14418
Кто хочет знать английский как англичанин, тот читает тут рассказы на настоящем королевском английском языке. В оригинале . Реклама @neznayca или по ссылке telega.in/c/one_story
The young man in the third row of seats looked bored. He wasn't having a good time. He cared nothing for the Shakespearean drama.
"What's the greatest play you ever saw?" the young woman asked, observing his abstraction.
Instantly he brightened.
"Tinker touching a man out between second and third and getting the ball over to Chance in time to nab the runner to first!" he said.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"I am sending you a thousand kisses," he wrote to his fair young wife who was spending her first month away from him. Two days later he received the following telegram: "Kisses received. Landlord refuses to accept any of them on account." Then he woke up and forwarded a check.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
DOMESTIC FINANCE
"Talk about Napoleon! That fellow Wombat is something of a strategist himself."
"As to how?"
"Got his salary raised six months ago, and his wife hasn't found it out yet."—Washington Herald.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The more one sees of men the more one likes dogs.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
William J. Stevens, for several years local station agent at Swansea, R. I., was peacefully promenading his platform one morning when a rash dog ventured to snap at one of William's plump legs. Stevens promptly kicked the animal halfway across the tracks, and was immediately confronted by the owner, who demanded an explanation in language more forcible than courteous.
"Why," said Stevens when the other paused for breath, "your dog's mad."
"Mad! Mad! You double-dyed blankety-blank fool, he ain't mad!"
"Oh, ain't he?" cut in Stevens. "Gosh! I should be if any one kicked me like that!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
DOGS
FAIR VISITOR—"Why are you giving Fido's teeth such a thorough brushing?"
FOND MISTRESS—"Oh! The poor darling's just bitten some horrid person, and, really, you know, one can't be too careful."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
«Нуу… Типа два голых мужика дерутся. Красиво, наверное…»
Примерно так 95% людей ведут себя, когда ходят по музею или просто смотрят на картины.
Чтобы не чувствовать себя неловко в культурном обществе, подписывайтесь на ARTерию.
Это ваша карманная галерея, только с объяснениями смысла картин. Вы научитесь обсуждать шедевры так, будто писали их сами.
Блесните интеллектом в компании друзей. Подписывайтесь: @arteriart
DIVORCE
"When a woman marries and then divorces her husband inside of a week what would you call it?"
"Taking his name in vain."—Princeton Tiger.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
У каждого района Москвы появился собственный телеграм-канал
Выбирай свой район и будь в курсе всего, что происходит рядом 👇
ЦАО: @CAO24
Патрики: @patriki
Таганский: @taganskiy
Якиманка: @yakimanka
Басманный: @basmanny
Хамовники: @khamovniki
Пресненский: @presnenskiy
Тверской и Арбат: @tverskoi
Мещанский: @meshchanskiy
Замоскворечье: @zamoskvoi
Красносельский: @krasnoselsky
СВАО: @SVAO24
Бибирево: @bibirevo
Ярославский: @uarik
Отрадное: @otradnoe
Бутырский: @butyrskiy
Бабушкинский: @babushk
Медведково: @medvedkovo
Алексеевский: @alexeevskiy
Марьина роща: @marinaroshcha
Свиблово и Ростокино: @sviblovo
Останкино и Марфино: @ostankino
Лианозово и Алтуфьево: @lianozov
САО: @SAO24
Дегунино: @degunino
Сокол и Аэропорт: @sokol
Дмитровский: @dmitrovskiy
Хорошёво и Беговой: @horoshov
Коптево и Войковский: @koptevo
Ховрино и Головинский: @hovrino
СЗАО: @SZAO24
Митино: @mitino
Тушино: @tushino
Строгино: @strogino
Хорошёво-Мнёвники: @mnevnik
Стрешнево и Щукино: @pokrovsk
ЗАО: @ZAO24
Раменки: @ramenki
Очаково: @ochakovo
Тропарёво: @troparev
Солнцево: @solntsevo
Можайский: @mojaiskiy
Дорогомилово и Фили: @fili
Кунцево и Крылатское: @kunzevo
Ново-Переделкино: @novoperedel
Проспект Вернадского: @vernadsk
ЮЗАО: @UZAO24
Зюзино: @zuzino
Бутово: @butovo
Коньково: @konkovo
Ясенево: @yasenevo
Тёплый Стан: @teplystan
Академический: @akadem
Черёмушки: @cheremushki
ЮАО: @UAO24
Бирюлёво: @birulevo
Чертаново: @chertanovo
Орехово-Борисово: @orexboris
Донской и Даниловский: @donsk
Нагатино и Нагорный: @nagarino
Царицыно и Москворечье: @tsari
Братеево и Зябликово: @brateevo
ЮВАО: @UVAO24
Лефортово: @lefor
Марьино: @marino
Люблино: @lublino
Кузьминки: @kuzminki
Рязанский: @razanskiy
Некрасовка: @nekrasov
Южнопортовый: @uznoport
Выхино-Жулебино: @vihzhel
Текстильщики, Печатники: @teksti
ВАО: @VAO24
Гольяново: @galianovo
Измайлово: @izmailovo
Сокольники: @sokolniki
Ивановское: @ivanovskoe
Косино и Вешняки: @kosino
Богородское: @bogorodskoe
Перово и Новогиреево: @perovo
Преображенское: @preobrazhensk
ТиНАО: @TiNAO24
ЗеЛАО: @ZeLAO24
Вся Москва и область: @MSK24
Известные личности теперь в Telegram!
😄 Карл Густав Юнг – мысли одного из самых цитируемых психологов.
🥲 Фридрих Ницше – мысли самого цитируемого философа.
🫠 Фаина Раневская – самая цитируемая женщина. Истории из жизни, иронические цитаты.
🙂 Андрей Тарковский – канал о жизни и творчестве великого режиссёра.
😂 Эрих Мария Ремарк – цитаты из произведений и писем великого писателя.
Присоединяйтесь!
DISCOUNTS
A train in Arizona was boarded by robbers, who went through the pockets of the luckless passengers. One of them happened to be a traveling salesman from New York, who, when his turn came, fished out $200, but rapidly took $4 from the pile and placed it in his vest pocket.
"What do you mean by that?" asked the robber, as he toyed with his revolver. Hurriedly came the answer: "Mine frent, you surely vould not refuse me two per zent discount on a strictly cash transaction like dis?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"Miss de Simpson," said the young secretary of legation, "I have opened negotiations with your father upon the subject of—er—coming to see you oftener, with a view ultimately to forming an alliance, and he has responded favorably. May I ask if you will ratify the arrangement, as a modus vivendi?"
"Mr. von Harris," answered the daughter of the eminent diplomat, "don't you think it would have been a more graceful recognition of my administrative entity if you had asked me first?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Scripture tells us that a soft answer turneth away wrath. A witty repartee sometimes helps one immensely also.
When Richard Olney was secretary of state he frequently gave expression to the opinion that appointees to the consular service should speak the language of the countries to which they were respectively accredited. It is said that when a certain breezy and enterprising western politician who was desirous of serving the Cleveland administration in the capacity of consul of the Chinese ports presented his papers to Mr. Olney, the secretary remarked:
"Are you aware, Mr. Blank, that I never recommend to the President the appointment of a consul unless he speaks the language of the country to which he desires to go? Now, I suppose you do not speak Chinese?"
Whereupon the westerner grinned broadly. "If, Mr. Secretary," said he, "you will ask me a question in Chinese, I shall be happy to answer it." He got the appointment.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
For a man seldom thinks with more earnestness of anything than he does of his dinner
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A macaroon,
A cup of tea,
An afternoon,
Is all that she
Will eat;
She's in society.
But let me take
This maiden fair
To some café,
And, then and there,
She'll eat the whole
Blame bill of fare.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
DRAMA
The average modern play calls in the first act for all our faith, in the second for all our hope, and in the last for all our charity.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A Lakewood woman was recently reading to her little boy the story of a young lad whose father was taken ill and died, after which he set himself diligently to work to support himself and his mother. When she had finished her story she said:
"Dear Billy, if your papa were to die, would you work to support your dear mamma?"
"Naw!" said Billy unexpectedly.
"But why not?"
"Ain't we got a good house to live in?"
"Yes, dearie, but we can't eat the house, you know."
"Ain't there a lot o' stuff in the pantry?"
"Yes, but that won't last forever."
"It'll last till you git another husband, won't it? You're a pretty good looker, ma!"
Mamma gave up right there.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
❓Бывает, что возникает непростая правовая ситуация по уголовному или гражданскому делу, а вопрос задать некому
Меня зовут Эльдар Сулейманов, я адвокат с 2002 года, два года работал в прокуратуре района помощником прокурора по общему надзору
Здесь вы всегда найдете профессиональную защиту в вашей сложной ситуации и обретете спокойствие и безопасность
❗️Конфиденциально, адвокатская тайна — о вас никто ничего личного не узнает, если вы того захотите
❗️В основном, я занимаюсь уголовными делами, а за 20 лет практики накопился значительный опыт и по другим делам
Пишите свои вопросы, чтобы получить консультацию
✅ Легко получить ответ — @EldarSuleymanov
Все задачи решаемы; если выхода не видно, значит нужно еще поискать.
☑️ Помогу в:
Онлайн консультация;
Очная консультация;
Ознакомление с материалами дела ;
Выезд к следователю, в СИЗО, в суд;
Ведение любого дела ;
⭕️В канале вы можете найти отзывы о моей работе, пожалуйста, заходите, задавайте вопросы и подписывайтесь - /channel/moiadvokat
One would have it that a collie is the most sagacious of dogs, while the other stood up for the setter.
"I once owned a setter," declared the latter, "which was very intelligent. I had him on the street one day, and he acted so queerly about a certain man we met that I asked the man his name, and—"
"Oh, that's an old story!" the collie's advocate broke in sneeringly. "The man's name was Partridge, of course, and because of that the dog came to a set. Ho, ho! Come again!"
"You're mistaken," rejoined the other suavely. "The dog didn't come quite to a set, though almost. As a matter of fact, the man's name was Quayle, and the dog hesitated on account of the spelling!"—P. R. Benson.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
"Do you know that that bulldog of yours killed my wife's little harmless, affectionate poodle?"
"Well, what are you going to do about it?"
"Would you be offended if I was to present him with a nice brass collar?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
A family moved from the city to a suburban locality and were told that they should get a watchdog to guard the premises at night. So they bought the largest dog that was for sale in the kennels of a neighboring dog fancier, who was a German. Shortly afterward the house was entered by burglars who made a good haul, while the big dog slept. The man went to the dog fancier and told him about it.
"Veil, vat you need now," said the dog merchant, "is a leedle dog to vake up the big dog."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
DOGS
LADY (to tramp who had been commissioned to find her lost poodle)—"The poor little darling, where did you find him?"
TRAMP—"Oh, a man 'ad 'im, miss, tied to a pole, and was cleaning the windows wiv 'im!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
DISTANCES
A regiment of regulars was making a long, dusty march across the rolling prairie land of Montana last summer. It was a hot, blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.
A rancher rode past.
"Say, friend," called out one of the men, "how far is it to the next town?"
"Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon," called back the rancher. Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.
"How far to the next town?" the men asked him eagerly.
"Oh, a good two miles."
A weary half-hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher.
"Hey, how far's the next town?"
"Not far," was the encouraging answer. "Only about two miles."
"Well," sighed an optimistic sergeant, "thank God, we're holdin' our own, anyhow!"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
DISPOSITION
One eastern railroad has a regular form for reporting accidents to animals on its right of way. Recently a track foreman had the killing of a cow to report. In answer to the question, "Disposition of carcass?" he wrote: "Kind and gentle."
There was one man who had a reputation for being even tempered. He was always cross.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
DISCRETION
When you can, use discretion; when you can't, use a club.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Винсент Ван Гог, Клод Моне, Иван Айвазовский.
Культовыми художниками теперь можно наслаждаться в одном месте.
На канале "Nothing Book" публикуют полотна из Третьяковской галереи, Лувра, Эрмитажа, а также описание и интересные факты про них.
Рекомендуем посетить отличный канал об искусстве:
t.me/Nothing_Book_tg
Скучал, пьянствовал, ел шоколад.
Пётр Чайковский
5 февраля, 1889 г.
Был целый день невоздержан: жрал рахат-лукум, мороженое и всякую дрянь.
Лев Толстой
16 июня, 1852 г.
Свободы хочется и денег. Сидеть бы на палубе, трескать вино и беседовать о литературе, а вечером дамы.
Антон Чехов
28 июля, 1893 г.
📖 Дневниками и мыслями известных личностей теперь можно наслаждаться в одном месте.
Канал "Жизнь в дневниках" – это собрание лучших мыслей и дневниковых записей великих писателей, художников, режиссёров и композиторов.
Подписывайтесь, чтобы восхищаться интересными личностями:
t.me/dnevnikitg
DIPLOMACY
WIFE—"Please match this piece of silk for me before you come home."
HUSBAND—"At the counter where the sweet little blond works? The one with the soulful eyes and—"
WIFE—"No. You're too tired to shop for me when your day's work is done, dear. On second thought, I won't bother you."
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
The small daughter of the house was busily setting the tables for expected company when her mother called to her:
"Put down three forks at each place, dear."
Having made some observations on her own account when the expected guests had dined with her mother before, she inquired thoughtfully:
"Shall I give Uncle John three knives?"
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы
Whistler, the artist, was one day invited to dinner at a friend's house and arrived at his destination two hours late.
🇬🇧 @one_story | Культурные каналы