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A Quote Motivates You, Inspires You, Gives You Will. But The Work Have To Be Done By You. Audiobook , E-Book,Entrepreneur Magazine - every Week You Can Do It, Keep Moving Forward.🖤
How to of the Day
How to Account For Deferred Revenue
Deferred revenue (also called unearned revenue) refers to money received by a company before it provides the related goods or services to the customer. It is shown as a liability on the balance sheet. Companies of all sizes and industries commonly enter into transactions involving deferred revenue. You can easily learn how to record deferred revenue properly with some understanding of the underlying accrual accounting concepts behind it.
#apologiesEA
5 Reasons Some People Will Never Say 'I'm Sorry'
📍Apologies vary greatly in their significance: When non-apologists bump into someone in a crowd, they might mumble a quick "I’m sorry" without giving it another thought. But the same person arguing with their spouse about directions might yell, “I’m telling you: The GPS is wrong! Take this left!” only to find out the satellite system was correct—and still adamantly refuse to apologize, perhaps calling on excuses such as, “You take the wrong exit all the time, too!” or “The GPS is wrong half the time anyway—it’s not my fault!”
Similarly, when our actions or inactions cause someone actual harm, real emotional distress, or significant inconvenience, most of us quickly offer a sincere apology, both because it is deserved and because it’s the best way to garner forgiveness and alleviate the
guilt we feel. But in these situations, too, non-apologists typically use excuses and denial to shirk their responsibility.
Why Apologies Threaten Non-Apologists?
For non-apologists, saying "I’m sorry" carries psychological ramifications that run far deeper than the words themselves imply; it elicits fundamental fears (either conscious or unconscious) they desperately want to avoid:
1. Admissions of wrongdoing are incredibly threatening for non-apologists because they have trouble separating their
actions from their character . If they did something bad, they must be bad people; if they were neglectful, they must be fundamentally selfish and uncaring; if they were wrong, they must be ignorant or stupid, etc. Therefore, apologies represent a major threat to their basic sense of identity and self-esteem.
2. Apologizing might open the door to guilt for most of us, but for non-apologists, it can instead open the door to
shame . While guilt makes us feel bad about our actions, shame makes non-apologists feel bad about their selves
—who they are —which is what makes shame a far more toxic emotion than guilt.
3. While most of us consider apologies as opportunities to resolve interpersonal conflict, non-apologists may fear their apology will only open the floodgates to further accusations and conflict. Once they admit to one wrongdoing, surely the other person will pounce on the opportunity to pile on all the previous offenses for which they refused to apologize as well.
4. Non-apologists fear that by apologizing, they would assume full responsibility and relieve the other party of any culpability. If arguing with a spouse, for example, they might fear an apology would exempt the spouse from taking any blame for a disagreement, despite the fact that each member of a couple has at least some responsibility in most arguments.
5. By refusing to apologize, non-apologists are trying to manage their emotions. They are often comfortable with
anger, irritability, and emotional distance, and experience emotional closeness and vulnerability to be extremely threatening. They fear that lowering their guard even slightly will make their psychological defenses crumble and open the floodgates to a well of sadness and despair that will pour out of them, leaving them powerless to stop it. They might be correct. However, they are incorrect in assuming that exhibiting these deep and pent-up emotions (as long as they get support, love, and caring when they do—which fortunately, is often the case) will be traumatic and damaging. Opening up in such a way is often incredibly therapeutic and empowering, and it can lead them to experience far deeper emotional closeness and trust toward the other person, significantly deepening their relationship satisfaction.
#enterprebureEA
What Does it Really Take to Be a Successful Entrepreneur?
💰So here are my musings on what it takes to become a successful entrepreneur. These thoughts are based on my experiences
coaching over 1,000 people who run a business as self-employed or part of an organization. I filter those observations through my own experiences in entrepreneurship.
Intelligence, pure horsepower.
At the risk of annoying many readers further, I believe the most important characteristic in the successful entrepreneur is an at-least moderately high IQ. Intelligence as measured by tests, rates a person's ability to think abstractly, analyze, and synthesize. Those are the crucial components of practical problem solving. And practical problem solving is what successful entrepreneurship is all about. In business, each day usually bring multiple problems to solve, many of which can't be solved by using past practices or with a Google Search. You probably haven't taken an intelligence test but tests such as the SAT, GRE, etc. are highly correlated proxies.
Money-motivation.
In public, most successful entrepreneurs claim their primary driver is to make a difference but privately, I've seen that most of them are motivated by the making of money, if not for what it will buy, for proving that they've "won" in the way society keeps score.
Impure ethics.
I wish unwavering ethics were required. Alas, Ive found that people who are smart enough to cover their ethical misbehavior are more likely to succeed financially than are the scrupulously ethical. Of course, success should be defined more broadly: benefit to employees, customers, and society,
The nose for buying low and selling high.
I've been shocked at how many would-be entrepreneurs, even those with an MBA, have a terrible sense of what it takes to buy low and sell high--the core to profit-making. Successful entrepreneurs seem to know intuitively how to get good deals on what they buy and a high price for what they sell. without being stupid about it. Someone who takes an hour to save $20 on an item isn't using their time well. Entrepreneurs also risk failure if they so believe in their product that they set the price much higher than the competition.
Easily getting yeses.
Business owners need a lot of yeses: people willing to work for you for stock and little or no cash, vendors willing to sell to you on credit, and customers willing to buy your product at a price that gives you a good profit margin. Some people,have an ineffable ability to get people to say yes, without any sales techniques, let alone pushiness. Look back at your track record, not just professionally but personally. Do people tend to agree with you, to say to your requests?
Resilience.
No matter how well-run, most businesses suffer setbacks. Successful entrepreneurs respond by checking for lessons to be learned and then proceed onward with renewed ardor. Yet they're objective enough to know when a wiser use of further time and money is to replace their business with one of greater potential.
Time-conscious.
Time is money and the business owner who plays brinksmanship will waste money as well as produce bad results because s/he had to scramble to get tasks done. In running a business as in life, procrastinators have a big strike against them.
The Idea and the plan.
Of course, even with all those
personality characteristics, the business idea and plan for execution must be sound. It needn't be an innovation. Indeed, the leading edge too often turns out to be the bleeding edge and guinea pigs often die. Unless you have the deep pockets that can afford some failures, it's wise to replicate rather than innovate.
The takeaway
So, dear reader, if you or someone you care about is a would-be or practicing business owner, does this article offer any insight into whether to sally forth as-is, improve, or get employed by someone else?
#Dailymotivation
Enabled by freedom
📍"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
--"
Freedom gives us the opportunity to succeed, and also to fail. Freedom allows us to make our own way in life, and insists that we accept responsibility for doing so.
Freedom and responsibility simply cannot exist apart from each other. You can remain free only by being fully responsible for your life, your actions, and your role in a free society.
Though millions have died for it, and most would choose freedom over any alternative, freedom can at times be frightening. It often imposes difficult decisions, and requires valiant effort to maintain.
Though freedom is the best course, it is seldom the easiest. Yet freedom is worth the effort, for it is a human catalyst that has no equal.
The best way to celebrate freedom is to use it wisely. The best way to protect freedom is to make sure as many people as possible benefit from it.
Freedom enables you to do great things. Today, and every day, take freedom up on the offer.
How to of the Day - How to Get Rid of Brown Spots Using Home Remedies
Brown spots, commonly known as age or liver spots, are actually called solar lentigines. They are harmless spots that occur most often on people over 50, people with light skin, and people who get a lot of exposure to ultraviolet (UV) radiation from the sun or tanning beds. Brown spots are brown because they contain melanin, a pigment that is found in the top layers of your skin, which can "clump" and produce spots. Fortunately, a few home remedies may help reduce the appearance of these spots.
How to of the Day - How to Write an Educational Objective
An educational objective is an important tool for teaching. It allows you to articulate your expectations for your students, which can inform you as you write lesson plans, test, quizzes, and assignment sheets. There is a specific formula that goes into writing educational objectives. Learning to master that formula can help you write excellent educational objectives for you and your students.
#lifestyleEA
🛡We have been taught to believe in two things: (1) You will one day meet that great “one” who will bring fulfillment into your life; and (2) “the one” is a myth and you need to stop searching for it.
Eventually we fall into one of those two categories.
We either believe in a soul mate and profound love, or we give up and settle for whatever comes our way mostly out of the fear of being alone. What are the chances that you will meet the mate of your dreams with all the qualities you have dreamed up since adolescence? Well you can definitely hold on to the belief that there is someone you can love and will forever love you back.
HERE ARE 5 SIGNS THAT “THE ONE” IS STILL OUT THERE:
1. SYNCHRONICITY APPEARS OFTEN.
There are times that meeting someone is just a step up to then meeting the next person. Don’t allow a sign to go unnoticed. Imagine this: You meet a man on a plane from Australia on the way home from a business trip. He goes back home while you stay in the United States. You keep in touch. You meet another woman from Australia. She introduces you to another person who is in the same type of business as you. Before you know it, you are guided to visit the Land Down Under. You get there and you meet the one. Had you not entertained all those signs to get to Australia you might had never met this person. Signs come in many forms. The One might just be down the road from you and until you follow the signs to meet you will continue to travel apart. Let your heart guide you.
2. YOU AREN’T PAIRING UP WITH ANYONE.
Some of us go through an array of disastrous dates before the one shows up and it’s usually not on a planned event. It could be as simple as the grocery store. You may have spent countless hours, and years, with online dating and one day the right woman shows up at the deli counter. You might have even given up and fallen into the second part of our belief system that a soul mate is a myth. But, it is exactly then that your “one” shows up to love you. Love has no expiration date. You might have to endure all those others just to get to this one person. This is the place most people feel exhausted and just settle for Mr./Mrs. Right Now rather than wait for Mr./Mrs. Right Forever.
3. EACH NEW RELATIONSHIP TEACHES AND HEALS YOU FROM THE PAST.
You can’t appreciate kindness and true love unless you’ve had some deep heartaches from past relationships. How can you know what you want until you pass those lessons? There is a reason you experience all those relationships. They catapult you into figuring out exactly what you want out of a loving union. You cannot cherish light until you have been in darkness. It’s duality.
4. YOU FEEL AS IF SOMETHING IS MISSING IN YOUR LIFE.
You might not be looking for the “one,” but there is a feeling of loss that is not clear. You have tried to fulfill your life with work, hobbies, travel, and other relationships. You might have been married and now divorced with children. You still feel this ache as if something has gone missing. That is “the one” searching for you. The moment you allow for this awareness the universe starts to align with your desires. Let go of old programmings and begin to envision your future partner.
5. YOU HAVE LEARNED TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST.
The moment you start to love yourself unconditionally, as you would another, the universe conspires to bring you the one who will love you the same way. You cannot possibly love another if you don’t know how to nurture and cherish yourself. Being alone is important. If you are going from one relationship to another without being alone, there is no way you would appreciate that one special someone to enter your life.
#Dailymotivation
When the truth hurts
💫"Dreams never hurt anybody if he keeps working right behind the dream to make as much of it come real as he can."
When the truth hurts, that’s when you better pay attention. In each painful truth is opportunity for new strength.
Those who agree when they know you are wrong are doing you no favor. Listen instead to those who care enough to tell the truth even when you don’t want to hear it.
If you run from the truth it will soon overwhelm you. If you fight against the truth, you will lose.
Choose instead to face the truth. Learn from it, do what you must to align yourself with it, and grow stronger.
When it hurts to hear the truth, be thankful. Because you’ve been given the opportunity to avoid much more pain later on.
Get yourself on the side of truth, whatever it may be. The more the truth hurts, the more it can help you.
#inspirationEA
6 THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL GOOD ENOUGH
⛹Some days turn out better than others – that’s a fact. But ultimately, the way we feel about our life and ourselves has the biggest impact on the outcome of each day. Happiness and confidence can create outcomes that exceed our expectations, like a continual ray of sunshine even on a cloudy day.
1. REMEMBER YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE RIGHT NOW.
It may not seem like it, but the entire Universe has orchestrated itself to create your life where it is right now. It may not be where you want to be right now, but sometimes you have to go through a bit of bramble to get to the clover field.
So when you feel like you’ve failed or that you’ll never reach your goals, remind yourself that the Universe didn’t say no, it just said not yet. Continually remind yourself that you are in the perfect place right now, and continue moving forward in faith.
2. REMEMBER TO BE KIND AND GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. YOU’RE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN.
“ Be gentle with yourself.
You don’t have to beat yourself up over not “getting there” fast enough, or as fast as the people you wish to be like. As long as you can come away at the end of the day knowing you gave it your all, that’s all anyone can truly do. Your light is shining, no matter how small the flame. Even if your flame is the smallest in the world, it will still cut through the darkest night.
You could even think of a flower garden. Each flower blooms at it’s own pace and shows it’s unique beauty as it does so. Continue reaching for the light, allowing yourself to be nurtured. Much like the flower, your life will come into bloom as well.
3. YOU CAN’T ALWAYS CHANGE THINGS, BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS.
The present moment was created as a collective manifestation of your past thoughts, words and actions. Sometimes, this can be so tough that you may feel like you’re not good enough to get through it, and if you’re reflecting on the reality that you’ve created, it may even make you feel like you’re not good enough to handle your co-creative ability.
The bottom line is that times can get tough – but there’s nothing wrong with believing you’re tougher. Because when you believe you ARE good enough to create the life you desire, and you believe that YOU ARE good enough to make it through any situation. When this happens, the way you look at things suddenly change, and before you know it, your reality positively changes with it.
4. POSITIVE THINKING IS YOUR BIRTH RIGHT.
No matter what situation you are in, positive thinking can and will always come to your rescue if you allow it. The power of positivity is a gift to us from divine energy. Divine energy is nothing BUT positive energy.
If you want things to turn around for your highest good you must keep your faith, release fear, and keep your focus on solutions. Positive thinking is your birthright. It can always improve any situation, no matter how dire it may appear.
5. THERE IS MORE RIGHT WITH YOU THAN WRONG WITH YOU.
Even during your struggles, don’t forget to focus on your strengths. Too often our culture looks at each other’s “weaknesses” and wants to put focus on improving them. While having a balanced mind, body and soul is important some of our weaknesses exist to balance some of our greatest strengths.
When we switch our focus to what is right about ourselves, we could probably write down a long list. In fact, if you need to do that exercise, do it! Focus on your strengths and what you do well. In the areas that you could improve, be reasonable with yourself and if it’s an area you truly believe you need to improve create action steps to do so. Either way, there IS more right with you than wrong with you.
6. THERE’S ALWAYS A SOLUTION, KEEP LOOKING!
Sometimes you might feel like you’ve reached the end of the road. Lucky for you, there’s always a small dirt path called faith that you can continue to follow when times get tough.
rs revealed that your beliefs about personality—whether you believe it’s fixed and immutable or malleable and subject to change—are key to navigating these periods of stress. This isn’t really counterintuitive at all: The more you believe that personality, behavior, and character are malleable, the better you’ll be at negotiating times that require change. You’ll be willing to learn and try, exert effort, address failure, and increase
understanding. People who believe that personality is fixed won’t make much effort or put much faith in change and that, in and of itself, can be a deal-breaker.
4. Talk about your models of partnership.
Marriage is a partnership but that partnership can take many different forms, depending on the emotional needs of the people in it. The important thing is to articulate and define how you and your soon-to-be spouse see it: Will it be drawn along traditional lines, with one partner focused on finances and the other on running the day-to-day household needs even if you’re both working, or are you looking for a more egalitarian relationship? How will you balance your or your partner’s need for autonomy while maintaining a mutual intimacy? Some people marry and make few shifts from their former single lives—they still socialize with their own friends and keep their money separate from their spouses—and are content to live on parallel tracks that sometimes interconnect. Others really want to function as a couple pretty much 24/7, melding interests, friends, and assets into a single, shared pool. Being clear about your own needs—your desires for intimacy, for autonomy, for support—must precede the talk.
Even though dependence on a spouse has gotten a bad rep—it’s become synonymous with the 1950s wage earner with wifey in the kitchen—being circling but independent planets may not be the best answer either. There’s the dependency paradox to consider: Contrary to popular lore, knowing you can depend on someone actually makes you more independent, more willing to take risks, be more resilient if initial efforts fail, and more game to explore opportunities as research by Brooke Feeney showed. Keep that in mind.
5. Talk about your childhood experiences.
I’m not talking about your summers in Maine or your years playing Little League or even Spotty, the spaniel you owned as a kid because the chances are that your soon-to-be spouse has heard some of those stories or at least seen flattering pix and videos. I’m talking about the more difficult stuff, especially if your childhood was less than perfect. People tend to shy away from these discussions for lots of reasons but they are an important part of understanding why your partner is the way he or she is. If you’ve noticed that your readings of people’s reactions or emotional situations are different, the answer may lie in your different
attachment styles which are a function of childhood.
6.Talk about raising children.
No, not just about what adorable kids the two of you might make together someday but a real discussion about raising them. Alas, because we think about marriage in terms of romance, we often don’t really focus on what kind of a mother or father the partner we’ve chosen for ourselves—the one who thrills us—might make. But I also don’t think I need to remind anyone that disagreements about raising kids are a leading cause of divorce. This talk should follow the discussion about childhood ideally: Are you likely to replicate how you were raised in terms of discipline, expectation, and treatment, or are you in full rebellion? Exploring whether you think a hippy-dippy laissez-faire approach is one you might favor, whether you’ll be the kind of parent who’s going to read up and decide what’s best for the child, or whether you want to try to co-parent as best as you can and throw traditional roles to the wind is part of the territory. And if you have very different visions of how to raise a child, that's worth paying attention to
There’s no way of totally “divorce-proofing” a marriage but an enhanced ability to communicate thoughts and feelings
#marriageEA
💡 Its a long post (propably one of the longest post but RECOMMENDABLE) try and read to the end and you should have a reason for living)
6 Talks You Should Have Before You Get Married
Tackling the hard stuff ahead of time may save your marriage
Unless your Facebook feed is very different from mine, it cannot have escaped your attention that wedding—and engagement—season is in full swing. Looking at the posts—of beaming brides in white gowns, of couples hand in hand, of proud parents, and cheering onlookers—I wonder how many of these people will stay together for the long haul and whether they’ve talked about what needs to be talked about, according to scientific research at least.
Ironically, before romantic love became the basis for marriage—a game-changer historian Stephanie Coontz dates to the 1700s—marriage was always based in talk since it was a contractual binding of individuals, property, and families. The truth, though, is that marriage is still a contract as anyone who has ever gone through a divorce knows.
Our focus on romantic love as the basis for marriage has a definite downside, though it makes for a pretty picture at the beginning at least. What’s not to like about the guy who hired the skywriter to propose or nestled the ring atop a teeny cupcake? Who doesn’t love those stories of friends who hung out for years and then, out of the blue, realized that love was in the air? Many of the talks we need to have with future life partners are avoided precisely because they tend to be very unromantic and often tender subjects that can reveal the chinks in the relationship romantic love has us look away from. Even though the failure rate of wedded bliss—40% or so—is well- known, each of us is sure it doesn’t apply to us because our love is real and solid.
Marriage is complicated because people are complicated. There’s the truth. Each of us brings into marriage a boatload of usually unarticulated thoughts about what it means to be married—based on what we’ve seen, heard, or experienced or, alternatively, formulated in contrast to our parents’ example—and those
unconscious thoughts will influence our behavior and reactions. Marriage has its own set of myths, including one that says that whatever is wrong with your relationship now will be fixed by the commitment marriage represents.
Research, though, offers up some answers to the complexity. For example, for decades, people have touted living together first as a good trial run to see how marriage might go; I will readily admit that I too believed that even though that was not the case in my own starter marriage. Well, it turns out that living together is a lousy idea because, as the work of Scott Stanley and others showed, people tend to “slide” into marriage as a logical next step rather than consciously deliberating. It will surprise no one that these marriages are more likely to be stressed, haven’t developed the kind of cooperative problem-solving that a long-term marriage requires, and have a higher rate of failure.
So here, based in research on both marriage and divorce, are my recommendations for the six talks everyone should have before they tie the knot. I figure I have some personal authority in knowing what doesn’t work having been married more than once.
1.Talk about money.
Of course, money is the one thing no one wants to talk about because it’s so crass, unromantic. and maybe even shallow. Most of us are brought up, moreover, in families that tell us that finances are personal and never to be shared. That said, research shows that disagreement over finances is the number one cause of divorce, trumping infidelity. Money is both real and symbolic at once and that may actually not figure into your purview when you’re engaged to someone and each of you is making money with a separate checking account. You might have noticed that your prospective partner has a different attitude toward money than you do—he might be more cautious or spendthrift than you are, she might seem a bit careless and more in debt than you think is healthy—but that onl
#Sextalk
The Orgasm Talk
📍An important talk to have when your clothes are on instead of off
One talk couples almost never have is the orgasm talk, which is an honest discussion about orgasms rather than just “Did you come?”
The lack of conversation makes good sense. We live in a culture that’s so at war with its sexuality that it’s spent almost as much money on abstinence-based sex education as it does on porn. The
love we make is sometimes a frantic attempt to get into each other’s pants while avoiding deeper meanings and possibilities.
As for orgasms, male orgasms are usually a given during intercourse. Women’s orgasms aren’t as predictable as men’s. Women who are masturbating will usually have orgasms in the same amount of time as men do, but things can be different when you throw a partner into the mix.
Also, men’s orgasms announce themselves with a fluid and sticky fanfare. Not so for women’s orgasms. Men are often at the mercy of women to inform them if they did or didn’t have an orgasm. It’s the elusive nature of women’s orgasms during partner sex that elevates the female orgasm to the realm of the lovemaking holy grail. Adding further to the mystery for men is how women do not always associate satisfaction during sex with having an orgasm. The mere idea of sex being satisfying without an orgasm is a foreign concept for most men.
If the only reason a woman wants sex is for an orgasm, she’d be ahead of the curve if she sent her partner off to play video games with his friends and took matters into her own hands.
Hopefully you are starting to see how helpful it can be for partners to discuss orgasms and what they do and don’t consider to be a satisfying sexual experience.
Porn gives the idea that men magically know how to please women, when in real life, men need and often want guidance from a partner. This means that a woman’s ability to show her partner how to stimulate her physically is often the key to his being able to provide her with the kind of physical stimulation she needs.
As for being in the right mental space, it is unlikely a woman will magically forget everything that has or hasn’t gone on between her and her partner during the past week just because they are about to have sex. It’s unlikely that feelings of anger, frustration or disappointment will evaporate the second he pulls out his penis. Helping to create the right mental space is just as much his job as it is hers.
Is a woman’s orgasm the goal of making love, or are other things more important?
It could be that a lover’s ability to make a woman feel sexy and desired is more important. Maybe it’s his ability to be playful and to make sex fun. Or what about acting out fantasy scenarios or being a little kinky if that’s what turns her on? Perhaps a woman wants her partner to be more “take charge” in bed. Some of these qualities might rate higher than having an orgasm. And when these qualities are in place, the chances are greater that a woman will have an orgasm or will at least feel sexually satisfied.
#relationshipEA
How Vilifying Or Idealizing Your Ex Keeps You Stuck
💔A way out of this obsessive spiral…
One way we avoid having to deal with the difficult and painful emotions that accompany the loss of a romantic relationship is through obsessing about our previous partner. This usually takes one of two forms—vilifying or idealizing.
When we vilify an ex, we mentally replay everything negative they ever did to us. We hyper-focus on their flaws, make interpretations about their motives, their mental health, think of them as warped and perhaps even immoral or psychopathic. This is upsetting, but vilifying an ex momentarily provides relief from the heartache that comes with loss. It also takes the focus away from what our role may have been in the demise of the union.
Alternatively, when we idealize an ex, we mentally replay every positive interaction building the ex up to be something that perhaps they never were—perfect. We imagine ourselves as worthless, unless we can be with this perfect deity. This too is painful because each time the ex is put in the golden light, we cast a dark shadow on ourselves. Idealizing, just like the act of vilifying, distracts us from the grief and from the need to accept the loss as real. Idealizing an ex gives the mind a softer focus in a world that otherwise seems to promise nothing going forward but pain and misery.
If while you manage your break up or divorce you notice yourself drifting into either of these two potential obsessions consider that vilifying and idealizing actually prolong the grief process. Develop awareness for each time you are vilifying or idealizing your ex and redirect your attention to your own feelings about the loss. Remind yourself that vilifying or idealizing are distraction techniques that will keep you mired in regrets.
If you are going to extremes about the character of your ex, consider doing a relationship autopsy where you take a calculated, rational look at the facts of the relationship—your role and your ex’s role.
The goal of the autopsy is to think about your relationship, but in a constructive and realistic manner. After all it’s natural to at first obsess as your brain comes to terms with a new reality. The obsessing is the first stage in the brain’s massive reboot as it eventually accepts the loss as real.
When you obsess, write down the facts of your role and your ex’s, the good, the bad and the ugly. Write the story of what really happened so that you can healthfully grieve and eventually move on .
Without this step, of taking a cold, hard look at the reality of your relationship (not an overly positive or negative perspective) and experiencing the feelings this engenders, you will remain stuck in unproductive thinking about your partner. Examining the facts eventually liberates.
There is always a backstory to a relationship ending, and it usually tells a little about how both parties have some responsibility in what transpired. Write your relationship story. Then let yourself feel it. This will help you let go.
7 reasons why happiness is eluding you
📍It seems like happiness is just beyond your grasp, no matter how hard you try to feel good. It may feel like a lot of people have this "happiness" thing down, and you are one step outside that circle. Here are reasons why happiness may be eluding you, and how you can fix it.
1. You are too hard on yourself.
You may be expecting perfection from yourself, and when you don't reach it, you get upset with yourself. No one is perfect. Aim for good enough. Very few things in life really require that you do them perfectly. And if you do something perfectly, you are still an imperfect person. The imperfections are what make life interesting and fun. Imperfections give you good stories to talk about later. Remember, you always have the right to do less than what is humanly possible.
2. You forget you have a choice.
You may be feeling stuck in your life - you're having the same issues at work, hearing the same complaints from your kids, having the same money issues every month. First try to change something about your circumstances. If you can't change your circumstances, you can change how you feel about them. When you change just one thing in your life, your whole world can change. Sometimes we have difficulties making changes in our lives because it means taking risks and experiencing loss. However, when we don't make changes, we forget we have choices.
3. You're aiming for happiness instead of contentment or meaning.
People who find happiness usually describe it as being content or finding meaning in their lives. Being "happy" can be overrated - change your definition of it. Happiness may not mean smiling and feeling "up" every day. Happiness can mean that you give back to others in your community; you have close relationships with others; or you work for a cause you believe in.
4. You rely on others for your happiness.
Life is like a cake. If you have holes in your cake and try to fill those holes with people's approval and love, you will never have a whole cake. However, if you work on having a whole cake on your own, other people become the icing on the cake. How do you work on having a whole cake? Self-reflection, therapy, and
meditation are just some of the ways you can work on feeling whole.
5. You have too much stuff.
Studies have found that clutter is associated with increase rates of
depression and anxiety, particularly in women. Read more about clutter's relationship to depression and anxiety here. If you have constant visual clutter, it just brings you down. Get tough with yourself about whether you really use the items in your home. Have a trusted friend or family member help you go through your closet, garage, and other areas where clutter has accumulated. The Law of Usage states if you neglect using an item, it tends to run down and break. Give it to someone else who can use it.
6. You are envious of others.
Steve Furtick said, "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel." What you see on social media are people's highest points. You don't see the day-to-day struggles everyone faces. Everyone has challenges. It's how you perceive your challenges that makes the difference.
7. You focus on the negative.
Your beliefs about what happens to you greatly influence your consequences. This ties into number 2 above, "You forget you have a choice". You always have a choice on what you are going to focus on. If you step in a puddle on the way to work, you can either curse the storm cloud and think you are incredibly unlucky, or you can say "these things happen" and go about your day. Which choice do you think makes you feel better? The next time you have a negative thought, visualize a stop sign popping up. Now change that negative thought to a positive. The more you practice this technique, the more your brain will automatically think positive thoughts.
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Relationships News -- ScienceDaily
Children growing up in solo mother families are well adjusted and developing well
The number of children born to single women is increasing, partly as a result of social and legislative changes (in most jurisdictions) in the rights to parenthood. While technology has been readily able to meet this rising demand through donor insemination and even IVF, little is known about how children think, feel and fare growing up in the families formed by single women.
How to of the Day - How to Turn Your Life Around After Depression
Depression can really change the way you look at life. You may have lost relationships, jobs, direction, hobbies, your health, dreams and goals, and your self-confidence. After a depressive episode you can get your life back by: setting attainable goals, increasing your positive social relationships, maintaining your physical health, and coping in healthy ways.
How to of the Day - How to Check if a Company Is Genuine
Scams are an unfortunate aspect of the world we live in. Though it is now easy to make purchases with one click of a mouse, there is also an increased risk that your personal information can be exploited by unscrupulous businesses. A company may seem genuine, but in reality it could turn out to be a scam. Luckily, there are a few things that can throw up a red flag, and help prevent you from providing sensitive, personal information to undeserving scam artists.
How to of the Day - How to Care for Bearded Dragons
Bearded dragons, or "beardies", tend to be good-natured companions, whose natural curiosity and apparent enjoyment of human company make them a popular pet. They are native to parts of Australia and are now widely available in pet stores and from breeders. Before getting a bearded dragon, take some time to inform yourself about their particular environmental and nutritional needs, as these require special attention (this is why they are not recommended as children's pets). With the right information, you can prepare for your dragon's arrival and help keep your new friend healthy and happy.
#lifestyleEA
Why Your Friends May Know You Better Than You Know Yourself
🎗... and why it's as much about what you miss as what they spot.
Does it ever seem like your close friends know you and understand your behavior patterns better than you do yourself? Three key factors related to social perception that may account for this phenomenon:
1. Self-Deception and Self-Protective Biases.
We are quite protective of our image of ourselves. We like to believe that we are good, smart, and kind, and that we possess a host of other positive qualities. We use self-protective biases to help guard our often-fragile egos, and maintain a positive view of ourselves. Our close friends, on the other hand, aren’t as invested in our image, so they can call things as they see them. This doesn’t mean that friends aren’t also biased about us—but we have more invested in protecting our image than they do.
2. Perspective.
Have you ever had a close friend predict what you were going to do, when you thought you were being spontaneous? Our close friends see us in a variety of situations and are keen observers of our behavior, while we see only what is in front of us. That means that friends are able to see patterns of behavior we may be unaware of. For example, a friend can observe our facial expression or the wide personal space that we maintain when interacting with a certain individual, and then point out our apparent dislike of the individual. Unaware of our own behavior, we might not fully realize our negative feelings toward the other person until our friend mentions it.
3. Actor-Observer Bias.
This fundamental bias in perception builds on the idea of perspective: When we try to explain why we do things (when we are the “actor”), we tend to over-ascribe cause to situational factors. For example, when we fail at something, we tend toward situational explanations (e.g., “the sun was in my eyes,” “it was peer pressure,” etc.). Those watching us, however, are biased toward making dispositional attributions for our actions (“she is awkward,” “he is immoral”). As a result, we tend to blame the
situation , while others blame us. Because our friends are prone to making dispositional biases ("there you go again!”) it may seem that they know us very well indeed.
So how can we get to know ourselves better?
First, we have to be honest with ourselves: Own up to our mistakes. Review and critique our own behavior. Second, we must realize that the situation and our psychological makeup are responsible for our actions and outcomes. Finally, we must acknowledge that our friends also have a biased perspective.
How to of the Day - How to Use Home Remedies for Decreasing Stomach Acid
Stomach acids are necessary for the digestion of food. However, if too much acid develops in the stomach, it can cause acid reflux (heartburn) or a disease called gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). You may experience uncomfortable or even painful symptoms, including gas and bloating, a burning feeling in your stomach or the back of your throat, dry cough, wheezing, and chest pain. Most people suffer from these symptoms from time to time, usually after eating certain foods, eating too quickly without chewing food well, or lying down too soon after eating. Obesity, pregnancy, and other medical conditions can also lead to increased stomach acid.
How to of the Day - How to Treat Crepitus in the Knee
Our knees are composed of three bones — the femur, tibia, and patella, or knee cap. In between are structures made of a softer substance called cartilage, which act as cushions. In the case of certain diseases such as osteoarthritis, the protective cartilage deteriorates and is thought to cause the bones to grind against each other producing a crackling or popping sound called crepitus, which can be accompanied by pain. Here are some strategies to prevent and treat this painful condition.
#EmotionalFitnessEA
10 Ways to Avoid Emotional Fireworks
🖇When someone gets their knickers in a twist and blows up, how do you handle it? If your current way of dealing with emotional fireworks isn’t working, here are ten tips to help you the next time one happens.
1⃣Start by staying calm. Keep yourself from getting sucked into the emotional vortex. Asking yourself, “What is the best thing to do right now?” can help you gain some perspective and keep your own emotions in check.
2⃣Try to understand what’s going on for the other person. When you understand, you are more equipped to respond in an empathetic manner. When people feel that someone really knows what they are going through, it helps them; they don’t feel so alone and scared.
3⃣Let the other person vent. If someone has a whole bunch of hurt, pain, or anger he or she needs to release, it has to come out, and that can be a difficult thing to experience. Let the other person get out their negative feelings, but don’t become a punching bag.
4⃣Look for something positive. There is another side to every upset, but finding it can be a challenge. Taking a few minutes to encourage the person to focus on what is and isn’t working can be very helpful and will discharge a bunch of discomfort.
5⃣Be open to suggestions. When feelings get heated, it can be helpful if another person (family member or friend) gives his or her input. Sometimes a fresh set of ears can hear things others can’t.
6⃣Create a plan. Having some options you have thought about in advance can be incredibly helpful when strong emotions are flying around the room. For example, you can choose to take a time-out or just remain silent. You can also choose to give the other person some direction.
7⃣Don’t fake sincerity. If you really don’t care, or don’t have a good answer, don’t pretend that you do, because it will only cause more upset. The best thing to do is to be honest and say that you are just not the right person to help at this time, and perhaps suggest that the other person talk with a professional.
8⃣Accept that you might not be able to do anything. Sometimes people just need to feel their hurt for a little while. Allowing them to experience their feelings, along with your emotional support, may be all you need to do.
9⃣Remember that silence can be helpful. Many people are uncomfortable in silence, but it generally doesn’t last very long, and a thoughtful minute or two can help heal or give you perspective on an emotional trauma.
🔟Don’t make the other person feel wrong. We all have emotional moments; they are human and a big part of life. No one is wrong for having feelings.
Emotions are powerful things, and learning how to keep them from going nuclear is a talent that will serve you and your loved ones well.
is as close as you can get. Having real talks about real issues before you ride off into the sunset can only help put the two of you on the road you need to be on.
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y becomes a joint issue after you’re married. Talking about money includes a discussion of who’ll make the money and how decisions regarding spending are made, exploring attitudes toward debt and saving, and what you’d do if your situation changed (one of you loses her or his job or decides to retool and go back to school, or if someone will stay home with a child.) Making sure that you are capable of agreeing on financial
goals is important too.
Talking is important because arguments about money, researcher Jeffrey Dew and his colleagues discovered, aren’t always just about money; they may be reflections of how each partner feels about power, commitment, respect, and fairness in the relationship. Their research suggests that sometimes arguing about money is easier than tackling the deep-seated conflicts and disappointments that are at the heart of a failing marriage. Financial conflicts aren’t just the greatest driver of divorce but they are more frequent and last longer than other kinds of marital conflict.
2.Talk about how you argue.
It’s not whether you argue but how you argue that matters, and there’s a whole body of research that confirms just that. Being conscious and aware of the patterns in your arguments is terrifically important, as experts such as John Gottman make clear. You need to pay attention if one of the really toxic patterns is present such as
Demand/Withdraw. This pattern—which has its own acronym DM/W—describes the scenario in which one person makes a demand and the other person withdraws, both literally and emotionally. In most cases, it’s the woman who’s in the demand position but not always; it can also be a function of an imbalance of power in the relationship. For example, if one person makes most or all of the money and considers that entitles him or her to make all the decisions, the person making the demand for change is likely to be the person with less power. Similarly, the person who desires change—whether that’s in structure of the relationship, the allocation of responsibilities or anything else—will likely find him or herself in the demand situation.
The problem with the pattern is that it has escalation built into it. As person A making the demand becomes more and more frustrated by person B’s withdrawal, it’s likely that the he or she will amp up the volume; that, in turn, only makes person B even more inclined to withdraw and perhaps become aggressive or mocking. (“That same old tattoo? Can’t you ever talk about anything else?”) And both parties feel aggrieved.
John Gottman also delineates what he calls the “Four Horseman of the Apocalypse” or behaviors that are bound to bring your marriage down. You and your partner should know about these, be vigilant should they appear, and be prepared to fix them. They are:
criticism or attacking someone on the basis of their personality or character, rather than a specific behavior; contempt or consciously intending to abuse or insult your partner; defensiveness which can include refusal to take responsibility, withdrawal, or talking over the person or repeating yourself; and stonewalling which is a component of demand/withdraw.
If your arguments fall into these patterns or are starting to, do not count on your saying vows on a green lawn to fix things. You have to fix them together, consciously.
Because humans are hardwired to be more reactive to bad events and exchanges than good ones (think evolution and a leg up on survival), Gottman’s ration of 5:1—it takes five good exchanges to outweigh a bad one—is echoed in other research. Tuck the number away for the future if you want your marriage to last.
3.Talk about how you understand personality.
This one is much less obvious than the other ones but I think it really packs a wallop. Every marriage will go through periods of
stress and, yes, periods when one person’s needs or goals change or one person wants to grow in ways that the other doesn’t. Or it may simply be that one partner isn’t happy with the status quo of the relationship and wants things to change. The work of Carol Dweck and othe
#Dailymotivation
Positive influence
⛹It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes life worth living.
The actions you take do not stop with you. They travel far beyond you, to people and places you may never know about.
Any time you create new value, that value does not merely benefit you. It takes on a life of its own, setting the stage for more positive value throughout the world.
Some positive action you took in the past has made someone’s life better today. The world just became a better place because you made the choice to do the right thing, weeks, months or even years ago.
Once you take action it begins to have an influence, and you cannot control how far that influence extends. What you can do is to make your action a meaningful and beneficial one.
Each time you act, you have one chance to make sure your action has a positive influence as its consequences spread throughout life. Put the best of yourself into your actions, so they filter through the world in a beneficial way.
The consequences of your actions go far beyond you. Put goodness, truth and integrity into all you do, and you’ll lift up life in more ways than you’ll ever know.
💡 and oh! Thanks goes to KARTHIC for the new Chanell logo you see.😜it's simple yet beautiful. Cheers 🍻!
4 signs your partner is a perfect match
👌Your partner feels so right to you, and you are definitely getting soul mate vibes from them, but how can you be sure that this is your perfect match? Whether or not you believe in the idea of a one and only love in the world who is just right for you, knowing the signs will help you pin down your perfect match before he or she gets away.
Nobody’s perfect, but can you be perfect in a relationship with a partner who is your perfect compliment? Maybe you aren’t a patient person, but your partner is willing to wait in line for you when you can’t handle it. Or maybe you hate to clean but your partner enjoys it. An odd couple can be a perfect match when they help support each other’s weaknesses and they also bring plenty of strengths to the relationship.
In this article, we will look at some of the signs an ideal partnership so you will recognize it when you see it, and make a move before they have a chance to get away.
1. YOUR PARTNER (AND HOPEFULLY YOU) HAVE A POSITIVE OUTLOOK
A positive, rather than a negative attitude would certainly make your future together with your partner a brighter one. When you see yourself in your golden years, you don’t want to be surrounded by negativity, at least not alone. Ideally, your perfect match would bring a positive mood to your life anytime you are around them.
Researchers in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology conducted a study to ‘understand how dating couples can maintain feelings of relationship satisfaction in their daily lives and over the course of time.’ Researchers found that couples were most likely to be happier when both of them had a life-seeking attitude that embraced every challenge with positive energy.
Ideally, both partners would share this attitude, but happiness is still achievable if at least one of you is cheerful enough to pull the other one along. In contrast, if your partner looks at life as a series of events that are focused on avoiding bad things rather than seeking the good, your chances of a perfect match for happiness are decreased.
2. YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A GOOD FRIEND TO YOUR PARTNER
In another research study , feelings of emotional security and companionship predicted happiness for couples over long-term relationships. The study found that happiness was ever more likely when the participants knew themselves well and had a firm sense of identity.
Companionship is particularly important later in life, when sexual activity decreases as we age. You and your partner need to be able to support, entertain, and bring joy to each other’s lives so that you can enjoy your relationship many years from now.
Think about your best friend who is not your partner. Think about the specific qualities that you love about your friend’s personality and the ways in which they show their trust and friendship. If your partner does these same things for you now, it’s a good sign that your partner is a perfect match.
3. YOU ARE TRULY YOUR BEST SELF WHEN YOU ARE WITH YOUR PARTNER
An ideal match for you would be someone who helps you to be your best self by encouraging your growth and development within the framework of a committed relationship. In this way, you feel securely emotionally protected and you can spread your wings and be amazing.
Think about when you feel truly your best self and think about how you can feel that way more often. Are you with your partner when you feel this way or are you with other people or alone?
4. YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY JUST DOING NOTHING TOGETHER
A comfortably matched couple is a couple who are happy just to be together with nothing to do. They can have a great conversation with no music, TV, or WiFi to disturb the wonderful feeling that they get by being in each other’s presence.
Relaxing in a park or going for a walk are fun activities when your partner is a perfect match. They know how to stimulate your mind, your emotions, and they connect to you spiritually as well as physically.
#TheMindfulSelfExpressEA
Five Proven Ways to Have Better Self-Control
Change your situation or change yourself
You want to say no to second helpings of ice cream or that extra
alcoholic drink, to be more productive and organized and to exercise more. You want to watch less television and reduce your screen time or to save more and spend less money. So why don’t you just do it? It’s not that easy. Self-control and changing old habits is a struggle for many of us. People in many different countries and of different ages rate themselves as lower in self-control than in other positive qualities like kindness or honesty.
Self-control is difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. A recent scientific review article (Duckworth, Gendler, and Gross, 2016) suggests that deliberately changing your environment to reduce temptation or promote healthy behavior is likely to be more effective than trying to exert will-power once you are already in the tempting situation.
“Because impulses tend to grow stronger over time, situational self-control strategies— which can nip a tempting impulse in the bud—may be especially effective in preventing undesirable action. Ironically, we may underappreciate situational self-control for the same reason it is so effective.”
In other words, we may be less likely to think of or use strategies that involve changing our environment to avoid temptation because we think of self-control as an internal struggle in which we have to fight and be strong. We equate self-control with mental strength and good character, but this doesn’t have to be the case. It is much easier to choose a healthy path when we are not faced with strong cravings or when cues to do the negative behavior are not right in our face.
Below are some different ways you can exert self-control, based on James Gross’s Process Model.
📍Selecting the Situation
Choose to hang out with people or in environments that will enhance your self-control. Choose to hang out with friends who live healthy or lead busy lives, rather than those who will encourage you to go out and party (or spend money, slack off, overeat, etc.). Go hiking rather than to the shopping mall.
📍Changing the Situation
Modify the situation to make self-control easier. For example, you could put your the alarm clock across the room so you have to get up to switch it off. Or you could lock the hard liquor in a cupboard and give someone else the key.
📍Refocusing Your Attention
If you can’t change the situation, you can change what you pay attention to,. You can find a distracting activity to do until the craving goes down. Or you could think about how good you will feel after the workout.
📍Changing or Redirecting Your Thoughts
You can change what you think about or how you perceive the tempting object. For example, you could deliberately think about the way you behaved the last time you drank too much in order to avoid taking a drink. You could think of that designer bag as a rip-off, rather than something that would enhance your appearance.
📍Using Willpower
Finally, you can can stay in the situation but use mental strength to avoid temptation. This strategy is the most difficult because at this point, dopamine (the motivation and reward chemical) is already flowing in your brain and it’s very easy to rationalize and make an argument that the unhealthy behavior is actually not so bad.
The authors argue (and it seems intuitive) that making a decision earlier in the game to choose or change your environment is likely to be most effective in nipping the impulse in the bud. But if you do find yourself in the situation, you can still change your focus of attention or remind yourself of the negative aspects of the unhealthy behavior or just sit on your hands and grit your teeth!
#LIFESTYLE
10 Signs Your Partner Has Lost Interest
☄Your relationship has been a bit rocky lately, but it’s not like your partner has lost interest in you…or have you just missed the warning signs? Worrying about the stability and security of your relationship is not something that people in healthy relationships deal with.
If you have concerns, your fears may or may not be founded in reality. Although we have the 11 signs that your partner has lost interest below, you may need to have a heart to heart with your partner about your feelings to really be sure about their plans to continue in the relationship.
“How will I know if he really loves me?” – Whitney Houston
1. YOUR PARTNER HAS BEEN A LITTLE SELFISH LATELY
You seem to always be eating your partner’s favorite meals and watching their favorite shows, but where is the consideration for what you love? If your partner has lost interest, you will start to notice this sign; feeling like your needs and desires are second place to those of your partner.
Researchers studying relationship breakups found that imbalances in power in the relationship , for example, where one partner controls all of the activities, are connected to relationship conflict, unhappiness, psychological distress, and breakup.
2. YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’VE DONE SOMETHING WRONG
You can feel like apologizing when your partner has lost interest, but in reality, you’ve done nothing wrong. Maybe it’s the silent treatment your partner is giving you, or the disapproving looks that you’ve seen them send your way, but you definitely feel like you did something wrong.
Loss of interest can be like an infected wound that grows into something worse; contempt. When we no longer care for the well-being of the people in our daily life, we can grow angry and resentful in their presence, which expresses itself as a negative emotion toward the person who is unwanted.
3. YOU USED TO BE INCLUDED IN YOUR PARTNER’S SOCIAL ACTIVITIES
Your partner has stopped including you in the fun things that they do with friends when they are away from you. For that matter, you aren’t being included in family get-togethers either. Whatever your partner is doing without you, it’s clear that they have lost interest in doing it with you.
4. THEY DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOU
If your partner has ever told you that they just don’t have time for you, it might have made you feel like the lowest person on Earth. This is definitely an unfeeling way to treat the person that they supposedly love.
5. YOU HAVE BEEN DISRESPECTED BY YOUR PARTNER
Your partner used a vulgar gesture or language toward you, belittled you in front of others or even in private. Their words are hurtful, angry, and anything but kind and loving.
6. YOU ARGUE MORE OFTEN
You rarely used to fight, but now it seems like your partner has lost interest in everything with you except for arguing.
7. YOU HAVE ASKED THEM TO CHANGE THEIR NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR, BUT THEY HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING DIFFERENT
It would be nice if your partner would treat you the way you have asked them to treat you, but clearly they have no interest in changing their behavior for you at this point in your relationship.
8. YOU’VE LOST THAT LOVING FEELING
Not you toward your partner, but your partner sure isn’t giving you love that is meaningful to you. You can’t remember the last time you were held and comforted, cuddled, or treated with loving kindness.
For that matter, your partner is not supporting you when you need them.
9. YOU SUSPECT THAT THEY ARE KEEPING THINGS FROM YOU
Emotional cheating, withholding information, or outright lying and physical cheating; you suspect that something has been going on behind your back.
10. THERE HAVE BEEN NO SIGNS OF MAKING A COMMITMENT
They’ve never asked you to be a monogamous partner, expressed a desire to take the relationship to the next level or proposed to you. The fact that you aren’t getting signals of wanting to stay in a committed relationship from your partner is not a good sign of continued interest.
#Lifestyle
How Makeup Alters the Way Women's Characters Are Judged
🏌Gender holds a particular sway over what we deduce from a gal's appearance
Slathering on some mascara, coverup, or blush doesn't just increase how pleased a girl can feel with her own looks. Wearing makeup can significantly alter others' perceptions of a woman's personality. What people infer from her makeup-laden appearance, however, varies depending on the observer's gender.
A new study published in the journal Perception finds that men perceive women who wear makeup to be more
prestigious while women perceive (other) women who wear makeup to be more dominant — and more promiscuous .
These conclusions were reached by a team of researchers led byViktoria R. Mileva of Scotland's University of Stirling. Mileva et al. conducted two experiments in which they "applied a standardized amount of cosmetics to female faces using computer software." They then asked a handful of male and female participants to rate these female faces for levels of attractiveness, prestige, and dominance.
For the most part, male and female participants agreed on the makeup-wearing females' aesthetic appeal. But the genders differed in their judgments related to prestige and dominance. "Only women rated faces with cosmetics as higher in dominance," Mileva et al. reported, "while only men rated them as higher in prestige."
The researchers then conducted a second experiment, investigating "whether these enhanced perceptions of dominance from women were caused by jealousy." Not surprisingly, their results showed that "women experience more jealousy toward women with cosmetics." What's more, Mileva et al. found that women interpret another woman's dolled up visage as a sign that she's "more attractive to men and more promiscuous."
Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder. But so, too, according to Mileva et al.'s novel findings, are the roots of the assumptions that we make about a woman's character. (Accurate or not.)
In a press release, Mileva points out that her findings are particularly applicable to the realm of employment. Think: job interviews, where the dynamics of wearing more or less makeup can work for or against a gal under consideration.
If, for instance, you're a woman interviewing with a mostly female staff for a subordinate position, you may wish to try toning down the eyeshadow. But if you're gunning for a promotion or trying to prove your muster, maybe that powerful deep purple lip shade or extra layer of eyeliner can give you a leg up. (Especially if a hiring manager or boss is a straight male — though, likely, you've already learned this.)
Granted, there's more to a woman's personality (and appeal) than appearance. And it's a bummer that how us ladies look still holds so much sway over the levels of competency, dominance, desirability, and even promiscuity others attribute to us. Certainly if we want to stay in the job market for the long haul actual skill,
intelligence, and experience (as I hope most employers know by now) are far more important qualities to spend our time cultivating than, say, the most flawless brow shape or the most flattering shade of lipgloss.
But so long as looks continue to have an impact on how we come off to others, I think it's safe to say there's no shame in using a little bit of rouge to our advantage. Just remember: As Mileva et al.'s study makes clear, there's an equal wisdom in knowing when to remove it — or, at least, lay it on lighter.