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Refuse to live in fear (4)
“If God is for us, who can be against us?” Ro 8:31 NKJV
To overcome fear, you must believe that God is with you. It’s the key to your ability to obey what He tells you to do. As you become confident that He is with you, your fear will lessen. When David volunteered to fight Goliath, King Saul said to him, “You are not able to go against this Philistine…for you are a youth, and he a man of war from his youth” (1Sa 17:33 NKJV). David replied, “The Lord…will deliver me from…this Philistine” (v. 37 NKJV). You’re not in this battle alone; the Lord is with you. When you’re convinced of that, your fear will subside. You may not always know what God will do, but you can relax in knowing He will do what needs to be done at the right time. When you think about the future and all the things that are unknown to you, it’s easy to feel afraid. But you can view it two ways. You can either be pessimistic and fearful, or you can say to yourself, “The battle is the Lord’s, and He has never lost a battle!” You may not always know what to do in a tense situation, but God does. He knows everything prior to it happening, and He has planned your deliverance in advance. Just put one foot in front of the other, confident that He is guiding you. You don’t have to see God or feel Him in order to believe that He is with you. Faith is a matter of the heart instead of the natural senses. God is with you! Believe it and refuse to live in fear.
Refuse to live in fear (2)
“The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.” Ps 118:6 NKJV
God has created you for a life of growth, adventure, and acceleration. But you must take bold steps of faith. And you can’t do that if you’re perfectly satisfied to live in “the safe zone.” Even when you feel afraid, don’t let it stop you! Feel the fear and do it anyway! You say, “Will I ever stop being afraid?” Yes, when you get to heaven. Feeling fear is part of being alive. You will experience fear when you try something for the first time, or when the obstacles in your path seem insurmountable, or when you feel like your resources are not equal to the challenge. None of this means you’re a coward; it just means you’re human. You are only cowardly when you let your fears control your actions and decisions. Feeling fear is merely the temptation to flee from what you should confront. Feeling fear is not the same as being afraid, because being afraid means allowing fearful feelings to take control of you. But you don’t have to. You can feel anger yet choose not to act on it, and instead respond with forgiveness and love. In the same way, you can feel fear and not let it make your decisions. “He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we may boldly say: ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?’” (Heb 13:5-6 NKJV). Note those two phrases: “He…has said” and “we may boldly say.” So, stand on God’s Word today and declare, “I will not live in fear.”
Start saying, ‘I can’
“Many are they who say of me, ‘There is no help.’” Ps 3:2 NKJV
Maybe you have repeatedly heard the words “You can’t” throughout your life. Many people like to tell others what they cannot do. Even people you wouldn’t automatically consider to be against you—teachers, coaches, parents, family members, friends, and leaders of church groups or social events, who often fail to realize the power of their words over young lives. Many of us grew up thinking, “I can’t,” when that wasn’t true at all! No matter how often you have heard someone say, “You can’t,” stand on God’s Word and say, “Yes, I can!” Miracles come in “cans”—our belief that we can do everything we need to do through Christ who is our strength (See Php 4:13). God believes in you, and now is the time for you to believe in yourself. This is a new day! Put the past and all its disheartening remarks behind you. Words that speak of failure come from the Enemy, not God, so determine right now not to allow the power of “you can’t” to affect you any longer. In contrast to the Enemy, God’s Spirit encourages you and will do everything to urge you forward toward success in all areas of life. Facing the challenges of the promised land, God told Joshua three times, “Be…of good courage” (Jos 1:6-9 NKJV). Always remember that if you feel “dis-couraged,” it’s from the Devil. And that if you feel “en-couraged,” it’s from God. Decide to agree with God and say to yourself, “I can!” Today let the power of God’s Word dominate the power of every negative word that has ever been spoken to you or about you.
Through Christ, you can do it
“I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me.” Php 4:13 AMPC
Paul writes: “I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency]” (v. 13 AMPC). Paul believed he could handle whatever life threw at him. Do you believe that too? What are the things that trigger your fear and cause you to say, “I could never do that”? Suddenly losing a loved one? Facing an unexpected illness? Having your adult child with two toddlers move into your fastidiously clean and tranquil house after you have had an empty nest for years? Going on a stringent diet because your life depends on it? Putting yourself on a budget to prevent foreclosure of your home? Suddenly having to take care of a disabled, elderly parent? Most people have some sort of situation that truly seems impossible to them, something they are unsure they can handle. The truth is, while some situations may be extremely undesirable or challenging for you, God says you can do whatever you need to do in life. He doesn’t say everything will be simple for you; He doesn’t promise you will enjoy every little thing you do, but that you can enjoy life in the middle of doing them. How? Through the power of the One, “Who infuses inner strength into you.” When you need money, you make a withdrawal from your bank account. When your car is empty, you make a withdrawal from the gas pump. So when life gets overwhelming, pray and make a withdrawal on God’s grace, love, strength, power, and guidance.
