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Кто хочет знать английский как англичанин, тот читает тут рассказы на настоящем королевском английском языке. В оригинале . Реклама @neznayca или по ссылке telega.in/c/one_story
CONTRIBUTION BOX
There were introductions all around. The big man stared in a puzzled way at the club guest. "You look like a man I've seen somewhere, Mr. Blinker," he said. "Your face seems familiar. I fancy you have a double. And a funny thing about it is that I remember I formed a strong prejudice against the man who looks like you—although, I'm quite sure, we never met."
The little guest softly laughed. "I'm the man," he answered, "and I know why you formed the prejudice. I passed the contribution plate for two years in the church you attended."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A clergyman, who was summoned in haste by a woman who had been taken suddenly ill, answered the call though somewhat puzzled by it, for he knew that she was not of his parish, and was, moreover, known to be a devoted worker in another church. While he was waiting to be shown to the sick-room he fell to talking to the little girl of the house.
"It is very gratifying to know that your mother thought of me in her illness," said he, "Is your minister out of town?"
"Oh, no," answered the child, in a matter-of-fact tone. "He's home; only we thought it might be something contagious, and we didn't want to take any risks."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
CONSEQUENCES
A teacher asked her class in spelling to state the difference between the words "results" and "consequences."
A bright girl replied, "Results are what you expect, and consequences are what you get."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
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Читать полностью…
CONGRESSMEN
It was at a banquet in Washington given to a large body of congressmen, mostly from the rural districts. The tables were elegant, and it was a scene of fairy splendor; but on one table there were no decorations but palm leaves.
"Here," said a congressman to the head waiter, "why don't you put them things on our table too?" pointing to the plants.
The head waiter didn't know he was a congressman.
"We cain't do it, boss," he whispered confidentially; "dey's mostly congressmen at 'dis table, an' if we put pa'ms on de table dey take um for celery an' eat um all up sho. 'Deed dey would, boss. We knows 'em."
Representative X, from North Carolina, was one night awakened by his wife, who whispered, "John, John, get up! There are robbers in the house."
"Robbers?" he said. "There may be robbers in the Senate, Mary; but not in the House! It's preposterous!"—John N. Cole, Jr.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
КОНГРЕСС
Конгресс — это национальный следственный орган, целью которого является получение ценной информации, а затем ничего с ней не делать.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
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COMPROMISES
Boss—"There's $10 gone from my cash drawer, Johnny; you and I were the only people who had keys to that drawer."
Office Boy—"Well, s'pose we each pay $5 and say no more about it."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COMPLIMENTS
Supper was in progress, and the father was telling about a row which took place in front of his store that morning: "The first thing I saw was one man deal the other a sounding blow, and then a crowd gathered. The man who was struck ran and grabbed a large shovel he had been using on the street, and rushed back, his eyes blazing fiercely. I thought he'd surely knock the other man's brains out, and I stepped right in between them."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COMPETITION
A new baby arrived at a house. A little girl—now fifteen—had been the pet of the family. Every one made much of her, but when there was a new baby she felt rather neglected.
"How are you, Mary?" a visitor asked of her one afternoon.
"Oh, I'm all right," she said, "except that I think there is too much competition in this world."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
COMPENSATION
"Speakin' of de law of compensation," said Uncle Eben, "an automobile goes faster dan a mule, but at de same time it hits harder and balks longer."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A friend once wrote Mark Twain a letter saying that he was in very bad health, and concluding: "Is there anything worse than having toothache and earache at the same time?"
The humorist wrote back: "Yes, rheumatism and Saint Vitus's dance."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
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CONSTANCY
A soldier belonging to a brigade in command of a General who believed in a celibate army asked permission to marry, as he had two good-conduct badges and money in the savings-bank.
"Well, go-away," said the General, "and if you come back to me a year from today in the same frame of mind you shall marry. I'll keep the vacancy."
On the anniversary the soldier repeated his request.
"But do you really, after a year, want to marry?" inquired the General in a surprised tone.
"Yes, sir; very much."
"Sergeant-Major, take his name down. Yes, you may marry. I never believed there was so much constancy in man or woman. Right face; quick march!"
As the man left the room, turning his head, he said, "Thank you, sir; but it isn't the same woman."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
CONSIDERATION
The goose had been carved at the Christmas dinner and everybody had tasted it. It was excellent. The negro minister, who was the guest of honor, could not restrain his enthusiasm.
