson replied, "Ah burns wood."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The neighbors of a certain woman in a New England town maintain that this lady entertains some very peculiar notions touching the training of children. Local opinion ascribes these oddities on her part to the fact that she attended normal school for one year just before her marriage.
Said one neighbor: "She does a lot of funny things. What do you suppose I heard her say to that boy of hers this afternoon?"
"I dunno. What was it?"
"Well, you know her husband cut his finger badly yesterday with a hay-cutter; and this afternoon as I was goin' by the house I heard her say:
"'Now, William, you must be a very good boy, for your father has injured his hand, and if you are naughty he won't be able to whip you.'"—Edwin Tarrisse.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
CHILDREN
Two weary parents once advertised:
"WANTED, AT ONCE—Two fluent and well-learned persons, male or female, to answer the questions of a little girl of three and a boy of four; each to take four hours per day and rest the parents of said children."
Another couple advertised:
"WANTED: A governess who is good stenographer, to take down the clever sayings of our child."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Кому Вы обязаны уступить дорогу при повороте налево?
1. Только автобусу
2. Только легковому автомобилю
3. Никому
Здесь собираю лучшие акварельные работы современных художников. Воздушная, текучая,непредсказуемая, нежная и сочная акварель. Подписывайся и вдохновляйся!
/channel/akvarelinspo
Если у вас есть карта Сбера, Тинькофф или Альфа-банка — держите совет: используйте их правильно. Ведь любая из этих карт может приносить минимум 70 000 рублей, а не просто лежать в кармане.
Сами посмотрите:
— Альфа ПОГАСИТ ваш кредит в любом банке абсолютно бесплатно
— Сбер ОПЛАТИТ вам любые покупки с 40% скидками
— Тинькофф ЗАПЛАТИТ до 20 000 рублей за открытие счёта
И таких фишек у банков — сотни. А чтобы узнавать про них — подписывайтесь на Беспощадного Банкстера.
Там рассказывают, какие карты надо открыть, чтобы получить 45 000 рублей, как получить 40% кэшбек с любой покупки и как убрать все проценты и комиссии.
Подписывайтесь, потом сами себе спасибо скажете: Беспощадный Банкстер.
Archbishop Ryan was once accosted on the streets of Baltimore by a man who knew the archbishop's face, but could not quite place it.
"Now, where in hell have I seen you?" he asked perplexedly.
"From where in hell do you come, sir?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
❗️Ошибка жителей Москвы и Питера №1: тратить деньги в центре. Люди не знают, что в паре станций метро есть заведения и развлечения в 4-5 раз дешевле.
Такие места даже искать не надо — всё уже собрали в двух лучших каналах про столицы.
🌇 Эй, Москва!
🌃 Эй, Питер!
Здесь находят антураже заведения, мероприятия которые можно посетить бесплатно и места для прогулок, о которых не знают туристы.
В общем, это ваши карманные путеводители которые помогут вам круто отдохнуть в столицах за копейки, подписывайтесь:
🌇 Эй, Москва!
🌃 Эй, Питер!
Bishop Doane of Albany was at one time rector of an Episcopal church in Hartford, and Mark Twain, who occasionally attended his services, played a joke upon him, one Sunday.
"Dr. Doane," he said at the end of the service, "I enjoyed your sermon this morning. I welcomed it like on old friend. I have, you know, a book at home containing every word of it."
"You have not," said Dr. Doane.
"I have so."
"Well, send that book to me. I'd like to see it."
"I'll send it," the humorist replied. Next morning he sent an unabridged dictionary to the rector.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
CLEANLINESS
"Among the tenements that lay within my jurisdiction when I first took up mission work on the East Side." says a New York young woman, "was one to clean out which would have called for the best efforts of the renovator of the Augean stables. And the families in this tenement were almost as hopeless as the tenement itself.
"On one occasion I felt distinctly encouraged, however, since I observed that the face of one youngster was actually clean.
"'William,' said I, 'your face is fairly clean, but how did you get such dirty hands?"
"'Washin' me face,' said William."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"My dear, listen to this," exclaimed the elderly English lady to her husband, on her first visit to the States. She held the hotel menu almost at arm's length, and spoke in a tone of horror: "'Baked Indian pudding!' Can it be possible in a civilized country?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
CIRCUS
A well-known theatrical manager repeats an instance of what the late W. C. Coup, of circus fame, once told him was one of the most amusing features of the show-business; the faking in the "side-show."
Coup was the owner of a small circus that boasted among its principal attractions a man-eating ape, alleged to be the largest in captivity. This ferocious beast was exhibited chained to the dead trunk of a tree in the side-show. Early in the day of the first performance of Coup's enterprise at a certain Ohio town, a countryman handed the man-eating ape a piece of tobacco, in the chewing of which the beast evinced the greatest satisfaction.
