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Crack your ribs everyday with laughter. Contact the admin @EmmanuelMuema Join my 50 Telegram channels by clicking here https://telegra.ph/Join-My-50-Telegram-Channels-02-04 This channel's link is https://telegram.me/sickjokes
MOMENT OF SILENCE
Maranda 2015 K.C.S.E. results
159 As
103 A-
Maranda 2016 K.C.S.E. results
0 As
3 A-
Luke 8:17
"For nothing is hidden that will not be made to manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light."
Jana na juzi kulikuwa na jam ya watu kwa butchery, leo naona kuna jam ya madame kwa Chemist. What the hell is happening?
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Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close his casket.
How are children like cellphones? If you’ve lost one and haven’t found it in a couple days, chances are it’s probably dead.
@sickjokes
Instead of "The John," I call my toilet "The Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
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While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes. "Wow! What a great idea," he thinks to himself and buys three of them. Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.
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Instead of "The John," I call my toilet "The Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
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Kuuza soul yako ni hasara. Demons will rape you usiku at 3 a.m (Masaa ya wachawi) mpaka kwa ass...
No mercy!
No lube!
Dry dry wacha hata dry fry!
@sickjokes
Nimeguza dame mwingine haga ki njaro tukiwa kwa line ya bank, kidogo kidogo akageuka nikajua leo ni kichapo napewa, akanishow ''Wanaume huko nje wanagrab land na wewe ni matako tu unagrab hapa.''
Aki ameniharibia siku niambieni pole.
@sickjokes
Nilianza kuweka pesa chini ya mattress kutoka kitambo mpaka wa leo, what I'm trying to say in English is that "I'm not poor in bed."
@sickjokes
That awkward moment when you are having sex with a prostitute and you're seriously thrusting and penetrating into her soul and you're like
"Oh! Baby, say my name"..........and then she screams, "CUUUUSTOMEEEEERRR!!!"
Saitan!!! Acheni nikunywe chai tu sitaki kuokotwa Koinange.
@sickjokes
Dating siku hizi ni kama kazi ya mjengo. Kitu kidogo tu unaambiwa usikuje kesho.
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STREPSILS BLOWJOB DISCOVERED; IT'S BETTER THAN EARLY MAN'S DISCOVERY OF FIRE.
http://wp.me/p3KU8G-37g
The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like. "A cup of boiled water please"
"Water? I thought you guys drank blood"
"Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire while taking out a used tampon.
@sickjokes
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes, how can we help you sir?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, Sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open everypiece of wood, but cant find any marijuana.
They swear at Billy Bob and leave.
The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
*Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" says his best friend
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?" his best friend asks.
"Yeap."
"Happy birthday buddy!" his best friend replies.
@sickjokes
A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out they are both virgins. Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sex. So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband. "OK, honey," he says, "this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll both rush out at each other and then it will just happen in the middle of the bedroom." The wife is a bit unsure about this, but since she doesn't have any better ideas she agrees. So, the husband goes into the closet and the wife goes into the bathroom and they both get undressed. The anticipation is driving the husband mad and as he takes off his clothes he gets an enormous erection. The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush into the bedroom towards each other. But since the room is dark the husband gets disoriented and runs by his wife — right into the dresser. He hits the dresser so hard that he passes out from the pain. The next thing he remembers is coming to in a hosital bed, with a doctor looking down at him. His throbbing dick is still so painful that he moans to the doctor, "Doc, doc, how bad is it?" "That's nothing, son. Wait till you see your wife! We still haven't gotten her off the doorknob."
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Hii 2016 kuna madame wametumiwa kuliko ile ndimu ya msee wa mahindi. 😂
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Some girls can be very funny, she will hang one leg on your shoulder for two hours of sex, but wacha ifike saa ya kuruka kamtaro kadogo kwa estate utaskia akisema, "Aki babe unajua naezavunjika spine, ama niangushe fallopian tube ovaries zangu zipasuke."
@sickjokes
Unatoka kwa bae asubuhi unaskia wamama hapo nje wakisema "Lakini huyo hakumpigisha nduru kama yule mwingine".
Nisaidieni na handkerchief nijipanguze machozi.
@sickjokes powered by @EmmanuelMuema
Kilimani Mums Uncensored will kill me. Over the past few weeks, Strepsils-the throat lozenges-have been trending on their Facebook page which has over 144,000 female members. No no no, women have not been trying to find effective cure for sore throat with the common cold that invariably visits people when the December rains come down.
Apparently, besides being an effective sore throat fixer, Strepsils, especially Coo Menthol variety, has been transforming the sexual lives of Nairobians. Women are using Strepsils to give better blowjobs. When the Strepsils pill dissolves in the mouth, leaving the cooly, menthol air in the mouth, it makes blowjobs so much better that men lose their heads, they say.