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6 Tips for What to Do When You Feel Exhausted by Life
1. Avoid the "Belief in a Just World" Trap.
"Belief in a just world" is a type of cognitive bias that has been studied by social psychologists. For example, people often hold an attitude that if others are poor, they must deserve to be poor.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking "If I'm struggling, I must deserve to be struggling. I must be struggling because I'm useless."
The playing field of life isn't level. A lot of smart, talented people are dealing with very tough situations. For example, large medication bills and no insurance. All of us have made some poor decisions in life. Sometimes there are few consequence, and other times people spend their whole lives recovering from the consequences of earlier decisions.
2. Remind Yourself You're Doing the Best You Can.
"Remind yourself that you’re doing what you can right now given the circumstances and your resources. Practice flexibility so that you can take advantage of opportunities for change."
3. Avoid the "I Just Need To Work Harder" Trap.
If you tend to react to stress, struggling, or exhaustion by attempting to just work harder, try slowing down instead.
As above, you're likely already trying your best. Telling yourself that the answer to solving your problems is just working harder isn't likely to be an accurate thought.
The trap here is that by telling yourself the problem is not working hard enough, you're likely to close yourself off to trying new ways of coping. An example I see in my practice all the time is people who respond to overeating by telling themselves they just need to try harder to stick to their diet next time. By attributing the problem to not trying hard enough, they try to solve it through willpower rather than seeking other strategies.
4. When you're tired of life, recognize rumination.
People often try to think their way out of their problems. While this obviously can be adaptive, it's important to understand that overthinking while in a depressed mood actually impairs the quality of problem solving solutions people generate.
If you've already thought a lot about your problems/situation, recognize that the answer to your problems probably does not lie in doing more thinking about how to solve your problems.
Taking a break from thinking about your problems is more likely to lead to you taking action on simple things you could do to improve your situation or mood rather than continued thinking.
Taking a break from thinking about your problems can be achieved through activities like seeing friends, or through trying some mindfulness meditations to practice focussing your attention elsewhere.
5. Regulate Your Rhythms.
A core part of treatment for bipolar disorder is encouraging the person to develop regular routines of sleeping, eating, socializing, and working. Regulating these rhythms helps regulate mood and energy. This basic principle is true for people generally.
If you're prone to boom and bust cycles of sleeping, eating, socializing, and/or working, try some consistent routines.
6. Use Physiological Self-Soothing Strategies.
If you're feeling paralyzed by fear and exhausted by life, you're probably experiencing the freeze aspect of the "fight / flight / freeze" response.
To be able to think straight, it's absolutely critical you learn to use simple physiological strategies to calm your nervous system. Try rolling up your sleeve and stroking your arm (releases oxytocin), gently rubbing your lips with one or two fingers, or the hand rubbing technique listed here.
Develop a personalized plan for simple things you can do when your anxiety is high or your mood is low.
@American
Miracle by Chance...
15 YEARS AGO:
I used to hang out at a country bar called the “Club Palomino.” I loved listening to good bands there, and dancing to their country rock music. I used to drag my friend out to see my favourite band playing called “Cheyenne,” who were amazing and always packed the place. My friend and I used to get up and dance to their songs.
I was interested in the rhythm guitar player in the band, to me, he was the best looking one, and I loved his voice along with his rhythm guitar sound. Yes, I had the “hots” for him and would goggle eye him playing his guitar/singing while I was on the dance floor, or just standing at the bar listening and staring. I’ve always had this thing for bands, as I play guitar too, and always wanted to play in a band.
They played there for a long time and were the best band at the “Club Palomino.” I would go there as much as I could just to hear them play, and of course, always watching my favourite player. The sad part about it was I used to see him with a short blonde girl, not knowing if she was his girlfriend or wife.
After seeing them playing there for a long time, the Club Palomino closed down. Yes, the club had been sold. Wouldn’t you know it, a huge townhouse sub-division was put up and the club was gone. So were all the bands and my favourite band, “Cheyenne.”
When I first found out about the club closing down, I wanted to approach “Cheyenne,” particularly the rhythm guitar player, and ask where they would be playing in the future. But I didn’t have enough courage to do that. I guess things happen for a reason.
15 YEARS LATER:
As time went on I met someone and got married. That was a mistake. Eventually we got a divorce. I starting going out to bars, again, got tired of it and not meeting anyone decent enough. I wasn’t crazy about the bands playing at other bars either. Later, a friend told me to join a particular dating site on the Internet, which I thought I would never do. But, I thought I would check it out for fun as I heard so much about it through people even meeting their soul mates from that site.