"Dat's as fine a goose as I evah see, Bruddah Williams," he said to his host. "Whar did you git such a fine goose?"
"Well, now, Pahson," replied the carver of the goose, exhibiting great dignity and reticence, "when you preaches a speshul good sermon I never axes you whar you got it. I hopes you will show me de same considerashion."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
CONSCIENCE
The moral of this story may be that it is better to heed the warnings of the "still small voice" before it is driven to the use of the telephone.
A New York lawyer, gazing idly out of his window, saw a sight in an office across the street that made him rub his eyes and look again. Yes, there was no doubt about it. The pretty stenographer was sitting upon the gentleman's lap. The lawyer noticed the name that was lettered on the window and then searched in the telephone book. Still keeping his eye upon the scene across the street, he called the gentleman up. In a few moments he saw him start violently and take down the receiver.
"Yes," said the lawyer through the telephone, "I should think you would start."
The victim whisked his arm from its former position and began to stammer something.
"Yes," continued the lawyer severely, "I think you'd better take that arm away. And while you're about it, as long as there seems to be plenty of chairs in the room—"
The victim brushed the lady from his lap, rather roughly, it is to be feared. "Who—who the devil is this, anyhow?" he managed to splutter.
"I," answered the lawyer in deep, impressive tones, "am your conscience!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A Georgia Congressman had put up at an American-plan hotel in New York. When, upon sitting down at dinner the first evening of his stay, the waiter obsequiously handed him a bill of fare, the Congressman tossed it aside, slipped the waiter a dollar bill, and said, "Bring me a good dinner."
The dinner proving satisfactory, the Southern member pursued this plan during his entire stay in New York. As the last tip was given, he mentioned that he was about to return to Washington.
Whereupon, the waiter, with an expression of great earnestness, said:
"Well, sir, when you or any of your friends that can't read come to New York, just ask for Dick."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Champ Clark loves to tell of how in the heat of a debate Congressman Johnson of Indiana called an Illinois representative a jackass. The expression was unparliamentary, and in retraction Johnson said:
"While I withdraw the unfortunate word, Mr. Speaker, I must insist that the gentleman from Illinois is out of order."
"How am I out of order?" yelled the man from Illinois.
"Probably a veterinary surgeon could tell you," answered Johnson, and that was parliamentary enough to stay on the record.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"Judging from the stuff printed in the newspapers," says a congressman, "we are a pretty bad lot. Almost in the class a certain miss whom I know unconsciously puts us in. It was at a recent examination at her school that the question was put, 'Who makes the laws of our government?'
"'Congress,' was the united reply.
"'How is Congress divided?' was the next query.
"My young friend raised her hand.
"'Well,' said the teacher, 'what do you say the answer is?'
"Instantly, with an air of confidence as well as triumph, the Miss replied, 'Civilized, half civilized, and savage.'"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"Confession is good for the soul."
"Yes, but it's bad for the reputation."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Little Ethel had been brought up with a firm hand and was always taught to report misdeeds promptly. One afternoon she came sobbing penitently to her mother.
"Mother, I—I broke a brick in the fireplace."
"Well, it might be worse. But how on earth did you do it, Ethel?"
"I pounded it with your watch."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
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A farmer during a long-continued drought invented a machine for watering his fields. The very first day while he was trying it there suddenly came a downpour of rain. He put away his machine.
"It's no use," he said; "you can do nothing nowadays without competition."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
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Каждый день мы делимся фразами на английском языке, которые помогут вам улучшить ваши знания английского, независимо от вашего текущего уровня.
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@linba_app
Is it possible your pragmatical worship should not know that the comparisons made between wit and wit, courage and courage, beauty and beauty, birth and birth, are always odious and ill taken?
"Girls make me tired," said the fresh young man. "They are always going to palmists to have their hands read."
"Indeed!" said she sweetly; "is that any worse than men going into saloons to get their noses red?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"Darling," whispered the ardent suitor, "I lay my fortune at your feet."
"Your fortune?" she replied in surprise. "I didn't know you had one."
"Well, it isn't much of a fortune, but it will look large besides those tiny feet."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A well-known author tells of an English spinster who said, as she watched a great actress writhing about the floor as Cleopatra:
"How different from the home life of our late dear queen!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы