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Don't Give me the Odds!
I just got myself into a really good internship and wanted to both share my happiness here and illustrate how the odds often aren’t nearly as bad as they seem.
I had already been through higher education once. I got a worthless 4-year degree, got tired of engineering work, tried a few things but the jobs I found were all pretty low-paying. I started to think of getting qualifications so I could get a better job. I looked at a few options, getting an apprenticeship, going to trade school, etc, when my Dad emailed me an opportunity that sounded perfect. I’m keeping the details anonymous, but it was a paid internship plus they would pay for the first year of a two-year Phd degree so I could get a well-paying job in a field. The internship was already half again what I was making at my current job, and it was similar to the job I already had and enjoyed.
Here's the part that worried me. They mention that they are specifically looking for candidates from underrepresented backgrounds and people who haven’t had as many opportunities for success. The only qualifications are a masters degree. And while my current job pays horribly, I do have a master's degree and my family makes very good money. I’m also white and wasn't even twenty at the time. So on paper, I felt like I wasn’t what they were looking for at all. And they would only take 40 people into Phase 2, which was a 12-week emotional intelligence class. After that, they only had 20 slots for the actual internship and scholarship. But while on paper, I wasn’t the ideal candidate, I knew that I was a great candidate for the final job, since I was already in the workforce for one year, had a professional mindset, and already had a background in a similar field. So I applied, even though I knew it was a long shot.
There were over 400 people who applied for these 20 spots. By the time of the first aptitude test, we were down to less than 300. Not because a hundred plus people didn’t pass, but because they didn’t even show up for the test. Maybe those people had good reasons, maybe they just lost hope, or they got better jobs, or they didn’t check their email. But for whatever reason, my odds just got a whole lot better, and all I had to do was show up.
After that, the organizations involved made some decisions, and I made the cut to Phase 2. I got the call kinda late, so I think there were a few others who were placed higher than me, but they also declined or failed to respond, so I got bumped up again because other people dropped out.
Once in Phase 2, all we had to do was go to a class once a week. No homework, no tests (well one test but we’ll get to that later), all we had to do was show up and participate every once in a while. Still, we went from 40 to 30 just from people dropping out of class. I want to make one thing clear. I don’t think that I’m better than those who didn’t stick it through. Making time to come to a class once a week for no pay can be a big barrier for a lot of people. I was friends with my classmates and I was sad to see some of them not advance. But at the same time, I was there to get the job, and if by sticking it through when others didn’t is what set me apart, then so be it.
We did have to take a phd placement exam to make sure we could enroll in the program, and some people didn’t pass. However, the organization that hosted this program was eager to see everyone succeed, so we were given two chances to pass. In between, we were given access to tutors to help get our scores up. But a lot of people who didn’t pass the first time simply did not show up for the second test. Who knows whether they would have passed or not. But I know two people who were very nervous about the test but still showed up. Both of them passed and are now in the program.
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@american
My Cousin's Death
It is amazing how many things we take for granted. We make plans for the day, and don't think twice about how those plans can be taken away in the blink of an eye. I never thought much about it myself, until I was faced with the shock, and undeniable truth of my cousin's death. I don't think anyone really thinks about tragedy until they are actually faced with shocking news.
My mom had been going to school in Greeley and staying at my Aunt Margaret's house. My mom had suggested that I go back with her and visit family, shop, go to movies and just spend time together.
I woke up Tuesday morning excited for the day I was going to spend with my mom. I was sitting at the kitchen table drinking fresh coffee listening to my mom and aunt tease and joke around about how paranoid my mom was about doing well in everything. Our plan was to go to one of mom's friends with her, and then on a tour of UNC and then we were going to go to dinner and a movie.
We were interrupted by a phone call from my dad. My mom was still joking and in a silly mood when she started talking to my dad. Suddenly the conversation turned from joking to dead silence and my mom started crying. She tearfully asked, "Is she ok? Was she alone?" I was thinking my sister went riding and fell off her horse or that something had happened to my grandma.
She kept on saying " OH MY GOD, NO". Aunt Margaret asked "What happened? What is going on?". And then Mom told us; Elizabeth, my cousin was in a car accident last night and she didn't survive. I felt as if I was paralyzed, I felt that if I moved it would be real. I just had this blank look on my face. I had no reaction at first and I wanted to deny it, all of it. I kept saying to myself, no it isn't true, they made a mistake. To my complete horror I was wrong.
My mom kept saying "I've got to go see Dawn. I need to be with my sister" My mom ran down stairs to get ready to go, I followed her and just stood there, still paralyzed. She hugged me and said that she loved me. I had never seen my mom so panicked. She went into the bathroom to take a shower and I could still hear her sobbing through the door. I was all by myself, now. I was standing in the middle of the family room as the words "She's dead" pierced my heart like daggers of ice. I was screaming OH, GOD NO, NOT HER and started to cry uncontrollably. The realization that I would never see Elizabeth again struck me.
I come from a big family with many loving aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. As I was standing there all alone I thought back to the time when I got to spend a week with Liz. Almost a year ago to the date, most of the family was together for my other cousin's wedding. All the cousins sat at the same table and we had such a good time together. Liz was twelve years older than I and we had never really spent much time together, but we really connected last summer. She was a busy person, she had so many things that she wanted to accomplish. She helped me through some tough times when I was growing up, and now, I would never get the chance to tell her how I felt and how much she helped me. My chance was gone and so was she.
We drove to my cousin Jamie's house and as we saw my aunt Dawn. The look on her face was very unbearable. My aunt was in a daze and still in denial. My mom held her older sister like she was her child. My aunt screamed "MY BABY"!
We found out Liz's fiancee, Steve, went to pick her up from the airport in Houston, Texas. They were on their way back home to Austin, TX where she lived. She had said that she was really tired and wanted to sleep. She was sitting in the front seat and had her seat belt on. She was in the front and had the seat reclined. Somehow, Steve lost control of the car and Liz was thrown out of the car through the back window. She was killed instantly.
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@american
13 Things You Should Give Up If You Want To Be Successful
”Somebody once told me the definition of hell:
“On your last day on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.” — Anonymous
Sometimes, to become successful and get closer to the person we can become, we need to give up on some of the things.
1. Give Up On The Unhealthy Lifestyle
“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.” — Jim Rohn
If you want to achieve anything in life, everything starts here. First you have to take care of your health, and there are only two things you need to keep in mind:
1. Healthy Diet
2. Physical Activity
Small steps, but you will thank yourself one day.
2. Give Up The Short-term Mindset
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” — Mae West
Successful people set long-term goals, and they know these aims are merely the result of short-term habits that they need to do every day.
These healthy habits shouldn’t be something you do; they should be something you embody.
There is a difference between: “Working out to get a summer body” and “Working out because that’s who you are.”
3. Give Up On Playing Small
“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone, and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson
4. Give Up Your Excuses
“It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand.”
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture
Successful people know that they are responsible for their life, no matter their starting point, weaknesses, and past failures.
Realising that you are responsible for what happens next in your life is both frightening and exciting.
Own your life; no one else will.
5. Give Up The Fixed Mindset
“The future belongs to those who learn more skills and combine them in creative ways.” ― Robert Greene, Mastery
People with a fixed mindset think their intelligence or talents are simply fixed traits, and that talent alone creates success — without effort. They’re wrong.
Successful people know this. They invest an immense amount of time on a daily basis to develop a growth mindset, acquire new knowledge, learn new skills and change their perception so that it can benefit their lives.
Remember, who you are today, it’s not who you have to be tomorrow.
6. Give Up Believing In The “Magic Bullet.”
“Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better” — Émile Coué
Overnight success is a myth.
Successful people know that making small continual improvement every day will be compounded over time, and give them desirable results.
That is why you should plan for the future, but focus on the day that’s ahead of you, and improve just 1% every day.
7. Give Up Your Perfectionism
“Shipping beats perfection.” — Khan Academy’s Development Mantra
Nothing will ever be perfect, no matter how much we try.