Rebuilding your marriage (3)
“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” Ps 127:1 NKJV
You must be willing to forgive the other person. Loving makes you vulnerable. When you give someone your heart, they can break it. A stranger or casual acquaintance could say something that would roll off you like water off a duck’s back. But when your mate says the same thing to you, it can stir up feelings of anger and resentment. No one stays married to anyone without some forgiveness involved. Think about it: Your relationship with God involves needing, asking for, and receiving His forgiveness. In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus taught us to say: “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” Then He explained, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Mt 6:12, 14 NKJV). The word “trespass” simply means “going where you have no right to go.” And we do that to each other in marriage. Familiarity breeds contempt. When you feel continually taken for granted by your mate, it can build up and explode into an argument. Trespassing includes infidelity, among other things. If you don’t practice forgiveness in little things, it makes it much harder to extend and receive grace during the crisis moments. The art of forgiveness requires letting go of perfection and performance and grasping hold of grace and gratitude. When the Bible says that a man must leave his father and mother (including his culture, background, and family language) and be joined to his wife (developing a new culture, background, and family language), they begin to bond together and become one (See Mt 19:5 NKJV). But this bonding takes a lot of time and work. It also calls for focusing on what’s good in your mate and forgiving the rest.
Rebuilding your marriage (1)
“The winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell.” Mt 7:27 NKJV
Today about 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. Sadly, that’s true whether you’re a Christian or not. Sometimes the reasons are circumstantial, such as a job layoff or a home foreclosure. Other times it’s relational, such as a betrayal of trust or an addiction to drugs and alcohol. If you’re committed to rebuilding your marriage, you must learn how to reconnect and work to restore what you once had. In order to accomplish this, you must both be willing to enter into the process and commit for the long haul. For the next few days, let’s look at four key areas. First, you must know the other person. It’s a mistake to try and figure out your spouse, put them in a box, and label them for the remainder of their lives. Knowing someone is an art in progress, not a static science with unchangeable data. You must view your mate as a mystery who requires ongoing scrutiny and lifelong learning. The Bible says, “Treat your wife [and your husband] with understanding as you live together” (1Pe 3:7 NLT). In order to restore your marriage, take a new look at your partner. They may not be who you assumed they were—but neither are you. So you must allow room for each of you to evolve, and resolve! And be sure to include God in the process. Jesus said that a house built on the solid foundation of God’s Word will stand strong in the storm while others around it are falling apart (See Mt 7:24-27). So today begin the process by recommitting to God—and each other.
What you must give up
“One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek.” Ps 27:4 NKJV
In order to succeed, there are certain things you must give up. (1) You can’t be friends with everybody. Jesus loved everybody but spent most of His time with twelve people mentoring them. And He spent extra time with Peter, James, and John, His inner circle. At His life’s end, He could say, “I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do” (Jn 17:4 NIV). (2) You can’t do everything. Because of the fast pace of our society, people tend to multitask. But shifting from task to task can cost you up to 40 percent efficiency. According to researchers, you will get more done focusing on one task at a time, not switching constantly from one task to another. David said, “One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek.” (3) You can’t be well rounded. Yes, there must be a balance between your private world and your public one. But it’s a myth to believe that you can know everyone, do everything, go everywhere, and have everything. You don’t need to know 99 percent of everything in life; you just need to focus on the 1 percent that gives you the highest return. If you’re too easily distracted, you need people in your life who are empowered to “call you on it” and help you get back on track. You need to know what you should and shouldn’t be bothered about. Bottom line: In order to go higher and achieve greater things, you must be willing to lay aside certain things. Even good things (See Heb 12:1-3).
Does it glorify God?
“Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1Co 10:31 NKJV
When you’re about to do something and you’re not sure if you should, ask yourself, “Will doing this glorify God?” If you follow that rule, you won’t go wrong in life. Let’s get specific. If you earn your money honestly, then it’s yours to spend as you wish. Once you give God His portion, which begins at 10 percent, you get to choose what you will do with the rest. However, your financial decisions have consequences that affect not only you but your family. When you go into debt you can’t repay, they suffer with you. So does your reputation with others. The question is not even can you afford it, but will it bring glory to God? Will He be pleased? And how about your relationships? You’re single, lonely, and longing for companionship. So, you find someone you really like. Today when unchecked passion leads to sex before marriage, society doesn’t blink at it. But as a redeemed child of God, you are different. Jesus said we are in the world, but not of it. That means we live by a different set of rules: scriptural ones. Perhaps your partner will see your refusal of sexual intimacy as rejection. And they may even decide to leave you. What should you do? Ask yourself, “Will this glorify God? Will He be pleased?” You say, “Pleasing God isn’t easy.” It never has been. And the Bible doesn’t say it will be. But if you want to live with joy, self-respect, confidence, and integrity, you have to choose the right path. And that’s the path which always brings glory to God.
Change your thinking, change your life (2)
“He who walks with wise men will be wise.” Pr 13:20 NKJV
If you’re surrounded by negativity, look for a better environment. Charlie Brower said, “A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a quip and worried to death by a frown on the right man’s brow.” Negative environments kill great ideas every minute. A creative environment, on the other hand, becomes like a greenhouse where ideas are seeded, then sprout and thrive. In order to grow, you must seek out people who are committed to personal growth. Such people: (1) Encourage creativity. David Hills says: “Studies of creativity suggest that the biggest single variable of whether or not employees will be creative is whether they perceive they have permission.” When innovation and good thinking are openly encouraged and rewarded, people see they have permission to be creative. (2) Are willing to risk failure. Even when you have studied and prepared yourself thoroughly, you will have to try several times before you succeed. So, you need to be in an environment where mistakes are viewed as part of the creative process. (3) Believe in the potential of a dream. A creative environment encourages the use of a blank sheet of paper and the question, “If you could draw a picture of what you want to accomplish, what would it look like?” A creative environment allowed Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to speak with passion and declare, “I have a dream,” not “I have a goal.” Goals may give focus, but dreams have power. Dreams expand your world. And God is the giver of dreams and visions (See Joel 2:28).
A prayer of commitment to God
“I have glorified You on the earth. I have finished the work which You have given Me to do.” Jn 17:4 NKJV
If the desire of your heart is to please God and fulfill His will for your life, here is a prayer for you: “Lord, I thank You that even though You know everything about me, You still love me. You know my thoughts, my mistakes, my sins, and yet You still call me Your child. Your grace toward me is beyond comprehension. More than anything else, I want to know You intimately and sense Your presence in my life each day. If there is any part of me that I have kept from You, show me so that I can invite You to rule and reign there. Come into me, Holy Spirit, and revive my soul with rivers of living water. Then flow out through me into a dry and thirsty world (See Jn 7:38-39). Help me to keep my eyes fixed on You instead of others (See Heb 12:1-2). Lord, be my richest treasure always. Help me never to make an idol out of anyone or anything or allow possessions or the distractions of this world to get in front of You in any way. You are my healer, my hope, and my strength. When I need freedom, You are my deliverer. You are my shield from the Enemy, my counselor when I need guidance, and my stronghold in the day of trouble (See Ps 32:7). Truly, You are the God of miracles. Work Your miracles of grace in my life and keep changing me from day to day into Your likeness (See 2Co 3:18). In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.”
When God sends you an angel (3)
“The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.” Ps 34:7 NIV
What are some other situations when God might send an angel to help you? (1) To get you out of trouble. Lot was living in Sodom, a city about to be destroyed because of its sin. That’s when God sent angels to rescue him and his family from impending doom. Lot listened, obeyed, and survived, but sadly his wife didn’t, and she perished (See Ge 19). (2) To change your life’s direction. “Moses was tending the flock of Jethro…There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush” (Ex 3:1-2 NIV). Moses thought his life was over. He started out in a palace and ended up in a pasture. But every experience, good and bad, had equipped him to lead the greatest migration of people in history. (3) When you’re facing your biggest challenge. In order to enter the promised land, Israel first had to conquer its biggest city: Jericho. And Joshua hadn’t a clue as to how to do it. That’s when God sent an angel with a plan that would literally bring down the walls (See Jos 5:14). (4) When you have given it your best and want to quit. After his spectacular victory over the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel, Jezebel put out a contract on the prophet Elijah. How did it affect him? “‘I have had enough, Lord,’ he said. ‘Take my life’…Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, ‘Get up’” (1Ki 19:4-5 NIV). And today God still sends angels in disguise to help us.