Surprisingly enough, I had a few dates, meeting in public places, but just didn’t find the right one and thought I never would from a dating site. I sort of gave up on it until one night. After getting home from a bar, which I hated, I went on my computer. For some reason I logged into that site again, which I was really glad I did. I got an interesting email from a guy and liked his picture. I was also touched by his email and that he was also interested in my picture and profile.
From then on we started emailing each other quite a lot from that site. We seemed to have so much in common through our emails. We continued writing and eventually got on MSN, and chatted for quite some time. He was Bulgarian and I was Hungarian, how common was that! We discovered from our MSN chats that we had so much in common. It was really amazing. Our families even lived in the same town of all places.
We chatted every night as often as we could. And then, a miracle happened! We started chatting on our computers about music. Wow… we also liked all the same music and we both wrote songs. I told him I liked country music and used to frequent a particular bar about 15 years ago, which had closed down. Of course he asked me the name of the bar back then. I told him the “Club Palomino.” He was really surprised and told me he used to play there. I wasn’t sure whether to believe him or not! He said he would send me a picture of his band that played there. I thought, “yeah right” to myself as I waited patiently in front of my computer for the picture.
Low and behold, a huge picture came up on my screen, “CHEYENNE” - “CLUB PALOMINO.” I freaked! I couldn’t believe it! It was him in the picture with “Cheyenne.” The guy I was interested in, who was the rhythm guitar player in my favourite band. I was so shocked that I went crazy seeing this picture! It was just unbelievable! Like a miracle happened suddenly! Like a fairy tale!
@American
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Hold My Hand…And Never Let Me Go
“My grandparents shared a deep, abiding love. They always took advantage of every opportunity they could to hold hands. As if compelled by some unseen force, their hands always found one another. They clasped hands while walking, while reading—even while they slept. The memory of this simple, yet profound symbol of their enduring bond stays with me to this day.”
@American
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Continued...
It was a beautiful wedding with all the people at the nursing home dressed up to join in the celebration. Hannah wore a light beige dress and looked beautiful. Michael wore a dark blue suit and stood tall. They made me their best man.
The hospital gave them their own room and if you ever wanted to see a 76-year-old bride and a 79-year-old groom acting like two teenagers, you had to see this couple.
A perfect ending for a love affair that had lasted nearly 60 years.
@american
Continued...
We carried on chatting every moment we had for some time, and eventually he gave me his phone number. We started talking on the phone every night. It was just amazing all the things we had in common about everything! Yes, it was too good to be true!
After about 3 weeks of talking on the phone every night, chatting on the computer and exchanging pictures, we decided to meet. I was brave enough for him to pick me up at my mother’s place as I developed this trust in him, by his voice and his honesty. I met him downstairs in front of my mother’s apartment building. He got out of his car, and the first thing we did was look at each other and start laughing, and laughing like crazy, and couldn’t stop laughing!
He took me to the local Canadian Legion where we talked, had a drink together (still laughing) and we got more acquainted. Eventually we went into another room and sat down at a table. After a while, he asked me if I didn’t mind if he got up on stage to do a solo. Hey, a man singing with his guitar was like being in heaven. He got up on stage and started playing his guitar and singing in front of an audience. That did it for me. I was hooked! And the guy I admired 15 years ago was performing in front of my eyes, and, was my date! I was in_ heaven!
We dated for about two years and it was absolutely wonderful. Eventually we bought a condo and have been living together for 2 ½ years now. Then, the final surprise! After moving into our condo, we looked out the window and to our astonishment what did we see? The office building of the dating site we joined, of all things! What a coincidence that was!
In March of 2008, it will be five years being together, playing music, and still laughing! We are just two peas in a pod!
He met my friend who I was with at the Club Palomino 15 years ago, and he also remembered seeing us dancing while his band “Cheyenne” played. He also remembered me standing at the bar at times. I used to watch him go to the bar for his coffee and I know our eyes met each other’s at that time.
It sure is strange crossing one another’s paths some 15 years ago - and now, being together in a different time in the future, and remembering!
And, by the way, that short blonde girl he was with at the Club Palomino, was the girl he eventually married which lasted 8 years. He went through a brutal divorce. He did tell me that when I first saw him at the Club Palomino 15 years ago, that I should have approached him and told him “she was bad news.”
It’s funny how life is – it just wasn’t meant to be back then. Fate brought us together. We met our “soul mates”!
@American
🥀
The War Bride...
“In 1944, three young women lived together in a local boarding house as roommates. On weekends they would frequent the local Officer’s Club for entertainment and the opportunity to meet a future husband.
One of them, June, my grandmother was 18 years old at the time. She worked as a draftsman at the Kaiser Shipyards in San Francisco. She was a lovely, outgoing woman who won the title of Miss Kaiser Shipyard in a contest with entrants from California and Georgia.
Since June was underage, she often borrowed her roommate’s ID card to gain admittance into the Officer’s Club.
One night, a handsome lieutenant asked her out on a date, but she declined, not because she wasn’t interested, but because her roommate had dated him and she didn’t want to interfere.
Her roommate eventually gave June her blessing and she accepted the next time the officer asked.
It was on that first date that the Lieutenant asked her to marry him! She made him wait a few weeks before accepting his proposal. They were married at her parent’s home in January, 1945.
After the war ended, the newly-made Captain and Mrs. moved back to Missouri where they established a home and raised a family. They loved each other deeply and were together 52 years before he was taken from her in 1997.
It was through her words of love that I realized that ‘love at first sight’ really does exist.”
As Alzheimer’s invaded her mind, June’s memories began to fade, but she continued to hold onto the love she had for her Captain.
“When her memory was still intact, she would often have a tear in her eyes, and tell me how much she missed him. My hope is that I continue to live the same kind of love in my future that they had together.
@american
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Continued...
And,” she hesitated for a moment, almost biting her lip, “tell him. You know,” she said smiling as tears began to well up in her eyes, “I never did marry. I guess no one ever matched up to Michael…”
I thanked Hannah and said goodbye. I took the elevator to the first floor and as I stood by the door, the guard there asked, “Was the old lady able to help you?”
I told him she had given me a lead. “At least I have a last name. But I think I’ll let it go for a while. I spent almost the whole day trying to find the owner of this wallet.”
I had taken out the wallet, which was a simple brown leather case with red lacing on the side. When the guard saw it, he said, “Hey, wait a minute! That’s Mr. Goldstein’s wallet. I’d know it anywhere with that bright red lacing. He’s always losing that wallet. I must have found it in the halls at least three times.”
“Who’s Mr. Goldstein?” I asked as my hand began to shake.
“He’s one of the oldtimers on the 8th floor. That’s Mike Goldstein’s wallet for sure. He must have lost it on one of his walks.” I thanked the guard and quickly ran back to the nurse’s office. I told her what the guard had said. We went back to the elevator and got on. I prayed that Mr. Goldstein would be up.
On the eighth floor, the floor nurse said, “I think he’s still in the day room. He likes to read at night. He’s a darling old man.”
We went to the only room that had any lights on and there was a man reading a book. The nurse went over to him and asked if he had lost his wallet. Mr. Goldstein looked up with surprise, put his hand in his back pocket and said, “Oh, it is missing!”
“This kind gentleman found a wallet and we wondered if it could be yours?”
I handed Mr. Goldstein the wallet and the second he saw it, he smiled with relief and said, “Yes, that’s it! It must have dropped out of my pocket this afternoon. I want to give you a reward.”
“No, thank you,” I said. “But I have to tell you something. I read the letter in the hope of finding out who owned the wallet.”
The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. “You read that letter?”
“Not only did I read it, I think I know where Hannah is.”
He suddenly grew pale. “Hannah? You know where she is? How is she? Is she still as pretty as she was? Please, please tell me,” he begged.
“She’s fine…just as pretty as when you knew her.” I said softly.
The old man smiled with anticipation and asked, “Could you tell me where she is? I want to call her tomorrow.” He grabbed my hand and said, “You know something, Mister? I was so in love with that girl that when that letter came, my life literally ended. I never married. I guess I’ve always loved her.”
“Mr. Goldstein,” I said, “Come with me.”
We took the elevator down to the third floor. The hallways were darkened and only one or two little night-lights lit our way to the day room where Hannah was sitting alone watching the television. The nurse walked over to her.
“Hannah,” she said softly, pointing to Michael, who was waiting with me in the doorway. “Do you know this man?”
She adjusted her glasses, looked for a moment, but didn’t say a word. Michael said softly, almost in a whisper, “Hannah, it’s Michael. Do you remember me?”
She gasped, “Michael! I don’t believe it! Michael! It’s you! My Michael!” He walked slowly towards her and they embraced. The nurse and I left with tears streaming down our faces.
“See,” I said. “See how the Good Lord works! If it’s meant to be, it will be.”
About three weeks later I got a call at my office from the nursing home. “Can you break away on Sunday to attend a wedding? Michael and Hannah are going to tie the knot!”
@american