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Кто хочет знать английский как англичанин, тот читает тут рассказы на настоящем королевском английском языке. В оригинале . Реклама @neznayca или по ссылке telega.in/c/one_story
The colonel came down to breakfast New Year's morning with a bandaged hand.
"Why, colonel, what's the matter?" they asked.
"Confound it all!" the colonel answered, "we had a little party last night, and one of the younger men got intoxicated and stepped on my hand."
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"Where's old Four-Fingered Pete?" asked Alkali Ike. "I ain't seen him around here since I got back."
"Pete?" said the bartender. "Oh, he went up to Hyena Tongue and got jagged. Went up to a hotel winder, stuck his head in and hollered 'Fire!' and everybody did."
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DROUGHTS
Governor Glasscock of West Virginia, while traveling through Arizona, noticed the dry, dusty appearance of the country.
"Doesn't it ever rain around here?" he asked one of the natives.
"Rain?" The native spat. "Rain? Why say pardner, there's bullfrogs in this yere town over five years old that hain't learned to swim yet!"
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A priest went to a barber shop conducted by one of his Irish parishioners to get a shave. He observed the barber was suffering from a recent celebration, but decided to take a chance. In a few moments the barber's razor had nicked the father's cheek. "There, Pat, you have cut me," said the priest as he raised his hand and caressed the wound. "Yis, y'r riv'rance," answered the barber. "That shows you," continued the priest, in a tone of censure, "what the use of liquor will do." "Yis, y'r riv'rance," replied the barber, humbly, "it makes the skin tender."
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When President Eliot of Harvard was in active service as head of the university, reports came to him that one of his young charges was in the habit of absorbing more liquor than was good for him, and President Eliot determined to do his duty and look into the matter.
Meeting the young man under suspicion in the yard shortly after breakfast one day the president marched up to him and demanded, "Young man, do you drink?"
"Why, why, why," stammered the young man, "why, President Eliot, not so early in the morning, thank you."
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Here's to the girls of the American shore, I love but one, I love no more, Since she's not here to drink her part, I'll drink her share with all my heart.
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DOCTOR (feeling Sandy's pulse in bed)—"What do you drink."
SANDY (with brightening face)—"Oh, I'm nae particular, doctor! Anything you've got with ye."
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Карл Густав Юнг теперь в Telegram!
Мысли одного из самых
цитируемых психологов
Подписаться:
t.me/CarlGustavJung_tg
A young Englishman came to Washington and devoted his days and nights to an earnest endeavor to drink all the Scotch whiskey there was. He couldn't do it, and presently went to a doctor, complaining of a disordered stomach.
"Quit drinking!" ordered the doctor.
"But, my dear sir, I cawn't. I get so thirsty."
"Well," said the doctor, "whenever you are thirsty eat an apple instead of taking a drink."
The Englishman paid his fee and left. He met a friend to whom he told his experience.
"Bally rot!" he protested. "Fawncy eating forty apples a day!"
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⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️ Третьяковская галерея теперь в Telegram!
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We all know the troubles of a dramatist are many and varied.
Here's an advertisement taken from a morning paper that shows to what a pass a genius may come in a great city:
"Wanted—A collaborator, by a young playwright. The play is already written; collaborator to furnish board and bed until play is produced."
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⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️ Третьяковская галерея теперь в Telegram!
Покупать билет не нужно:
t.me/Nothing_Book_tg
Так как я никуда не могу поехать и даже почти не выхожу из дома, то все мои интересы, конечно, перекочевали в виртуальные миры. Который я, кстати, сам себе и придумываю.
Зарылся в нейросети. И вот уже у меня выходит третий клип в ютубе. Посмотрите, когда станет скучно. Лайк и подписка, конечно, а комментарий по желанию:
Киберпанк: youtu.be/655urDmfPTE?si=2GEn327GBQQfzkiQ
Космический Futurism: youtu.be/FGS3de-f_Zk?si=oXLyyty-6g9dl3y1
Стимпанк: youtu.be/fUH4TAoM-rs?si=COfxleuctfZDq-nx
Приятного просмотра!
DRAMATIC CRITICISM
Theodore Dreiser, the novelist, was talking about criticism.
"I like pointed criticism," he said, "criticism such as I heard in the lobby of a theater the other night at the end of the play."
"The critic was an old gentleman. His criticism, which was for his wife's ears alone, consisted of these words:
"'Well, you would come!'"