When God sends you an angel (1)
“Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?” Heb 1:14 NIV
God can come to you in varied forms. When Jesus appeared to His disciples and stilled the storm, they thought He was a ghost. So, your intellect can undermine your faith. The Bible says angels are “ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation.” Have you ever seen an angel? They aren’t always dressed in white with dramatically arched wings. Sometimes they’re so ordinary that they’re overlooked. “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it” (Heb 13:2 NIV). Perhaps you think God doesn’t send angels because He has given us His Holy Spirit to help, protect, and guide us. Not so. Remember, God sent an angel to deliver Peter from prison on the eve of his execution. On his way to Rome, Paul was on board a ship that was destined to be destroyed by a ferocious storm. But God sent an angel to assure him he would survive it. So, Paul announced to the crew and passengers: “Take heart, for there will be no loss of life among you, but only of the ship. For there stood by me this night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve, saying, ‘Do not be afraid, Paul’…Therefore take heart, men, for I believe God that it will be just as it was told me” (Ac 27:22-25 NKJV). You may not be able to see angels, but you can be certain that they see you; indeed, they never take their eyes off you! (See Mt 18:10.)
Use your God-given creativity
“He has filled them with skill to do all manner of work.” Ex 35:35 NKJV
The Bible says God “filled them with skill to do all manner of work of the engraver and the designer and the tapestry maker, in blue, purple, and scarlet thread, and fine linen, and of the weaver—those who do every work and those who design artistic works” (v. 35 NKJV). When God calls you to do something, He has already placed within you the ability to accomplish it. Satan hopes you never discover that. He wants you to remain trapped in the status quo, believing that the way things are is how they will always be. Not so! When you change your thinking, your life begins to change. “As he thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Pr 23:7). As long as you are content to remain as you are, you will never begin to think creatively. But when you decide you want your life to change for the better, you become teachable and open yourself to becoming creative. Like anything else in life, creativity begins with one idea. Then those ideas multiply! And each creative idea you have increases your ability to become a creative thinker. Poet Maya Angelou observed: “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. Sadly, too often creativity is smothered rather than nurtured. There has to be a climate in which new ways of thinking, perceiving, and questioning are encouraged.” If you cultivate creative thinking, there is no telling what kind of ideas you will come up with or how far you will go in life. Are you ready to start? Ask your Creator for a creative idea, then step out in faith and act on it.
Don’t wait; enjoy your life now
“There is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is why we are here!” Ecc 3:22 NLT
Solomon writes: “I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is why we are here! No one can bring us back from death to enjoy life after we die.” Begin now to think about what you can do to find more joy in every experience. The present moment is all you’re guaranteed, so don’t wait until later—until you get married, retire, go on vacation, or until your children finish college—to enjoy your life. No one knows what will happen next in their lives or in the world. You’re alive now, so maximize it, embrace it, and celebrate it. Nobody was busier than Jesus, yet He knew how to celebrate! His first miracle was performed at a wedding reception. His schedule was hectic, yet He interrupted it to enjoy time with children. The needs He faced were endless, yet He took time off to rest. These words are from an anonymous writer: “If I had my life to live over, I would take more chances…[and] more trips. I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones…I have been one of those people who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a gargle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would go places and do things and travel lighter than I have.” Don’t wait; enjoy your life now.
Friendship
“A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.” Pr 17:17 NLT
Jonathan was the rightful heir to the throne of his father, Saul, but David had been called by God to succeed Saul as Israel’s next king. From day one, they were on a collision course. They had everything to lose by becoming friends, because ultimately only one of them could reign. So how did they handle it? Were they competitive, or suspicious, or jealous of one another? No, because neither was interested in promoting himself. The Bible says, “Jonathan made a solemn pact with David…by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt” (1Sa 18:3-4 NLT). These were his most treasured personal possessions. He was willing to risk his life for David despite his father Saul’s warnings that Jonathan’s throne would never be established as long as David was alive (See 1Sa 20:31). Likewise, David jeopardized his life fighting the Philistines to help Saul and Jonathan establish their kingdom. The point of the story is this: A true friend is “there for you,” even when they would rather be somewhere else. As one celebrity said, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” Solomon said, “A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.” When was the last time you thanked God for the true friends in your life? What is it that makes them so special? Don’t assume they know how much you appreciate them. Tell them! And one more thought: If you want to have true friends—become one!
