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The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
I took my girlfriend to see Disney on Ice and it sucked
It was just some old dead guy in a box
#other
@Sickipedia
My Tinder bio says very honestly that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, that I drive a $500k vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel...
My dates are usually furious, though, when they discover I'm a bus driver.
#other
@Sickipedia
Did you hear about the italian who broke both of his arms?
he couldn't talk for a whole month.
#other
@Sickipedia
I like my women like I like a Boeing 737 MAX
More likely to go down on me
#sexandshit
@Sickipedia
The prostitute put on her clothes and said…
“It was a business doing pleasure with you.”
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
What do you call a stolen Tesla?
An Edison
#oldbutgold
@Sickipedia
Why was Heisenberg’s wife always sad?
Because when he had the position, he didn’t have the momentum, and when he had the momentum, he didn’t have the position.
#other
@Sickipedia
What’s the difference between a casual dinner party and a pirate orgy?
In one you come as you are in the other you ARRRR as you cum.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Last night I had to make the difficult decision on behalf of my wife to pull the plug.
Then she’s all like, “HEY! I wasn’t done with my bath!”
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
I didn't know that Sylvester Stallone is on his third marriage...
I guess his first one was rocky, and his second was rocky too.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
An American, a Frenchman and a Russian bet who has the strongest alcohol.
An American, a Brit and a Russian bet who has the strongest alcohol. First goes the Frenchman, who takes a big gulp of his red wine. The other two men place a chair in front of him and ask the man "How many chairs do you see?" The drunk Frenchman responds "I see two chairs." Next goes the American. He takes a shot of whiskey and when asked about the chairs, he responds "I see 4!" And finally, when it's the Russian's turn, he without hesitation drinks a whole bottle of vodka. "So? Tell us, how many chairs are there?!" impatiently asks the Frenchman. "In which row?"
#russians
@Sickipedia
You hear about the guy who masturbated to Jennifer Lawrence’s feet pics but he thought they were Jennifer Love Hewitt’s?
He got off on the wrong foot…
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
A man walks into a gay bar..
Awhile later, he comes out
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
The old church needed a fresh coat of paint
But money was tight in the budget, so the pastor figured he would save a few bucks by only buying about half the paint that was needed and thinning it out with turpentine to make it go farther. So he did this, and the next Saturday the entire congregation gathered to help paint the church.
They worked all day, from dawn til dusk, and when they were finished the church had a beautiful fresh coat of paint. But just as they were packing up to go home, storm clouds suddenly rolled in, and a torrential downpour began. The rain washed all of the thinned paint off the church's walls, undoing their whole day's work.
And a mighty voice boomed down from the heavens: "REPAINT... and thin no more!!"
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
I found my wife’s Tinder profile and I am furious with all of her lies
She is NOT adventurous and fun to be around
#other
@Sickipedia
At his wedding, my buddy told me that I’m the worst best man he has ever seen.
I…was speechless.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Why are balloons so expensive?
Inflation.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Why is Dwayne Johnson the only man that can turn lesbians?
Because Rock beats scissors.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
I have a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes.
My doctor says it’s terminal.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
When my wife is sad I let her color in my tattoos.
I give her a shoulder to crayon.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
The secret to making Congress more efficient is to replace all the people with horses.
Sure, every vote would end in “neighs,” but hay, at least the housing market would be stable.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
One looks up the family tree, the other looks up the family bush.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They use gas lighting
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
If a transformer adopted a human baby, what would the baby's name be?
Carson
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Sadly, my friend from Russia was divorcing his spouse. They were married in their home country long time ago.
I tried to console him by saying, “Not all Soviet Unions were meant to last!”
#wordpplay
@Sickipedia
My wife asked me how my job was going at the battery factory.
I told her it has its pluses and minuses.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
My wife told our son not to play with electricity.
Now he’s grounded.
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
What do you call a Urologist who is on social media?
A TikTok Dick Doc
#wordplay
@Sickipedia
Two lawyers walk into a restaurant, sit down at a table, order a coffee and pull out sandwiches from their suitcases. An angry waitress approaches them, exclaiming "Excuse me, you can't eat your own food here!" The lawyers look at her, then at each other and exchange the sandwiches.
#other
@Sickipedia
I started a support group for men with premature ejaculation.
Our first meeting will be yesterday.
#sexandshit
@Sickipedia