15217
The sickest, rudest, most offensive, inappropriate & politically incorrect jokes — we've got them all!
A man walked into a Men's Warehouse and an employee asked if he needed any help trying on suits. He said "No thanks."
The employee said "suit yourself."
#wordplay
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Stop looking for the perfect match
use a lighter!
#wordplay
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What do you call a woman that sets her credit card bills on fire?
Bernadette.
#wordplay
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I once lived just a stone's throw away from a family
who all died of mysterious head injuries
#other
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My girlfriend always said that the male genitalia is not attractive, so I decided to cover my balls in mascara, eyeshadow and glitter. I'm pretty sure she liked it.
As soon as she saw them she said "Wow, that's pretty nuts."
#wordplay
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Why do programmers prefer dark-mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
#wordplay
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My girlfriend just told me she’s had a Brazilian
I’m not good with numbers but that sounds like a fucking lot to me
#wordplay
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All the fraternities in my college rejected me because I was circumcised.
Apparently you need to be a complete dick to get in.
#wordplay
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What’s the most innocent way to protest against capitalism?
just type in small letters :’)
#wordplay
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I got a message in a bottle the other day
I couldn’t read it cos the bottle was on fire and hurled through my window but I got the message
#wordplay
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Doctor: "I think you should avoid eating anything fatty."
Patient: "Like what? Pizzas? Hamburgers?"
Doctor: "No, fatty. Don't eat at all."
#wordplay
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I needed a password eight characters long ...
So I chose Snow White and The Seven Dwarves.
#wordplay
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I was standing at the bar in an International Airport when this small Chinese guy comes in, stands next to me, and starts drinking a beer. I asked him, "Do you know any of those martial arts things, like Kung-Fu, Karate, or Ju-Jitsu?"
He says "No, why the fuck would you ask me that? Is it because I am Chinese?"
"No", I said, "It's because you're drinking my beer, you little fucker."
#other
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I think they should build a chapel for trans teens
They can put it right next to the cis teens' chapel.
#wordplay
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Called my wife to tell her I'd pick up Fish and Chips on my way home from work, but she hung up on me.
...she's still pissed about letting me name our kids.
#wordplay
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My wife complain that I only last for like two minutes in bed..
But it was in doggystyle, so that's like 14 minutes in dog minutes?!
#other
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What do you call a Jewish muscle t-shirt?
Muscle Top!
#wordplay
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A priest, a monk, and a rabbit walk in to a clinic to donate blood.
The rabbit says, "I think I might be a type-o."
#wordplay
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A blonde boards the plane, and proceeds to take a window seat…
A guy walks in right behind her, and says: “I’m sorry but you’re in my seat”, to which the blonde responds: “Get lost.”
The guy: “Oh yeah?! Then I hope you know how to fly the plane.”
#other
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Politics are like sex
If the only thing you know about it comes from your family, you're doing it wrong.
#sexandshit
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What's a 10 letter word that starts with g-a-s
Automobile
#wordplay
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Honestly, I don’t get why a circle is a shape
It’s not like a triangle or a square, it’s completely pointless
#wordplay
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My doctor told me that the radiation from my laptop has damaged my sperm….
Felt like letting him know how badly my sperm has damaged my laptop…
#sexandshit
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What has four legs but cannot walk?
Half a spider.
#other
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What's the opposite of assuming?
Faceuming.
#stupid
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Today I learned that Albert Einstein was an actual physicist
I always thought he was just a theoretical physicist
#oldbutgold
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This guy walks into a library and loudly asks the librarian … “hey, can I get an order of fish and chips?”
The librarian is confused and responds, “excuse me sir, this is a Library.”
The guy looks and around, leans over to the librarian and whispers very quietly. … “I’m sorry. Can I get an order of fish and chips?”
#other
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Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
#wordplay
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I'm looking forward to Musk getting into trouble for election interference and trying to cover it up.
The Saga will be called Elongate. It won't be over quickly.
#wordplay
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