Refuse to live in fear (3)
“Perfect love casts out fear.” 1Jn 4:18 NKJV
When God says, “Fear not,” He is basically telling you, “You’re going to have to deal with fear, but you can conquer it. You can act in spite of it.” The Bible says, “Perfect love casts out fear.” Sometimes we mistakenly think that Scripture means if we love God perfectly enough, we won’t be afraid. No, the only perfect love is God’s love for you. And it’s unconditional. Knowing that He always loves you, walks with you, defends you, supports you, and has promised to bless you in all that you do is what casts out your fear. And it does one more thing: It strengthens your faith. “Without faith it is impossible to please [God]” (Heb 11:6). When you know that God is pleased with you, you begin to rise above your fears. When fear knocks on your door and finds you full of faith, it cannot enter. That’s why you need to meditate continually on God’s Word and let your conversation be filled with faith. If you’re used to allowing your mind to go everywhere it pleases, meditating on God’s Word will require making a new habit. Don’t become discouraged if you discover you have good intentions but many failures. The Bible says, “We walk by faith” (2Co 5:7 NKJV). How did you learn to walk? By getting up one more time than you fell down, until you finally did it. When you set your mind to speaking fear-defying words of faith, the Holy Spirit will come to your aid and strengthen you. As one minister says, “Courage is not the absence of fear, it is progress in its presence.” So just keep progressing, and you will get there!
Refuse to live in fear (1)
“Fear involves torment.” 1Jn 4:18 NKJV
Advice columnist Ann Landers received about ten thousand letters every month. When asked to name the most common problem in her readers’ lives, she said, “Fear! People are afraid of losing their health, their wealth, and their loved ones. People are afraid of life itself.” If you allow it to, fear will control you. “Fear involves torment,” and until the power of fear is broken, it will keep tormenting you. When fear rules your life, you cannot enjoy anything you do. And you certainly can’t enjoy God’s blessings. Dr. Caroline Leaf says that fear triggers “more than 1,400 known physical and chemical responses and activates more than thirty different hormones and neurotransmitters.” It’s at the root of all our stress. When fear causes a stress reaction in us, it actually “marinates” our body in toxic chemicals. This, of course, is terribly unhealthy and threatening to our physical well-being. The fear of not being accepted by others can make you develop a phony personality, stifling your true self and hiding who God made you to be. The fear of failure will prevent you from trying new things or stretching yourself to do more than you feel comfortable doing. The fear of the future can cause you not to enjoy your life today. Fear is a spirit, and it doesn’t come from God. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2Ti 1:7 NKJV). Reject the spirit of fear. Draw on God’s power, believe He loves you unconditionally, and begin to exercise the “sound mind” He has given you. Today, refuse to live in fear.
Depend more on God
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2Co 12:9 NIV
The secret of being able to do what you need to do is in realizing that you cannot do it alone; you can only do it through God’s empowering grace. God said to Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you,” and the word “grace” includes “all of God you will ever need for whatever you face in life.” What a promise! Sometimes we think we have to do it all. We forget that the power of Christ works through us, so we’re defeated before we even begin. “We are labourers together with God” (1Co 3:9). We can’t do God’s part, and He won’t do our part. He wants us to follow His leading, but He insists that we depend on Him every step of the way. This is hard on our ego which says, “I can do it myself!” Sometimes we have to be beaten into the ground before we let go of this kind of thinking. Knowing that we have certain gifts and talents, we make the mistake of assuming we can use them to succeed in our own strength. No, unless God’s grace is operating through your gift, you won’t be adequate to the challenge. The Bible says, “We have different gifts, according to the grace given…us” (Ro 12:6 NIV). Grace is like electricity; in order for it to function effectively, you must stay plugged in. Jesus said: “No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me…apart from me you can do nothing” (Jn 15:4-5 NIV). So, depend more on God.
Rebuilding your marriage (4)
“Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it.” SS 8:7 NLT
You must be open with one another. You must be transparent, sensitive, responsive, and willing to trust one another. Stop and think about how you feel when the doctor is about to give you a shot. Your first reaction is to tighten up, right? Similarly, our hearts naturally tighten up after the pain of rejection, or betrayal, or neglect. It’s a reflex mechanism in the soul; a way we protect ourselves subconsciously. And it’s a great attribute anywhere else, except in marriage. If you don’t turn off this mechanism, you will close your soul. This is the state where you love the person and you still come home to them every night, but you are braced, apprehensive, and no longer present in the moment. You have closed yourself off, for fear of disappointment and hurt. Marriage is an open covenant consummated by physical intimacy, which removes all barriers and celebrates the joy of having nothing between the two of you. And it’s difficult to attain and maintain such intimacy both emotionally and physically if you have experienced betrayal and disappointment. But there is good news. The central theme of the Bible is resurrection; that which is dead can live again. So if you have lost the closeness, you can get it back if you are willing to relax your soul and open your heart toward the other person. Solomon writes, “Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it” (vv. 6-7 NLT). If you seek God’s help and you are willing to work at it, you can rekindle your love and rebuild your marriage.