The word was soon passed around that the ape would chew tobacco; and the result was that several plugs were thrown at him. Unhappily, however, one of these had been filled with cayenne pepper. The man-eating ape bit it; then, howling with indignation, snapped the chain that bound him to the tree, and made straight for the practical joker who had so cruelly deceived him.
"Lave me at 'im!" yelled the ape. "Lave me at 'im, the dirty villain! I'll have the rube's loife, or me name ain't Magillicuddy!"
Fortunately for the countryman and for Magillicuddy, too, the man-eating ape was restrained by the bystanders in time to prevent a killing.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A traveler who believed himself to be sole survivor of a shipwreck upon a cannibal isle hid for three days, in terror of his life. Driven out by hunger, he discovered a thin wisp of smoke rising from a clump of bushes inland, and crawled carefully to study the type of savages about it. Just as he reached the clump he heard a voice say: "Why in hell did you play that card?" He dropped on his knees and, devoutly raising his hands, cried:
"Thank God they are Christians!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
CHRISTIAN SCIENTISTS
While waiting for the speaker at a public meeting a pale little man in the audience seemed very nervous. He glanced over his shoulder from time to time and squirmed and shifted about in his seat. At last, unable to stand it longer, he arose and demanded, in a high, penetrating voice, "Is there a Christian Scientist in this room?"
A woman at the other side of the hall got up and said, "I am a Christian Scientist."
"Well, then, madam," requested the little man, "would you mind changing seats with me? I'm sitting in a draft."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Ошибка Москвича №1: тратить деньги в центре. Люди не подозревают, что в паре станций метро есть сотни заведений и развлечений в 4-5 раз дешевле.
Выходите из дома, открывайте
🌇 Эй, Москва! И точно не останетесь без впечатлений.
✦ Авторы сделали десяток подборок заведений: кофейни, рестораны, бары, клубы с хорошими диджеями.
✦ Анонсируют клёвые мероприятия: концерты, арт-выставки, бесплатные тренинги и театральные постановки.
✦ Советуют классные места для прогулок: парки, красивые улочки, пешеходные аллеи и даже заброшки.
Уверяем, с этим каналом Москва откроется для вас по-новому, подписывайтесь: @msk_state
William Phillips, our secretary of embassy at London, tells of an American officer who, by the kind permission of the British Government, was once enabled to make a week's cruise on one of His Majesty's battleships. Among other things that impressed the American was the vessel's Sunday morning service. It was very well attended, every sailor not on duty being there. At the conclusion of the service the American chanced to ask one of the jackies:
"Are you obliged to attend these Sunday morning services?"
"Not exactly obliged to, sir," replied the sailor-man, "but our grog would be stopped if we didn't, sir."—Edwin Tarrisse.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A boy twelve years old with an air of melancholy resignation, went to his teacher and handed in the following note from his mother before taking his seat:
"Dear Sir: Please excuse James for not being present yesterday.
"He played truant, but you needn't whip him for it, as the boy he played truant with and him fell out, and he licked James; and a man they threw stones at caught him and licked him; and the driver of a cart they hung onto licked him; and the owner of a cat they chased licked him. Then I licked him when he came home, after which his father licked him; and I had to give him another for being impudent to me for telling his father. So you need not lick him until next time.
"He thinks he will attend regular in future."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A colored parson, calling upon one of his flock, found the object of his visit out in the back yard working among his hen-coops. He noticed with surprise that there were no chickens.
"Why, Brudder Brown," he asked, "whar'r all yo' chickens?"
"Huh," grunted Brother Brown without looking up, "some fool niggah lef de do' open an' dey all went home."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A southerner, hearing a great commotion in his chicken-house one dark night, took his revolver and went to investigate.
"Who's there?" he sternly demanded, opening the door.
No answer.
"Who's there? Answer, or I'll shoot!"
A trembling voice from the farthest corner:
"'Deed, sah, dey ain't nobody hyah ceptin' us chickens."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
BOOKS AND READING
LADY PRESIDENT—"What book has helped you most?"
NEW MEMBER—"My husband's check-book."—Martha Young.
___
There are three classes of bookbuyers: Collectors, women and readers.
___
The owner of a large library solemnly warned a friend against the practice of lending books. To punctuate his advice he showed his friend the well-stocked shelves. "There!" said he. "Every one of those books was lent me."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Two men were boasting about their rich kin. Said one:
"My father has a big farm in Connecticut. It is so big that when he goes to the barn on Monday morning to milk the cows he kisses us all good-by, and he doesn't get back till the following Saturday."
"Why does it take him so long?" the other man asked.
"Because the barn is so far away from the house."
"Well, that may be a pretty big farm, but compared to my father's farm in Pennsylvania your father's farm ain't no bigger than a city lot!"
"Why, how big is your father's farm?"
"Well, it's so big that my father sends young married couples out to the barn to milk the cows, and the milk is brought back by their grandchildren."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы