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Original dad jokes directly from Reddit Contact us: @UPAC_DevelopmentBot 🖤
I just farted on my wallet....
Now i have some gas money.
Submitted by eddie7325
@DadJokesCompilation
Why couldn't the blind man see his friends?
Because he was married and had three children
Submitted by Spencjb24
@DadJokesCompilation
Perfect
When I was in grade school, I heard the word penis on the playground. I asked my father what it was, and he said, "I guess you're old enough, so I'll just show you". So he takes it out, and says, "You see that, that's a penis, and a perfect penis at that". So the next day I am on the playground at school talking about penises, when my classmate Sally asked me what a penis is. I said,"I guess you're old enough to know", so I pulled it out. I said,"You see that Sally, that's a penis, and if it were only three inches shorter, it would be a perfect penis".
Submitted by Jack-Brower
@DadJokesCompilation
I stole a lawyer’s underwear right before court.
There’s no way he’ll succeed without his legal briefs.
Submitted by IMadeItGuys
@DadJokesCompilation
Insomnia
My doctor recently asked me if I thought I suffered from insomnia or not.It was a tough decision, so I decided to sleep on it.
Submitted by r-eap
@DadJokesCompilation
Why don't you want to be sad at a retail store?
You'd be at the lowest of Lowe's
Submitted by Cresendo77
@DadJokesCompilation
Why are goats considered an advanced species?
They're always living on the bleating edge.
Submitted by sid8tive
@DadJokesCompilation
A chicken pie in Jamaica costs £2.00. A chicken pie in Trinidad costs £2.14. A chicken pie in St Kitts costs £2.09.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Submitted by eruwotm8
@DadJokesCompilation
12 year old daughter singing her revised version of “Creep” by Radiohead...
“I’m a creek. I’m a riverrrrrrrr.”
Submitted by cahalenta
@DadJokesCompilation
It's my 1-year Reddit anniversary
Getting karma should be easy as cake
Submitted by Volumed_Coyote_60
@DadJokesCompilation
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer
I don’t know what he laced em with, but I was trippin all day.
Submitted by m8tt_4
@DadJokesCompilation
What do I know about carving wood?
Very whittle.
Submitted by FinalCaveat
@DadJokesCompilation
Tomorrow is International Mud Day, and I had this marvellous exchange with my 4 year old today, Sunday: "Better prepare your gumboots, tomorrow is Mud Day!" I exclaimed. My child, without missing a beat, replied:
"No it's not, it's MUNday!" The apprentice has now become the master.
Submitted by drozzi007
@DadJokesCompilation
What kind of running means walking ?
Running out of gas
Submitted by HellsJuggernaut
@DadJokesCompilation
My son refuses to eat rice if it in not white.
I said “Son, that’s ricest!”
Submitted by MaryLightly33
@DadJokesCompilation
Did you hear about the abortionist who was arrested?
He was charged due to MANSLAUGHTER!
Submitted by EddieVicRattlehead
@DadJokesCompilation
How do you turn a chicken into a pig?
Put it in the oven, then it's bacon…
Submitted by Godfather_187_
@DadJokesCompilation
My wife asked why I didn't bring a facemask to the grocery store.
I told her I didn't think Covid.
Submitted by Agentchef
@DadJokesCompilation
How many times did the Spanish teacher have to tell her class how to say eleven?
Once
Submitted by larryb78
@DadJokesCompilation
What do you call an acid with an attitude?
Amino acid
Submitted by TaterRae94
@DadJokesCompilation
A man went to the dentist
The man receives his test results from the dentist, the man looks down, visibly upset. the dentist asks: "Is everything okay, sir?" the man looks up, sighs, and says "the tooth hurts"
Submitted by samsaver3
@DadJokesCompilation
A daughter asked her father, "Why are they called shoes?"
The father said it was a very old story about two inventors named Johnson and Hues. One day Hues was working feverishly on his latest project and talking to himself out loud. Unfortunately for Johnson, his project was not going well and Hues' constant chatter was getting on his last nerve. Suddenly, Hues lept from his chair in excitement and said "I finally did it!" "I finally invented a protective layer of apparel to be worn on the feet!" Johnson was a timid man that never attempted to stifle Hues' talking, but he was about to snap. At last, Hues cried out one last time to himself "...but what shall I call them?", to which Johnson finally retorted, "SSSSHHHH, Hues!"
Submitted by Arkangel_Ash
@DadJokesCompilation
Why are there no cars in Minecraft?
Because the streets are blocked off.
Submitted by BlankPhotos
@DadJokesCompilation
Future dad joke
Kiddo: Geez whiz dad, we didn't get any snow at all this year!Papa: Yeah, it never used to be like this back in the colden days...Everyone: sigh
Submitted by ohshitsherlock
@DadJokesCompilation
A trillion neutrinos walk into a bar
One says "ouch"
Submitted by Alaskan_Lost
@DadJokesCompilation
Mountains are not funny!
They're hill areas.
Submitted by pmyourbootypics
@DadJokesCompilation
How do you feel about the movie, "The Room?"
I give it hi(gh) Marks!
Submitted by TheMightyBattleSquid
@DadJokesCompilation
Everyone in my peer group was using State Farm for insurance...
So I decided to go with the Flo.
Submitted by thomasbrakeline
@DadJokesCompilation
Have you heard about the new pissing pandemic and its safety procedures ?
If not, well then I guess urine danger.
Submitted by vinnlo
@DadJokesCompilation
I accidentally poked myself in the eye moments ago.
I did not see that one coming.
Submitted by drozzi007
@DadJokesCompilation