Fear of failure (or even fear of success) often prevents us from taking an action and putting our creation out there in the world. But a lot of opportunities will be lost if we wait for the things to be right.
So “ship,” and then improve (that 1%).
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@american
If You See Something Beautiful In Someone, Speak It
Dale Carnegie have said "The Most Important goal of anyone's life is to feel Important". But unfortunately the world doesn't allow people to feel important easily. I mentioned easily because you as a individual can feel important but there are so many standards have been elevated by people and society and industry that can be explained in this way, if you have certain body shape you can feel Important, if you have this much money, that specific car, big house you can feel important, if you are crushing everyone out in your office giving company sales and value you can feel important and the list goes on. So, the peace of advice here it is. Everyone wants to feel important whether he/she is your company CEO or your colleague in next cubical. Your realtives, friends and strangers. Everybody out there craving for this that's why they are working very hard to get ahead of race in Thier arena of life.
So, why don't you make them feel good. Don't give them superficial appreciation. Do it sincerely, observe their true talent and appreciate where they are good at.
As "Ralph Marston" said, Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it.
Thank You, God bless You
@american
Don't Quit!
"When things go wrong, as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low and the debts are high;
And you want to smile but you have to sigh.
When all is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint on the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are;
It may be near when it seems far.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit."
- John Greenleaf Whittier
@american
So I Looked Up My Ex Online...
This is my best friend's Cathrine story:
I remember having a horrific breakup 3 years ago when I was 18. I was moving in with my boyfriend, talking about getting engaged in a few months, we were inseparable, and then one day he just told me he was leaving. No explanation. He blocked everyone we knew on social media (myself included), packed his bags and flew to another country almost overnight. His housemate told me later he refused to say goodbye and threw his keys in the bin as he left. I'll honestly never understand it.
It completely totally broke me. I couldn't eat or sleep or function. I moved back in with my folks for a while because they were so worried about me. I told myself if I didn't feel better in two months, I'd give myself permission to kill myself. It was the lowest I've ever been.
Long story short, I survived day to day barely, then started putting my life back together. I got healthy, started my own business, got a rescue dog. But I couldn't really date for about two and half years and felt sure that 'love' was something that just didn't work out for me.
And then I met this guy I thought was wayyy too good for me. The most genuinely sweet thoughtful guy I'd ever met, the kind everyone just loves. He lights up the room. And he fell just as hard for me as I did for him. We started dating and he stood by me as wave after wave of insecurity washed over me. I was sure he was going to leave. I was sure he'd change his mind. But he didn't. And on our ten month anniversary we got our own place together. It's been over a year and we're stronger than ever. And the best part, he's so much better for me than anyone I'd ever dated before. I'd go through all the pain a thousand times over to be with him.
On a side note, after the big breakup with the guy 2 years ago, I never looked him up online. Ever. It was just too painful. After I moved in with my boyfriend, I felt safe enough to finally have a look and end the curiosity. I found his twitter and it was bizarrely... lame. He tweeted 60+ times a day, all quite lonely messages about being single and needing to find a woman. A lot of sexist creepy stuff too. I was shocked to see he wasn't somebody I should ever have regrets about losing. I was so afraid of him and his rejection for so long, for no reason!
So excuse the big rant, it's just it's the happiest I've ever been and just want to cartwheel on a mountain. If you hang on and work hard, life always gives a chance to be happy again. Just hang on in there if you're struggling or trying to stay afloat. You'll be here soon enough telling your happy story.
@american
One Person
In his many books and lectures the great educator, Leo Buscaglia showed us time and again how the love of just one person can change a life and change the world. I remember especially his story about the noted psychologist, Dr. Skeels.
In the early 20th century orphaned children were often warehoused in badly understaffed institutions where they received little if any attention or love. At one time Dr. Skeels took 12 of these orphaned children and let them be cared for, a few hours each day, by mentally retarded adolescent girls at a nearby institution. He also studied 12 other children who were left in the orphanage all day long. He followed these children until adulthood and the results he found were shocking. Of the 12 children left all day in the orphanage without love and attention all were either dead, in institutions for the mentally retarded or in institutions for the mentally ill. Of the 12 children cared for and loved by the mentally retarded teenage girls all were self-supporting, most had graduated high school, and all were happily married. The only difference in the lives of these children had been the love of one person.
