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Crack your ribs everyday with laughter. Contact the admin @EmmanuelMuema Join my 50 Telegram channels by clicking here https://telegra.ph/Join-My-50-Telegram-Channels-02-04 This channel's link is https://telegram.me/sickjokes
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.
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Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
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Ndio naelekea Uhuru Park saa hii. Kuna madame hupenda kulala lala huko halafu wanajisahau.
#ufisi
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Lakini dame akipata ball mara mbili accidentally kwa the same bed, si hiyo bed sasa inafaa kuitwa blackspot?
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Do you love Kiswahili or English jokes?
Kiswahili jokes – 335
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 53%
English jokes – 294
👍👍👍👍👍👍 47%
👥 629 people voted so far.
Sasa kuna huyu dame nilipata tao some few weeks ago. Juzi akanishow nimwendee leo tao mapema anipee vyombo. Sasa leo nimeamka mapema nikang'arisha hao, nikaomba jirani vitambaa na net nikatandika poa ikang'ara. By saa mbili hivi nilikuwa nishamchukua tunaenda kwangu. Nikaamua ni heri anipee kwanza at least kiu ipoe ndio hata tupike chai. Ndio hao sisi kwa bed, kumdara kiasi, kumtoa nguo, nikaona pia naye ananitoa nguo akinidara, nikafeel ni kama napepea, kunidara kifua kiasi hivi, akapeleka mkono akanishika mboo, nikafikiria anataka kuishika shika isimame vizuri, kumbe anaipima uzito, kidogo kidogo akaniuliza huku bado ameishika, "Ni hii tu ndio uko nayo ama kuna ingine umeeka mahali?" Nikashangaa hii ni swali gani sasa. Nikamjibu "Mbona?" Akaclick na akaanza kuvaa manguo. Nikamuuliza, " Kwani nimekukosea wapi tena?" Akaniangalia na kuniambia, "Mimi sichezangi kalongo...kaa ukijua hivyo" na akachukua handbag na kuenda zake.
Saa hii niko na kamba kwa mkono,natafuta mti.
@sickjokes
Unacheza Temple Run na simu ya Infinix, kidogo kidogo inahang, ikiresume unapata huyo msee ameshikwa na muscle pull. So inabidi upake screen Deep Heat ndio aweze kutembea.
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What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Money.
Welcome to the first Telegram channel ever that allows members to participate and give feedback by clicking the "like" button.
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Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional." The second guy says, "I'm a DINK. You know, double income, no kids." The third guy says, "I'm a RUB. You know, rich urban biker." They turn to the woman and ask, "So what are you?" The woman replies, "I'm a WIFE. You know - Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
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A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting butter all over my bed!"
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A GAME OF ...
https://mynameisemmanuelmuema.wordpress.com/2015/07/07/a-game-of-rape/
PUBLIC NOTICE
If she removes her panty and trouser herself at the same time, please use a condom, kurisk achia entrepreneur.
THE GREATEST TEAM MAFISI PROVERBS OF ALL TIME.
1. Sijawahi lala na dame mwingine aki ya nani.
2. I promise you nitamwaga nje walahi.
3. Huyo dame ni cuzo yangu distant, I think sijawahi kushow.
4. Ntaingiza yote ndani lakini sitasongasonga.
5. Tucheze "Truth or Dare" na hakuna kukataa chochote.
6. I am looking for a chick to marry.
7. Mimi huenda VCT kupimwa like every 2 months.
8. Come kwangu ntakupea push jioni.
9. Mara mob nishaikaa na dame kwa bed na hakuna kitu ilihappen.
10. Mimi sikuwangi fisi.
11. Mtu huwa hafai kulala na jeans.
12. Utalala kwa hiyo bedroom ingine.
13. I swear I can't live without you, hata wewe unajua.
14. It's been long since I had sex, waah, you know my wife we are just together because of the kids.
15. Mi incase nipee dame ball walahii siwezi mruka kama machali wengine.
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Ukiona dame anabuy credo ya ten bob na simu yenye anatumia inacost more than 30K jua tu huyo ni sponsor amekataa kureply
"Please call me."
~Nelson Mandela 1945
Wife: Darling, how much do you love me????
Husband: 83.5%
Wife: Huh, why it is not 100%????
Husband: 16.5% VAT is applicable on all transactions.
😜
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Unaspank dame Mkamba hadi unaanza kukohoa ju ya ile vumbi inatoka hapo. 😂😂😂
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What is the difference between Jam and Jelly?
You can't jelly your dick up your girlfriend's arse!!
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull." The driver gets annoyed as the kid continues to yammer on, "If my dad was a rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick." The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?" The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver." 🙌
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