Rebuilding your marriage (2)
“You husbands must give honor to your wives.” 1Pe 3:7 NLT
Second, you must listen to each other. This requires time, patience, and focused attention. Too many couples give each other a monologue, without leaving room for genuine dialogue. This is where marriage counseling is effective. It forces both of you to slow down, interpret your spouse’s language, understand their feelings, and discover their needs. When a marriage breaks down, couples are often so busy trying to get their own point across and win the fight that they don’t listen for solutions and places of negotiation. Divorce would be less common if we would listen with open hearts rather than closed minds. Jesus pointed out that the law of Moses permitted divorce “because of the hardness of your hearts” (Mt 19:8). This means their hearts would not melt to the level of understanding and place of negotiation for the relationship to work. Some couples find it simpler to write each other letters revealing their feelings as they relearn how to communicate at a deeper level. Counselors and marriage enrichment seminars use this technique, and sometimes it works wonders. By putting your feelings down on paper before expressing them, you get to ask yourself, “Is this how I really feel? Is this how I want to express my feelings? Am I saying too much? Or too little?” Unloading on your mate may be a catharsis for you, but what if it buries them? These are some of the questions you must ask in order to rebuild your marriage. And if you both pray and keep your hearts open, God will help you to do it.
You need others
“Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.” Ecc 4:12 NKJV
Ken Blanchard said, “None of us is as smart as all of us.” As much as we would like to think that we know it all, if we’re honest, each of us is painfully aware that we have blind spots and areas of inexperience. You have had experiences others haven’t had; they have had experiences you haven’t had, and when you get together, you harness your joint experience and knowledge. Jesus sent the seventy disciples out in groups of two. Why? (1) For support. “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.” (2) For enlightenment. Playwright Ben Jonson said, “He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a master.” (3) For accountability. The pastor of a megachurch introduced the man who traveled with him to his audience, saying, “I am vulnerable to temptation, and he is my safeguard.” You could have heard a pin drop in the crowd! Sometimes you need comfort, and other times you need correction. It takes humility to acknowledge that, and emotional security to put it in place. Until you realize that others can help you live a fuller and better life than you could live on your own, you’re tying your own hands and limiting your potential. As long as your goal is to get ahead of others rather than work with them, your future will be shortchanged. Good thinkers comprehend the power of shared thinking. They understand that when they treasure the thoughts and ideas of others, they receive the compounding results of shared thinking and achieve more than they ever could on their own. The truth is, you need others.
Lessons from a broken heart
“Restore to me the joy of Your salvation.” Ps 51:12 NKJV
A broken heart can’t be healed by working sixteen hours a day, sweating it out in a gym, or using mood-altering substances like alcohol and drugs. Those things may bring a temporary fix but don’t bring a lasting cure. After falling into sin and shame, David prayed, “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation.” Good news: God can restore what you have lost and teach you things about yourself you didn’t know that make you a better person. And one of the first lessons He teaches us is about forgiveness. You can’t hold the club of unforgiveness over somebody else’s head and expect to find healing yourself. Forgiveness is just a word until you extend it. Your peace of mind and confidence before God depend on your willingness to extend grace to others (See Mk 11:25). The second lesson He teaches us is about relationships. And some of those relationships will bring you more pain than pleasure. Judas’ betrayal, painful as it was, was instrumental in bringing about history’s greatest event—the cross. Does that mean anybody and everybody can walk into your life and do what they want? No; their access to you is limited by the shield of God’s purpose. Some people bring comfort while others build character, and you need both. The third lesson He teaches us is about “the yes zone.” “What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open” (Rev 3:7 NIV). So whether God opens the door or shuts it, trust Him, follow Him, and say, “Yes, Lord,” because He loves you and has only the best in mind for you.
Change your thinking, change your life (3)
“Let those with understanding receive guidance.” Pr 1:5 NLT
The book of Proverbs begins: “These are the proverbs of Solomon…Their purpose is to teach people wisdom…to help them understand the insights of the wise…to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives, to help them do what is right, just, and fair. These proverbs will give insight to the simple, knowledge and discernment to the young. Let the wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. Let those with understanding receive guidance” (Pr 1:1-5 NLT). Creative thinking is simply disciplined thinking. If you think you know all there is to know, then you already know everything you’re ever going to know. In order to break out of the box, you must begin by asking the right questions. Sir Antony Jay said, “The uncreative mind can spot wrong answers, but it takes a creative mind to spot wrong questions.” Wrong questions halt the process of creative thinking. They send you down the same old path. In order to change your life, you must change your thinking. That means you must be willing to ask these two questions: “Why must it always be done this way? Is there a better way?” Whether your goal is to build a better life, or a better family, or a better business, or a better church, or a better career, or a better “anything,” all change and progress must begin by honestly asking those two questions. The saying is true: “If you build a better mousetrap, the world will beat a path to your door.” So, do you want to succeed? You must be willing to change your thinking in order to accomplish it.
Change your thinking, change your life (1)
“Let God transform you…by changing the way you think.” Ro 12:2 NLT
When you think creatively, you’re thinking like God your creator. But not everybody will welcome your creative ideas. Jesus wasn’t crucified because He worked miracles; He was loved and applauded for those. He was crucified for having ideas that challenged the status quo. God is the giver of great concepts, truths, and ideas. So when He gives you one, don’t let anybody talk you out of it. Don’t let the fear of rejection or failure kill your idea either. After all, you can’t do something new and exciting if you force yourself to stay in the same old rut. Don’t just work harder at the same old thing; make a change. And the first thing you will have to change is how you think, what you listen to and believe. Take a look at the following phrases: “I’m not a creative person. Follow the rules. Don’t ask questions. Don’t be different. Stay within the lines. There is only one way to do it. Don’t be foolish. Think of your image. That’s not logical. It’s not practical. It’s never been done. It can’t be done. It didn’t work for them. We tried that before. It’s too much work. We can’t afford to make a mistake. It will be too hard to administer. We don’t have the time. We don’t have the money. Yes, but…” Paul writes, “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” (v. 2 NLT). The word for you today is—change your thinking, change your life.
When God sends you an angel (4)
“My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions.” Da 6:22 NIV
Here are some more situations when God might send an angel to help you. (1) When doing the right thing gets you into trouble. Doing God’s will put Daniel in a lions’ den, but God brought him out and publicly vindicated him. The king declared, “Every part of my kingdom…must…reverence the God of Daniel. For…his dominion will never end” (v. 26 NIV). (2) When you’re tired of battling temptation. When the urge to pick up a drink, drug, or a cigarette feels overwhelming, or you think the only way out is to lie, or loneliness is driving you into the arms of the wrong person. After Jesus had battled temptation for forty days, the Bible says, “The devil leaveth him, and behold, angels came and ministered unto him” (Mt 4:11). (3) When the load you have been called to carry feels too heavy. Facing the indescribable agony of being crucified on a cross, Jesus prayed the defining prayer of His life: “‘Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.’ An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him” (Lk 22:42-43 NIV). God will strengthen you through His Word and prayer. Sometimes He will send people you know to help you do it. Paul wrote, “We were harassed at every turn—conflicts on the outside, fears within. But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus” (2Co 7:5-6 NIV). Other times, He will send an angel. Bottom line: When you call on God for help, you can be sure that help is on the way.
When God sends you an angel (2)
“He will order his angels to protect you wherever you go.” Ps 91:11 NLT
In what situation might God send an angel to help you? (1) When those you love and trust have disappointed you. Imagine how Hagar felt. In a joint decision with his wife, Sarah, Abraham got Hagar pregnant in order to try and fulfill God’s promise. Then when Isaac was born a year later, he sent her away without child support. Weeping and believing they would both die, Hagar left baby Ishmael under a tree and walked away. But God sent an angel to tell her that her son was a child of destiny from whom would come a great people (See Ge 21:18). (2) When you’re facing embarrassment and can’t defend yourself. Mary planned to get married first, then have a baby. But God had a different plan. Not only was she facing public humiliation, but according to the law, she should be put to death. But God sent an angel to vindicate her and tell her that she was in the center of His will (See Lk 1:34-38). (3) When you’re grieving the death of someone you love and fearing for your future. Mary Magdalene loved Jesus more than life itself, so when He died and was buried, she was distraught and heartbroken. That’s when God sent an angel to announce: “He is not here: for he is risen” (Mt 28:6). The Bible says, “Some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it” (Heb 13:2 NIV). If you allow it to, a cynical world will make you doubt that God actually loves you so much He would send an angel to help you. But it’s true.