God loves us all so much and His greatest wish is for us to love each other as well. Let us never forget then just how vital our love can be to another. Patrick McCauley wrote “ Some of us will reach millions, most of us will reach a few, and some will reach only one person. However, given the infinite significance of each person, there is no difference in the end.”
Give your love, your kindness, and your heart to others today. You never know whom you might touch, whom you might help, and whose life you may save. As Thomas Merton said: “How can anyone tell how much he owes to the goodness of those who love him?” You may be just one person and you may touch just one person but that alone can change the world.
@american
In the end, the organizers didn’t have any tough decisions to make, because only 19 people showed up for the test and passed. So out of a starting pool of over 400 candidates, we ended up with 19 winners and one scholarship that went to me because of my scores. And eventhough I wasn’t the ideal candidate because of reasons beyond my control, I got into the program through the things that I can control, by showing up and trying my best. I applied for the scholarship less than six months ago and I'm already making more money in the internship than from my "regular" job. Once I get my degree, I'll have doubled my old earnings and have tons of chances for growth and promotion I wouldn't have otherwise with only a master's degree.
It’s easy to lose hope when the odds seem so bad. And it can be scary to work on something without being 100% certain you will succeed. But the odds often aren’t as bad as they seem at first. And the willingness to show up and participate is a highly underestimated tool. So if you see your dream opportunity out there, reach for it. The odds might not be as bad as you think.
@american
My Cousin's ...
We were all trying to figure out what to do for the funeral. We realized that the funeral would have to be held in Texas where Liz had lived for the past eight years. My Aunt Dawn had said that she and Liz were having a conversation a couple of years ago about what they would want if something happened to one of them. Liz had said that she would want to be cremated.
A few days later when we where getting ready for the memorial service I managed to keep my cool until I realized why I was seeing these familiar faces. I remembered back to the last time I was seeing my family was at the wedding. I was thinking that we should be at Liz's wedding, not her funeral.
My mom told me about the memorial service that was held in Texas and about all the people that wanted to talk about how Liz had touched their lives and how special she was. I had no idea that so many other people felt the same way I did. My mom said that her pastor gave a incredible sermon that touched her heart. He said that she found herself, then her God and then her destiny. She worked her whole life to become the awesome person that she was. She lived with intention every single day.
Your life can change drastically at any moment. Don't take life or the people that you love for granted, you're only here once. Loosing Liz this summer taught me that living every day intentionally and purposefully is what I intend to strive for. I am sorry that I had to loose her to realize that.
@american
Things you should give up ...
8. Give Up Multi-tasking
“You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.” ― Winston S. Churchill
Successful people know this. That’s why they choose one thing and then beat it into submission. No matter what it is — a business idea, a conversation, or a workout.
Being fully present and committed to one task, is indispensable.
9. Give Up Your Need to Control Everything
“Some things are up to us, and some things are not up to us.” — Epictetus, Stoic philosopher
Differentiating these two is important.
Detach from the things you cannot control, and focus on the ones you can, and know that sometimes, the only thing you will be able to control is your attitude towards something.
Remember, nobody can be frustrated while saying “Bubbles” in an angry voice.
10. Give Up On Saying YES To Things That Don’t Support Your Goals
“He who would accomplish little must sacrifice little; he who would achieve much must sacrifice much; he who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly.” — James Allen
Successful people know that in order to accomplish their goals, they will have to say NO to certain tasks, activities, and demands from their friends, family, and colleagues.
11. Give Up The Toxic People
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
― Jim Rohn
People we spend the most time with, add up to who we become.
There are people who are less accomplished in their personal and professional life, and there are people who are more accomplished than us. If you spend time with those who are behind you, your average will go down, and with it, your success.
But if you spend time with people who are more accomplished than you, no matter how challenging that might be, you will become more successful.
