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Crack your ribs everyday with laughter. Contact the admin @EmmanuelMuema Join my 50 Telegram channels by clicking here https://telegra.ph/Join-My-50-Telegram-Channels-02-04 This channel's link is https://telegram.me/sickjokes
Tired of my wife calling me thick-headed, I got up and declared I was leaving her. So I packed my bags and headed towards the door. She soon burst into laughter as the air hostess told me to get back in my seat.
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I made my wife's dreams come true and we were married in a castle. But you sure wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.
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I was told that if a woman doesn't answer your phone calls it generally means that she's angry with you. It's best to leave her alone and let her cool off. Three weeks later I discovered my grandma decaying on her bathroom floor.
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Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
A teacher was telling her students about human anatomy in a sex education class. She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of a male and a female. "The female has two breasts and one vagina. The male has one penis."
A little boy in the front row jumped up and said that the teacher was wrong, "My daddy has two penises. He has a short one that he pees with and a long one that he brushes mummy's teeth with!"
Hey guys in Call of Duty 4 game I can't change my name. Whenever I go to options - Multiplayer Settings, there are some bugs. Since the girls have stopped reading this post, can u guys suggest some good porn sites??
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One thing that always discourages me from asking women for a second date is if they have a petty attitude about minor things. Over the years I've heard it all:
"I didn't like the colour of your shirt."
"You didn't open the taxi door for me."
"You anally raped me in the toilets."
Unbelievable. No wonder they're still single.
Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you stop your husband from staying out late?
Wife #2: Well, every time he would come home I would simply say, "Mike, is that you?"
Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that stop him from staying out late?
Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew.
That stupid bitch living across the road has only gone and phoned the police on me again!
She stands in her bedroom window stark bollock naked and watches me while i have a wank, but apparently I'm the one who's a pervert!
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I'm convinced that 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notifications that there's a new version of itself.
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Had to bury my mother-in-law today and I must admit it was quite a shocking experience. I didn't expect her to scream for as long as she did.
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I went into the kitchen this morning and said to the wife, "Is that coffee I smell?"
She said, "It is and you do."
A colleague at work asked me what day it was today.
"I'll just check my underpants" I said.
"Oh, are they those novelty ones that have the day of the week on them?"
"No" I replied, "It's just that if they're clean, it's Monday."
I read that eating bananas makes your cum taste nicer, so I've been eating about 20 every day. There's been a real improvement in the customer feedback reviews at the Burger King where I work.
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One drunk said, "These steps are nice and even."
"Yes," replied the other, "but the handrails are too low."
Then the train hit them.
Just watched "50 Shades Darker" today. Honestly what a joke. They show women in ropes and chains being whipped as sexy and kinky. But when I get caught doing it it's classed as kidnap and rape. What a strange society we live in.
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I hate it whenever I'm watching TV and the batteries die.
I get so angry I start slapping it against my leg to get it to work. It never works.
So I have to get up, go over to the drawer and get out another dildo.
I phoned my wife at work.
"Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you, and they're stabbing it?" I asked.
"No?" She replied, sounding puzzled.
"How about now...?"
I'm a born survivor. My birthmark is in the shape of a coat hanger.
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My wife left me because of my insecurities. No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea.
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