A prayer of forgiveness
“Forgiving one another, just as God…has forgiven you.” Eph 4:32 NLT
The Bible says: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (vv. 31-32 NLT). Are you struggling to forgive someone? Here is a prayer: “Lord, I praise you for forgiving me and washing my sins away. Reveal anything I need to confess to you today so that I can bring it before you and be cleansed and set free, especially any place in my heart where I have not forgiven someone. I know how subtly resentment and bitterness can build up and hinder my prayers. I recognize that my lack of forgiveness toward others can keep me from experiencing your forgiveness (See Mk 11:25). To say that I need your help to forgive others the way you have always been forgiving toward me is a huge understatement. You forgave the unforgivable on the cross. I acknowledge that I am incapable of forgiving on my own. Remind me that I cannot make my forgiveness conditional upon whether people deserve it or not, and that the focus of my heart must remain on becoming more like you. Give me grace to forgive, and not hold forgiveness back until the other person says or does what I think they should. Take away anything of anger, bitterness, or resentment in my heart. Pour out your Spirit upon me and cleanse me of all that’s not of you. Enable me to walk in the forgiveness you have given me and to extend it to others. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.”
Money matters in marriage
“He who is greedy for gain troubles his own house.” Pr 15:27 NKJV
Today one of the biggest sources of conflict in marriage is money. That is because a husband and wife often have opposite ideas about how it ought to be used. Stop and consider the words “delayed gratification.” When one spouse is willing to delay purchasing something until their financial house is in order, but the other one isn’t, the battle lines begin to form. Another disagreement that can arise is deciding when, and for what, credit should be obtained. This is treacherous territory. Nothing irritates a disciplined, thrifty person more than living with someone who wastes their income and their future earnings on things that aren’t truly needed. Another potential minefield in marriage for many of us is deciding when and how much to give to our children. Because we love them so much, we want life to be easier and better for them growing up than it was for us. But it takes a steady hand to hold a full cup. The Bible clearly teaches the virtues of hard work, living frugally, saving, building, and producing by the sweat of our brows. And if our children don’t learn these virtues the right way—while they’re living in our home—there is a good chance they will learn them the hard way—while building their own home. So here is some good advice: Stay out of debt as much as possible and be extremely cautious with credit cards. Their misuse can weaken your family’s stability and future. Indeed, credit cards should be labeled, “Danger! Handle with care!” Jesus put it this way: “Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own” (Lk 12:15 NLT).
Experiencing God’s presence and pleasure
“In Your presence is fullness of joy.” Ps 16:11 NKJV
If you were miserable before you met Jesus, it’s easy to make the mistake of thinking that the only place His presence can be enjoyed is in church. No, you can enjoy His presence everywhere. At home, at work, at school, in business, and even in times of suffering and adversity. Brother Lawrence, a Carmelite monk in a French monastery, wrote the best-selling book, The Practice of the Presence of God. He resented his daily routine in the kitchen. Then God showed him that everything he did each day could be done for God and with God. That truth transformed his life. You can cultivate your mind to be more productive, and you can also cultivate your spirit to be more sensitive to God. You can reach the place where you sense His presence and His pleasure in all that you do. Believing God is present with you won’t help you much if you think He is always upset with you. But when you see yourself as accepted in Christ, you realize that He is not only present with you at all times but pleased with you (See Eph 1:6). That will radically change your thinking about God. There are dozens of things pertaining to everyday life, and you can enjoy them all if you just make the decision to do it— getting dressed, going to work, organizing things, running errands, grocery shopping, etc. After all, these are the things life is made up of. Joy comes not merely from being entertained, but from a decision to be grateful for each moment you are given as a rare and valuable gift from God.
Christ is coming again!
“The day of the Lord will come as unexpectedly as a thief.” 2Pe 3:10 NLT
Don’t let “date-setters” make you cynical about Christ’s soon return. When the founder of a major church denomination predicted in print the date of Christ’s second coming, his successors faced the embarrassment of having to publicly acknowledge that they were wrong. Do you remember the alarmists of Y2K? Declaring to a scientific certainty that the year 2000 would bring the end of the world and the return of Christ, they caused people to leave their jobs, sell their homes, stock up on food, and head for the hills. And because of such embarrassments, many preachers today have silenced or toned down the truth of Christ’s second coming. Yes, when some folks hear the message, they roll their eyes and say, “Not again!” But doubt about Christ’s return is one of the signs that guarantees it will happen. The Bible says: “In the last days scoffers will come, mocking the truth…They will say, ‘What happened to the promise that Jesus is coming again? From before the times of our ancestors, everything has remained the same since the world was first created.’…The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. But the day of the Lord will come as unexpectedly as a thief…the earth and everything on it will be found to deserve judgment…so, dear friends, while you are waiting for these things to happen, make every effort to be found living peaceful lives that are pure and blameless in his sight” (vv. 3-4, 9-10, 14 NLT).