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Это лучший формат подготовки к выходу в театр
Наша дружеская рекомендация - проект "Свидание с оперой" музыковеда Екатерины Муковозчик.
У Кати есть авторские лекции в записи по 28 (!) операм.
"Никогда ещё опера не была такой близкой и понятной, не воспринималась так глубоко и полно, как после Катиной лекции"
The Irish talent for repartee has an amusing illustration in Lord Rossmore's recent book "Things I Can Tell." While acting as magistrate at an Irish village, Lord Rossmore said to an old offender brought before him: "You here again?" "Yes, your honor." "What's brought you here?" "Two policemen, your honor." "Come, come, I know that—drunk again, I suppose?" "Yes, your honor, both of them."
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DRUNKARDS
Sing a song of sick gents,
Pockets full of rye,
Four and twenty highballs,
We wish that we might die.
_____________________________
Two booze-fiends were ambling homeward at an early hour, after being out nearly all night.
"Don't your wife miss you on these occasions?" asked one.
"Not often," replied the other; "she throws pretty straight."
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Ex-congressman Asher G. Caruth, of Kentucky, tells this story of an experience he once had on a visit to a little Ohio town.
"I went up there on legal business," he says, "and, knowing that I should have to stay all night, I proceeded directly to the only hotel. The landlord stood behind the desk and regarded me with a kindly air as I registered. It seems that he was a little hard of hearing, a fact of which I was not aware. As I jabbed the pen back into the dish of bird shot, I said:
"'Can you direct me to the bank?'
"He looked at me blankly for a second, then swinging the register around, he glanced down swiftly, caught the 'Louisville' after my name, and an expression of complete understanding lighting up his countenance, he said:
"'Certainly, sir. You will find the bar right through that door at the left.'"
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WIFE (on auto tour)—"That fellow back there said there is a road-house a few miles down the road. Shall we stop there?"
HUSBAND—"Did he whisper it or say it out loud?"
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A well-known Scottish architect was traveling in Palestine recently, when news reached him of an addition to his family circle. The happy father immediately provided himself with some water from the Jordan to carry home for the christening of the infant, and returned to Scotland.
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There is many a cup 'twixt the lip and the slip.—Judge.
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If you are invited to drink at any man's house more than you think is wholesome, you may say "you wish you could, but so little makes you both drunk and sick; that you should only be bad company by doing so."— Lord Chesterfield.
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The Frenchman loves his native wine;
The German loves his beer;
The Englishman loves his 'alf and 'alf,
Because it brings good cheer;
The Irishman loves his "whiskey straight,"
Because it gives him dizziness;
The American has no choice at all,
So he drinks the whole blamed business.
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DRESSMAKERS
WIFE—"Wretch! Show me that letter."
HUSBAND—"What letter?"
WIFE—"That one in your hand. It's from a woman, I can see by the writing, and you turned pale when you saw it."
HUSBAND—"Yes. Here it is. It's your dressmaker's bill."
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"So you think the author of this play will live, do you?" remarked the tourist.
"Yes," replied the manager of the Frozen Dog Opera House. "He's got a five-mile start and I don't think the boys kin ketch him."—Life.
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DRAMATISTS
"I hear Scribbler finally got one of his plays on the boards."
"Yes, the property man tore up his manuscript and used it in the snow storm scene."
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Nat Goodwin, the American comedian, when at the Shaftesbury Theatre, London, told of an experience he once had with a juvenile deadhead in a town in America. Standing outside the theater a little time before the performance was due to begin he observed a small boy with an anxious, forlorn look on his face and a weedy-looking pup in his arms.
Goodwin inquired what was the matter, and was told that the boy wished to sell the dog so as to raise the price of a seat in the gallery. The actor suspected at once a dodge to secure a pass on the "sympathy racket," but allowing himself to be taken in he gave the boy a pass. The dog was deposited in a safe place and the boy was able to watch Goodwin as the Gilded Fool from a good seat in the gallery. Next day Goodwin saw the boy again near the theater, so he asked:
"Well, sonny, how did you like the show?"
"I'm glad I didn't sell my dog," was the reply.
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I think I love and reverence all arts equally, only putting my own just above the others.... To me it seems as if when God conceived the world, that was Poetry; He formed it, and that was Sculpture; He colored it, and that was Painting; He peopled it with living beings, and that was the grand, divine, eternal Drama.—Charlotte Cushman.
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LARRY—"I like Professor Whatishisname in Shakespeare. He brings things home to you that you never saw before."
HARRY—"Huh! I've got a laundryman as good as that."
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