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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
My wife said she is divorcing me saying that I was to un-American.
Saw it coming from a kilometer away.
#other
@Sickipedia
Why does ten plus ten equal eleven plus eleven?
Because ten plus ten equals twenty and eleven plus eleven equals twenty too
#wordplay
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My friend told me that he never heard of Einstein’s Theory of Relativity before today.
I said, “It’s about time!”
#wordplay
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I asked my GF if she likes 6 inch or 12 inch
She got offended and said it is a matter of personal choice. Going to Subway for a sandwich can be difficult.
#other
@Sickipedia
A customer in an Italian restaurant is so pleased with his meal that he insists on telling the chef personally. The owner proudly leads him into the kitchen. “Your pizza is superb,” the customer tells the chef. “I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there.” “Naturally,” the chef says. “Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported!”
#other
@Sickipedia
Sugar is the only word in English language in which "Su" is pronounced as "Shu".
I am pretty sure about it.
#wordplay
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Women are refusing to sleep with men now that trump got re-elected
Apparently, my wife predicted the election two years ago!
#other
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Got drunk and made a pass at my girlfriend's mom and now my girlfriend's furious.
She yelled: "Why the fuck did you just throw that football at my mom?!"
#worpdplay
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What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A Slipper
#wordplay
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My favorite sex position is the JFK
It's when I splatter all over her face as she screams and tries to get out of the car.
#sexandshit
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I always get asked why I only sing when the car is in reverse.
I always tell them that it's because I'm a backup singer.
#wordplay
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What is the worst insult you can say to a ghost?
Get a life!
#wordplay
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I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
#oldbutgold
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A woman breaks up with a man with a small penis. His friends were amazed he didn't seem hurt or phased by the breakup.
It's okay," he said. "I wasn't that into her."
#wordplay
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Programmer's handbook for seniors - The Old Man and the C.
#wordplay
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The punchline comes before the joke.
You know why I hate time travel jokes?
#other
@Sickipedia
I am on a train and the guy collecting tickets wants to charge me extra because he heard me telling dad jokes
I told him that's not fare!
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
How do you circumsize a Redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
#sexandshit
@Sickipedia
My math teacher said I was just average
That's mean
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Why is there a K instead of a C in "dark"?
Because you can't c in the dark.
#wordplay
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The guy who invented umbrella was originally going to call it "brella"
But he hesitated
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
My girlfriend is my rock
When I need her, she just stays there and does nothing.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
An old couple are sitting in church when the old woman turns to her husband and says “I just let out a silent fart what should I do?”
The Husband says “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
#oldbutgold
@Sickipedia
A woman is playing with her one year old baby. “You’re so lucky… you slept, you ate, you played, you pooped, and then you slept again.”
Her husband’s voice from the bathroom: “Hey, it’s my day off!”
#other
@Sickipedia
A guy is walking around town when he sees a bar with a sign advertising "All the Beer You Can Drink for $1!"
He thinks that's a great deal so he goes in, sits down, hands the bartender a dollar, and asks for a beer.
"Sure, right away" says the bartender as he pulls out a tiny shot glass and fills it up halfway.
The man is stunned. "What the hell is this?" he asks.
"That's all the beer you can drink for $1."
#other
@Sickipedia
Chinese takeout: $10. Tip: $2. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
Riceless.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Recently my Girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back
And I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
#oldbutgold
@Sickipedia
They say during Sex you burn as many calories as running 5k race
Who runs a 5k in less than a minute?
#sexandshit
@Sickipedia
Einstein and his wife are going through a tough time in their marriage.
Einstein: “Tell me what you need. I’m here to help.”
Wife: “I just need two things right now: some space and time.”
Einstein: “Ok, so what’s the second thing?”
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Do you know how long fish should be cooked?
Probably the same as short fish.
#wordplay
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