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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
Why is there a K instead of a C in "dark"?
Because you can't c in the dark.
#wordplay
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The guy who invented umbrella was originally going to call it "brella"
But he hesitated
#wordplay
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My girlfriend is my rock
When I need her, she just stays there and does nothing.
#wordplay
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An old couple are sitting in church when the old woman turns to her husband and says “I just let out a silent fart what should I do?”
The Husband says “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
#oldbutgold
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A woman is playing with her one year old baby. “You’re so lucky… you slept, you ate, you played, you pooped, and then you slept again.”
Her husband’s voice from the bathroom: “Hey, it’s my day off!”
#other
@Sickipedia
A guy is walking around town when he sees a bar with a sign advertising "All the Beer You Can Drink for $1!"
He thinks that's a great deal so he goes in, sits down, hands the bartender a dollar, and asks for a beer.
"Sure, right away" says the bartender as he pulls out a tiny shot glass and fills it up halfway.
The man is stunned. "What the hell is this?" he asks.
"That's all the beer you can drink for $1."
#other
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Chinese takeout: $10. Tip: $2. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
Riceless.
#wordplay
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Recently my Girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back
And I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
#oldbutgold
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They say during Sex you burn as many calories as running 5k race
Who runs a 5k in less than a minute?
#sexandshit
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Einstein and his wife are going through a tough time in their marriage.
Einstein: “Tell me what you need. I’m here to help.”
Wife: “I just need two things right now: some space and time.”
Einstein: “Ok, so what’s the second thing?”
#wordplay
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Do you know how long fish should be cooked?
Probably the same as short fish.
#wordplay
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What do you call a shitty poem?
Pooetic
#wordplay
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What becomes shorter when you add two letters?
Short
#wordplay
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A woman came up to me and hit on me right in front of my wife.
She told me I was handsome and that I smell nice, asked me what kind of cologne I was using.
I said thank you, my wife bought it for me. It's called "leave-me-the-fa-cologne."
#wordplay
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I've discovered the secret to happiness. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs or cheat on my girlfriend. Do you know what I do instead?
I lie.
#other
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Sugar is the only word in English language in which "Su" is pronounced as "Shu".
I am pretty sure about it.
#wordplay
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Women are refusing to sleep with men now that trump got re-elected
Apparently, my wife predicted the election two years ago!
#other
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Got drunk and made a pass at my girlfriend's mom and now my girlfriend's furious.
She yelled: "Why the fuck did you just throw that football at my mom?!"
#worpdplay
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What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A Slipper
#wordplay
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My favorite sex position is the JFK
It's when I splatter all over her face as she screams and tries to get out of the car.
#sexandshit
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I always get asked why I only sing when the car is in reverse.
I always tell them that it's because I'm a backup singer.
#wordplay
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What is the worst insult you can say to a ghost?
Get a life!
#wordplay
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I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
#oldbutgold
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A woman breaks up with a man with a small penis. His friends were amazed he didn't seem hurt or phased by the breakup.
It's okay," he said. "I wasn't that into her."
#wordplay
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Programmer's handbook for seniors - The Old Man and the C.
#wordplay
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If pronouncing my b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian
then Soviet
#wordplay
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I know a surgeon who puts organs back in upside down.
I told him that’s not funny, but he said it was an inside joke.
#wordplay
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Where do bad rainbows go?
To prism ! It’s a light sentence but it gives them time to reflect!
#wordplay
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Teacher: What’s the chemical formula for water? Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: How did you get that?
Well yesterday you said it was H to O
#wordplay
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My girlfriend called and said to me in a sexy voice “You should come over, no one is home”. So I went over….
No one was home.
#other
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