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Woman’s Hands Become Bloody Nubs Of Raw Flesh After Forgetting Nightly Moisturizing Routine https://bit.ly/3kwurAL

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Report: Your Father Probably Out With One Of His Whores Tonight https://bit.ly/3kG0aj7

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Man Just Going To Assume Apartment Has Functional Carbon Monoxide Detector Somewhere https://bit.ly/3XLFIMn

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https://www.theonion.com/biggest-misconceptions-people-have-about-polyamory-1849967800?utm_campaign=The+Onion&utm_content=1674954006&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_source=twitter

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Dorm Room Decorated With Empty Bottles Of Adderall https://bit.ly/3DhqaIb

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Dream Vacation Turns Deadly For Area Houseplant https://bit.ly/3j3LHNl

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Crazed, Froth-Mouthed Mother Demands Grandchildren Now https://bit.ly/3Hw7Oph

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Report Reveals Jesus Christ May Have Benefited From Father’s Influential Position To Gain High-Powered Role As Lord And Savior https://bit.ly/3WEOnyH

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Frigid Chicago Bean Shrivels Up From Below-Zero Temperatures https://bit.ly/3Je2O9U

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Man Needs Verbal Assurance That Hand Stamp Will Get Him Back In https://bit.ly/3j0SFmg

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Study Finds Goosebumps Caused By Psychotic Weirdo Masturbating To Old Photo Of You https://bit.ly/3J8ST5q

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https://www.theonion.com/what-your-therapist-is-actually-thinking-about-you-whil-1847519440?utm_campaign=The+Onion&utm_content=1674867610&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_source=twitter

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“Lofi hip hop radio - beats to clean blood off walls” https://bit.ly/3Jm967G

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Home Inspector Warns That House Lacks Banister You Can Slide All The Way Down https://bit.ly/406XkUn

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7-Year-Old Unable To Maintain Single Cohesive Storyline While Playing With Action Figures https://bit.ly/3H9pCoU

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Area Child Disappointed To Learn Parents’ Love Unconditional https://bit.ly/3Rhio6L

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Scientists Discover Dangerous Link Between Book Learnin’, Back Talk https://bit.ly/3krvemw

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Nation Nearly Strings Together 3 Good Days In Row https://bit.ly/3HyFSB2

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Kotex Introduces New Expedition Tampons With Very Long String For Easily Tracing Way Back Home https://bit.ly/3jbJzmT

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Report: There Just Something Dark And Intriguing About Man With Serious Personality Disorder https://bit.ly/3iZiyTC

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Professional Poker Player Banned For Deceiving Opponents By Knowingly Betting On Weak Hand https://bit.ly/3XuFGZl

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Overwhelmed New Grandparents Finally Feeling What It Like To Love A Child https://bit.ly/3D8RB70

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