Take a look at around you, and see if you need to make any changes.
12. Give Up Your Need To Be Liked
“The only way to avoid pissing people off is to do nothing important.” — Oliver Emberton
Think of yourself as a market niche.
There will be a lot of people who like that niche, and there will be individuals who don’t. And no matter what you do, you won’t be able to make the entire market like you.
This is entirely natural, and there’s no need to justify yourself.
The only thing you can do is to remain authentic, improve and provide value every day, and know that the growing number of “haters” means that you are doing important things.
13. Give Up Your Dependency on Social Media & Television
“The trouble is, you think you have time” — Jack Kornfield
Impulsive web browsing and television watching are diseases of today’s society.
These two should never be an escape from your life or your goals.
Call To Action
If you want to increase your productivity and eliminate procrastination, just start acting.
@american
13 Things You Should Give Up If You Want To Be Successful
@american
Because of him ...
One day in Elementary school a couple of girls were teasing me. A young boy walked up to them and poliety asked them to stop, and they all walked away. The boy and girl became good friends. One day they were playing together in the schoolyard when a small dog walked into the school grounds. The boy checked the collar. "Misty" is what it read. He helped to get it out of the gate so it wouldn't get takenway. The very next day my mother got a call from my grandpa telling her that my grandma had fallen. When we got to the hospital, my grandmother told me that a dog saved her by getting Grandpa's attention by barking. When my grandma finally got back from the hospital I found out that it was Misty who had saved my grandmother. The next day at school we found out that the boy, had died in a car accident. At his funeral I met one of his cousins who became a good friend of mine. When we were leaving the funeral the boy asked me for my number. It took a minute to give it to him.
On our way home we passed a horrible accident where a tree had fallen on top of a car. The police who helped us through told us that the accident had happened only 5 minutes earlier, the same time as how long it took to give the boy my number. One year later I was in middle school, and I met a girl who told me her mother had passed away in a tragic tree accident, so they had moved out to where we lived. The girl and me also became good friends. One night it highschool we were having a sleepover when a tornado struck the area. I had never been in a tornado before, but the girl had, and she helped me survive.
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that first boy who took one moment to stop bullying, and that girl wouldn't have been my best friend.
The moral of my story is: take one moment to show a little bit of kindness, you never know how much it could do.
@american
Success
In the eyes of the world I am not seen as much of a success. I live with my cousin. I don't have a house nor a mansion. My parents buy my cloths or I won't wear fancy clothes. I drive a car that was bought for me, I don't have a plane, or a yacht. My bank account is always empty if I don't get paid to deposit money there at the end of the month. I am not a CEO of a corporation. I haven't made a movie, won a Grammy, or sold a million books. I am not famous. My picture has never been on a magazine cover. I have never had my own reality television show. Yet, in spite of all of this there are many times when I do feel like a success.
When my mom gives me a hug and says: "I love you Hun", I feel like a success. When my dog walks over to me, puts his head on my lap, and looks up at me with his adoring brown eyes, I feel like a success. When I share a laugh with the cashier in the grocery store, I feel like a success. When I give my smile to a stranger I am walking by and find my gift returned, I feel like a success. When I send what few dollars I can to a charity and know that I am helping someone in need, I feel like a success. When I get a letter from someone who has been touched by the simple stories I write, I feel like a success. When I have fun with my friends online and laugh from bottom of my heart, I feel like a success. When I remember that God loves me in spite of all my faults and failings, I feel like a success.
Perhaps what this world needs is a redefining of what success really is. Perhaps this world needs to recognize that fame fades, money is soon spent, power never lasts, and material things always turn to dust. Perhaps this world needs to see that the most successful life of all is one where you love God, yourself, and others. Perhaps we all need to realize that a successful life in the eyes of the world isn't always a successful life in the eyes of Heaven.
May you always see the success in your own life. May you always be a success in loving, giving, caring, and sharing. And may you always succeed in making God smile.
@american
Footprints On The Sand
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This bothered him so he questioned the Lord about it: "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The Lord replied: "My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, I was carrying you."
@american